


Six Months at Sonny's

by Sineadfitz72



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Dean, Gay Sex, M/M, mention of child rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:48:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 72,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29402934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sineadfitz72/pseuds/Sineadfitz72
Summary: Dean needs a new challenge after saving the world again and Sonny needs helpSpecial thanks to @lotrspnfangirl who gave me some help and tips in getting this right and a special special thank you to Manuela, Chrissie and Florentina who are always willing to read the rough drafts for me. Love you my sistersThis Chapter is posted twice here. Sorry about that. I tried to change it but i'm still new to this site so i'll just leave it as it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 26
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**This story is canon compliant up to 15x19.**

**Six Months at** **Sonny’s**

**_After I got out of jail this place gave me a second chance and it’s done the same for you too. So, if you want, I’ll stick my neck out for you and I’ll fight for you to stay._ **

****

Sonny’s voice from long ago echoed in my head as I stared up at the farmhouse with its whitewash paint and its bright green doors and shutters, with something akin to trepidation and excitement.

Turning to look at the surrounding land that’s lush and wild with flowers, oak trees lining the perimeter of the property, I took a deep breath of late spring air, then turned to the man behind me.

“Are you sure about this, it’s not too late to go back to Sam and help him with the training of the new hunters”.

Cas, my best friend going on 12 years smiled at me and replied “My place is with you, Dean. You’re my family”.

“I know that Cas but this……….” shrugging my shoulders and looking back at the farmhouse, “this is unlike anything we have taken on before”.

Cas moved up behind me and I felt his hand on my shoulder, I turned to look at him as he said, “I know, but like always, I’ll go with you Dean”.

Cas’s appearance still takes me by surprise. Instead of the blue suit and tan trench coat, Cas is wearing all black. Black jeans, plain black t-shirt, black denim jacket and black hiking boots. The outfit makes his hair look darker and his eyes bluer than ever. He looks human, he looks………

The sound of the screen door opening had us both turning back to the house and the familiar and welcoming voice of Sonny, “D-Dawg, you made it”.

“D-Dawg?” Cas asks with that endearing head tilt and I laughed.

Walking towards Sonny I growled at him, “Dean works just fine as well, you know”.

“Hell no, you will always be D-Dawg to me” Sonny said with an answering laugh and he embraced me tightly.

Releasing me he nodded his head towards Cas and I finally remembered my manners, “Sonny, this is Cas, my best friend and fellow hunter, and now my partner in crime in this”.

No need to tell him about the angel part, even though he’s not that anymore. The thought actually depresses me when I think of how much Cas has lost, but strangely he seems ok with it.

Sonny grasps Cas’s outstretched hand in his, “Cas, welcome, any friend of D-Dawg is a friend of mine”.

“Thank you” Cas replied smiling at Sonny, “I’m glad to help”.

“And who’s this?” Sonny asks looking behind me into the car.

I grinned and said “That’s Miracle, I did mention her, right?

“Yeah, you did, but you never mentioned what a beauty she is. The boys are gonna love her” Sonny said while blowing kisses at my dog.

Sonny bends his head for a minute and then peers up through his fringe to look at me.

“I don’t how to thank you for doing this for me, Dean. You too Cas. I know what I’m asking isn’t easy”.

“Hey none of that” I reply “It can’t be harder than hunting vampires and the like” though my heart is hammering in my chest thinking about it.

I looked at Sonny now, really looked at him and I could see he had lost weight. His face was pale and there were shadows under his eyes. His green and black plaid shirt was hanging off one shoulder and the belt on his jeans was spanning his waist twice. No matter how nervous I felt, I was even more sure of my decision to come here.

Sonny straightened up and starts walking back towards the house, “Look I don’t leave to start my treatment for a couple of days, so I can show you the ropes myself and introduce you to the boys and to Rose. So, are you both ready to run Sonny’s home for wayward boys?”

I stumble a little when he says that. I had finally found my footing when Sonny turned back to us and says “Only thing, we are short on space here, so you two don’t mind sharing a room, do you?

**THREE MONTHS PREVIOUS**

It’s been a month since everything changed and I’m still processing it. Lying on my bed in my room in the bunker, Miracle atop of my feet, I’m still cataloguing our losses.

Chuck’s gone, Jacks the new God and he’s gone, and Cas is gone.

But everyone else we lost when Chuck did his whammy are back including Eileen, who I can hear laughing down the hall, no doubt at something goofy that Sam had said. I was happy for Sam, for both of them, remembering when Eileen had knocked on the bunker door only a month ago, the look on my brother’s face was nearly worth all the crap we had gone through beforehand.

I felt a bit bad though that Sam’s happiness only highlighted what was missing in my life. I missed Jack and I missed Cas; I missed my best friend.

Whenever I thought about Cas, I couldn’t help thinking back on our last conversation and the implications of what he had revealed to me and truthfully, I was still processing it. But dammit I missed my friend.

I truly thought that by the time Sam and I got back to the bunker after defeating Chuck and saying goodbye to Jack, that Cas would have been here. That Jack would have freed him, but he wasn’t. Now a month has gone by, a month of prayers and research and more prayers to Jack and Cas, begging for him to be returned. Surely Jack wouldn’t leave him in the Empty, Cas was his Dad.

But no matter how much I prayed, I never got a response.

I finally roused myself to go in search of Sam and Eileen and I found them in the kitchen, Miracle trotting in behind me. The smell of food watered my mouth and produced a loud grumble from my stomach.

“Lord above Dean, I can hear you coming” Sam laughed as I came into view. Eileen was sitting at the table laughing at what Sam had said, not having heard said stomach talking.

Winking at Eileen I said “The stomach wants what the stomach wants. So, what’s it getting?”

“Burgers” Sam replied, “You’re getting burgers with chips and would it kill you to try the salad with it”.

Spreading my arms apart I said, “Probably not, but Sammy, why risk it?” as I sat next to Eileen with a grin.

Sammy served up dinner and we spent a pleasant hour just shooting the breeze. It wasn’t until dinner was finished and I was nursing my third beer, that Sam brought up the idea that he and Eileen had discussed.

“Dean, Eileen and I were talking, you know what to do now, you know since Chuck is gone and Team Free Will is alive and kicking”.

“Let me guess Sam, little house on the prairie, white picket fence, couple of rug rats and the two of you sickeningly happy. Am I close?” I asked as cheerfully as I could, wiggling my fingers at the two of them, though the feeling of loneliness hit me like a freight train.

Eileen and Sam went a fabulous shade of pink with a glare from Sam for good measure.

“No” Sam all but snarled at me “We were thinking, there is still monsters in the world. And with Garth settled down with a family, there is no one to help out with the new hunters coming up. I thought we could take over, use the bunker as a training base, a refuge if they need a place to stay when passing through or when injured. We have so much lore and we have the training to make a huge difference”.

I watched Sam as he got more and more animated over their plans. I knew he was including me in those plans but the more he talked, the more tired I felt.

I wasn’t sure I could go back to more of the same. I didn’t think after everything we had gone through; I could go back to killing vampires and werewolves and the like.

I still wanted to help people, I still wanted to make a difference, but I thought maybe I could do it legitimately, maybe be the person who cleans up the mess instead of being the one who walks away and leaves the mess for someone else to clean up.

Somehow, I’m not surprised at these thoughts.

Cas had done more than reveal his feelings to me that last day, he had told me how he saw me, and how others saw me.

Maybe it was the situation, or the timing, or the fact I was ready to hear it, or maybe it was because Cas, former Angel of the Lord, former celestial wavelength who had been alive since the creation of time and my best friend, had told me that I was more than Daddy’s blunt instrument.

I was someone who cared and despite the fact I tried to hide it, the people who loved me saw it. So, what was the point of pretending.

The silence alerted me to the fact that Sam had stopped talking. I looked up and saw they were both looking at me warily. Sam asked, “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“What no, it’s a great idea, Sammy, it really is and I think you and Eileen would be great at it, but……..”

“But what? Sam asked

I looked at my brother, the boy I had raised to become the man before me and I was so proud of what he wanted to do next, but I knew there and then, I was on a different path.

“But it’s not for me” I finally answered. “I’m sorry Sammy, but I think I need to find my own way now”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

I knew I had gone a shade of pink and resolutely did not look behind me at Cas as I followed Sonny into the house.

Sonny gives us the grand tour, pointing out the TV room where the boys do their schoolwork during the day and where they can relax in the evening. Sonny’s office is on the opposite side of the house. It has a desk, three chairs, three filing cabinets and on his desk, beside a stack of files and papers sits an old and battered desktop computer.

Saying he’ll leave the kitchen to last; we head upstairs where Sonny shows us the boys’ rooms, three rooms with three beds in each. Jimmy the eldest boy had a room to himself while the three younger boys were bunking together. There was also one bathroom on the floor for the boys to use.

Miracle followed us sniffing out every corner of the place. Sonny told us that there were usually no more than six boys at any given time but in an emergency, he could take up to four more but that rarely happens. He had only one staff. A woman named Rose who handled the cooking and the cleaning.

After showing us the boys’ rooms, Sonny headed up towards the attic and showed us our room.

Sonny opened the attic door and swung it wide open, “When I heard you were bringing Cas, I got two new beds for you, queen size but unfortunately I couldn’t spring for another room”.

“Sonny, you didn’t have to do that” I protested “I spent my life sleeping on crappy motel beds, Cas too, we would have managed”.

Sonny lowered himself to one of the beds looking a lot pale now, “Dean, seriously, it’s the least I can do. Believe me, what you have taken on is not going to be easy, you are going to be glad of a comfortable bed at the end of your day”.

I looked around the room. The ceiling and walls were of a cherry wood, tongue and grooved in style. A wardrobe, chest of drawers and two lockers beside each bed made up the furniture in the room. Another door revealed an en-suite bathroom with an electric power shower. Sonny laughed when I saw it and he admitted it was his one bit of luxury that he indulged himself in here. But he deserved it and I told him so.

Six years ago, when Sam and I were here to deal with a ghost, we had warded the place against it happening again but since then we had come across bigger and badder things and I wanted to shore the place up some more. I turned back to Sonny and asked, “You still ok with me putting up extra wards”.

Sonny raised his hands in front of him, “Absolutely D-Dawg. Whatever to keep you and the boys safe”.

I nodded my thanks, walking over to look out of one of the two windows in the bedroom.

There was a field behind the house that encroached onto a wooded area. I could see boys in the distance, hanging clothes on a clothesline, and another chopping wood. Cas came to stand beside me and followed my gaze. He turned to me with a small smile on his face. His reaction took a weight off my chest that I hadn’t realised was weighing on me. This wasn’t just a brand-new experience for me, it was brand new for Cas. And I was never so pleased to have him by my side.

Cas and I didn’t have much to unpack, so once we were settled, we made our way down to the kitchen, where we found Sonny sitting at the kitchen table talking to a woman, who must be Rose.

I liked the kitchen immediately. The walls and cabinets were cream with yellow accessories. The curtains, the handles on the kitchen cabinet doors, even the mugs on the table all yellow. It gave the impression of warmth, sunshine, but more importantly, it was welcoming.

“There ye are” Sonny announced. “Get in here and meet Rose. Rose this is D-Dawg and Cas”

“Jeepers Sonny, Dean, my name is Dean” I said exasperated while walking up to shake her hand as she stood to meet us. Cas shook her hand after me and she stepped back to eye us up and down. Rose was anywhere between 40 and 50 years old. She was blonde, slim and in light blue jeans and denim shirt, she was also very easy on the eye.

“Well well, what two handsome men you bring me Sonny, makes me almost sorry I don’t bat for your side” she said with a wink at us.

Sonny threw his head back laughing at her, while Cas just looks puzzled, as usual.

Tilting his head with his trademark confused look on his face, Cas said, “I don’t understand, whose side do you bat for?”

Sonny and Rose both stop laughing to stare at Cas and Rose said, “You serious?”

I clapped a hand on Cas’s back and whispered “I’ll explain later” while I turned and murmured “sheltered upbringing” to Rose and Sonny and that seemed to settle that.

Rose was a no-nonsense woman and I liked her immediately. It steadied my nerves a bit to know that she would be here to help us settle in.

**TWO MONTHS PREVIOUS**

Even though I was hoping to do something different, that didn’t stop me from helping out Sam and Eileen in setting up the bunker in preparation for its new role in the combat of monsters and the training of hunters. We cleaned out 20 bedrooms, buying sheets and duvets to make them ready for weary hunters. We turned another room into an infirmary, stocking up on gauze, alcohol, pain medication, syringes etc.

We already had a shooting range and a workout room to train hunters in combat to fight any foe they might come up against

We sent out word to all known hunters that the bunker was open for business and had already gotten positive responses back. The only thing we would need is for a rotation of people to answer phones for the “FBI” calls that would come in, but Sam was sorting it out like a pro. Looking at him, it was like this is what he was born to do. I was so bloody proud of him.

I was driving back to the bunker having done a beer run when I got the call from Sonny. I couldn’t believe it when I saw his name come up. We had stayed in touch for a while after Sam and I had sorted out his ghost problem, but the Mark of Cain, Amara, Chuck, Jack, Michael and Chuck again had put a chink in the friendship. So, this call was a surprise out of the blue.

Answering the phone, I bypassed a hello with a “Sonny, is that you?”

“D-DAWG, so you are still alive” Sonny says laughing down the phone to me.

“I am Sonny, it’s been a wild few years. Sorry I haven’t been in touch” I answered feeling slightly guilty, though I had no reason to. Some habits die hard no matter how peppy the talk, your dying best friend gives you.

“Man, it’s good to hear your voice” Sonny said, “I hope you don’t mind but I’m looking for a favour”.

“Name it” I said straight away.

What this man did for me as a teenager, he could ask for the moon and I would die trying to give it to him.

“Well, It’s like this. I need someone to run the farm for a while. Maybe for around six months. I don’t want to close it up as this place is a refuge for the kids and I know the State is looking for any reason to shut me down. Sure, why rehabilitate a kid when you can lock them up, right?” Sonny said sounding uncharacteristically bitter.

In the silence after this statement, I asked him “Sonny, what’s wrong?”

Sonny blew out a breath and said “I’m sorry D-Dawg, I’m pissed because well, I’m sick. Its cancer”

The news hit me right in the solar plexus, “Shit, Sonny, fuck it, how bad?” I asked.

Sonny blew out a breath, “Well on a scale of 1-10 it’s about a 6, which isn’t too bad, but the treatment they want me to try will floor me, so if I want to get better, I have to give it 110%. My sister lives in the city and she said I can stay with her while I’m going through it, but Dean I can’t give up on the kids, I can’t let them down. I was hoping you would know someone that would be able to help out, keep the doors open, just until I’m on my feet again”.

Tapping my fingers against the steering wheel, I asked “When do you start treatment Sonny?”

“In a couple of months, end of April” Sonny replied

Nodding my head, I answered him, “Ok, leave it with me. I’ll ask around. We’ll find someone. You might just send me on some information as to what they will need to do with the boys, the farm etc.”

“Absolutely Dean, thank you”, Sonny replied.

I gave Sonny a secure email address to send on the information and after a couple of minutes of catching up, we hung up, with Sonny still thanking me.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

After leaving Rose preparing dinner, we followed Sonny into his office, where he showed us the different forms and red tape that has to be done and filled out when a new boy arrived, during their stay and when they left. It was enough to make your eyes water and give me the start of a headache.

Sonny on seeing our faces said, “Dean, Cas what you have to understand, you’re not here to counsel these kids, or even be their friend but if you can be their friend, that’s great. What the kids who come here need most, is safety. Safety and stability from the world that tries to crush them”.

Sonny pauses and that’s when Cas speaks up “What can we expect, Sonny?”

Sonny is leaning forward, elbows on knees, head down. He looks at both of us through his fringe and sighs “I hope you won’t go running for the hills, but a lot of these kids are coming from homes that you couldn’t imagine in your nightmares. Some of these kids have experienced neglect, but most have been abused, emotionally, physically, sexually”.

Cas recoils at the last word. “But they are children?”

“Damn, you were sheltered” Sonny said in wonder, “Cas, these children get into trouble or run away from home because anywhere is better than where they come from. You are not here to be their counsellor. The State sends people here to help them with that. You are here to give them a safe roof over their heads, chores to ground them and give them a skill and sometimes if they want to talk, you just listen. I know you have chased down some scary monsters in your travels, but to me there is nothing scarier than a human that abuses a child”.

I looked at Cas and then I looked at Sonny “Tell me about the boys we have here now”.

**ONE MONTH PREVIOUS**

It’s been a month since Sonny sent on the information of the running of the farm.

It’s been two weeks since I stopped looking for someone to run it for him.

I should have known that when I started hoping people would say “no” when I asked them could they help out, that I realised I had found what I was looking for. The mess I could help clean up. These boys I could help because, hell I’d been there, Sam and I both.

Sonny laughed when I told him and he said, “I was hoping it would be you, D-Dawg, but I didn’t think you’d ever give up hunting”.

I laughed and said, “Well you caught me on a good decade”.

Now I just had to tell Sam.

Sam looked at me in silence when I broke the news to him and Eileen.

Sitting across from them at the kitchen table, I know he was probably hoping I would change my mind and now I was waiting for the rash of counter arguments he would come up with.

But Sammy as always surprised me.

Sitting across the table from me he asked, “You’re sure about this”.

“What, yeah I am” I laughed in surprise, “I thought I was going to have to argue with you till the cows came home.

Sam laughed ruefully, “Well if you had said anything else to me, I probably would have, but I saw you Dean, when we were there, you loved that farm, loved Sonny, though you tried to hide it, and I know now how hard it was to leave back when you were a teenager. I’m not surprised you’re doing this”.

And then Sam said something that really surprised the hell out of me.

Sammy continued “I also know the reason you left back then was because of me. And I want you to know I really appreciate that”.

I felt the sting of tears at the corners of my eyes and I ducked my head briefly before giving them both a tight smile, “Well, it’s only for six months, at least I’ll know if it’s the right thing for me or not. After that, I might move on to something else but for right now, this feels right, you know”.

Sam reached over to squeeze my hand, “I know Dean, but dammit, I’ll miss you. We both will”.

I turned to Eileen and she reached across the table to squeeze my other hand, “Yes we will”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The clatter of footsteps coming up the porch and into the house was like a stampede.

“Woah woah woah, where’s the fire” called Sonny.

He went out into the hall and we could hear him talk to the boys “Ok supper is nearly ready, but I have a couple of people I want you to meet. So, wash up and be back down in the sitting room in ten minutes. So off with you. Make sure you scrub those hands”.

I smiled to myself remembering those same words being roared at me. Sonny was loud and brash sometimes but always good-natured.

I saw Cas looking at me from the corner of my eye and I winked at him with a smile, “Last chance to save yourself”.

But Cas who hadn’t spoken since Sonny’s speech to us looked completely at peace and said, “Now I know what my purpose here is, Dean. This is where I’m meant to be”.

………………………………………………………………………………………

Standing in front of the four boys under Sonny’s charge, I tried to make myself as small as possible. Cas and I were tall men and these boys looked so small compared to us. By the looks on their faces, they felt it too.

I tried smiling and then thought, no don’t do that, you’re like the creepy uncle, then I tried being serious and that felt worse. Christ, maybe I wasn’t cut out for this at all.

Sonny broke into my thoughts, “Boys these guys here are my friends and they will be looking after you for the next while. This here is Dean Winchester. Dean stayed here himself when he was 15, that’s how we got to know each other, and we’ve kept in touch ever since. And this is Cas Winchester”.

Before we left the bunker, Cas has asked me if he could use the Winchester name as he would need a surname for our new ID’s, actually blushing while stammering the question. The smile on his face when I answered him “I thought you already did” warmed me from the inside out.

The older of the boys sniggered at me and said loud and brashly “Is he your husband because you sure as hell don’t look like brothers”.

I gave the boy a sharp look. The boy’s name was Jimmy, and he was what Sonny called a frequent flyer, meaning this wasn’t his first stay here.

Jimmy’s father was a nasty drunk and when the fists start flying, Jimmy gets the hell out of dodge. The cops pick him up when he’s found wandering the streets and he gets sent here until the father gets his drinking under control again and Jimmy goes home until the cycle starts all over again. It’s a depressing situation and a nightmare for Jimmy.

Dean can relate.

Sonny was about to retort but it was Cas who beat him to it “Why, would that be a problem?”

Sonny and I both stared at Cas in disbelief with Sonny quickly turning to glance at me questionably, but Cas was staring at the boy with a completely bland expression except for that million-dollar blue stare until the boy actually started squirming “Ah no sir……no ah it wouldn’t”.

“Good, so what’s your name?” Cas asked.

“Jimmy Rogers sir” he answered.

Sonny cut in then “Jimmy has been here just a couple of weeks, this time. He’s good with his hands, nearly has enough wood cut to last the winter when it gets here”.

Cas nodded at Sonny on hearing this information, turning to Jimmy he asked, “Really, you like to work with your hands Jimmy?”

Jimmy shrugged nervously not really liking the spotlight on him so much now.

“How are you at growing things?” Cas asked.

Jimmy looked puzzled “You mean like flowers?

Cas replied, “No, I mean vegetables. Would you be interested in planting a vegetable garden, with your permission of course Sonny?”

Holding his hands up, Sonny replied “No problem with me. How about Jimmy?”

Jimmy looked at Cas and it nearly broke my heart a bit watching the boy trying to see Cas’s ulterior motive.

“Yeah, I guess I’d be interested” Jimmy answered quietly.

Cas nodded his head “Good, I’ll head into town tomorrow and get some seeds and utensils to get us started”.

Sonny then introduced us to the other three boys. They were all younger and smaller than Jimmy who was 14 years old, a good-looking boy with blond hair and blue eyes.

Keith was 11 years old, redhaired and freckled with wide green eyes that made him look like he was in a constant state of surprise.

Nicholas was 10 years old, dark skinned, brown eyes, skinny, quiet little thing and according to Sonny smart as a whip.

And last was Joseph, also 10 years old, blond, blue eyes, slightly chubby and a talker once he gets going but had the most mischievous smile, you couldn’t help grinning back at him.

All of the boys had similar stories to Jimmy’s, except for them it was a matter of neglect more than violence. All stuff of nightmares.

All four boys shook our hands and then Sonny sent them off into the kitchen to get their dinner.

Once they were gone Sonny turned to us and said, “I’m sorry, should I have not got the second bed for your room?”

My face dropped but Cas to my shock winked at Sonny and said, “He wishes” and followed the boys out leaving me standing there red-faced and mortified under Sonny’s all-seeing stare.

Later that night, we retired early, as the boys were up early the next day for chores. Cas and I took turns in the bathroom before getting into bed.

We had shared plenty of rooms in the past, both when Cas was an Angel and mostly human. But this felt different. This wasn’t a stop off to a hunt. This was sharing a room for the foreseeable future. We talked for a while about what to expect the next day before Cas eventually said “Goodnight Dean” in that deep timbre of his.

Lying in my bed, in the dark, listening to my best friends even breathing I recalled a day three and half weeks ago in the bunker.

**THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO**

Sam announced, “Ok that’s it, I have done enough, I want beers, I want movies and I want popcorn”.

Eileen and I, both working on our laptops, looked across the table at Sam and then looked at each other, before I asked, “I’m sorry what did you say?”

Sam laughed “Ok ok, I know Dean, that’s usually your line but ok I’m officially beat”.

“Thank God” I growled closing my laptop down, “I honestly thought you were going to get us to start painting every inch of the bunker next, cause like, it couldn’t be more ready”.

Sam held his hands up in defeat.

I pointed at Eileen “You set up for the movie, Sam you get the beers, and I will make the popcorn”.

I was smiling as I entered the kitchen. I was happy, kind of.

Sam and Eileen were good, actually they were great, they had a whole new direction going for them. I was starting something new, something that could make a big difference in some boy’s lives and in mine. I also get to repay Sonny for what he did for me.

But there was still an empty space. A space I couldn’t fill. A space only a six-foot, messy haired, blue eyed, former Angel of the Lord, best friend could fill.

I still prayed every night, I would never, till the end of my days on this earth, not pray for Cas to be returned to me. The fact that I had no idea how to respond to his declaration of love didn’t matter. Cas was family. My family.

Filling up two bowls of popcorn (because Sam & Eileen would share one, the saps) I made my way out to the TV room.

As I entered the room, a sight filled my eyes that for a minute my brain couldn’t comprehend.

Jack was standing beside Eileen, who was crying. She was looking at Sam who was standing with his back to me, looking like he was hunched over someone. It took another second to realise there were arms arounds Sam’s back. Two arms clad in tan sleeves.

I felt light as if I had lifted off the ground and was floating in the air. The next thing I knew, Jack was taking the bowls out of my hands. I stared at him, suddenly beside me and raised my hand to rest on his cheek.

“Hi Dean” Jack said smiling at me. I couldn’t speak. My mouth was moving but no sounds were coming out.

I turned back to look at Sam but instead I saw the face of my best friend. My messy haired, blue eyed, best friend.

“Hello Dean”

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. My vision blurred and the next thing I knew I was hunched over, my arms wrapped around my waist, and my breath was coming out in uneven gasps.

I could hear running footsteps and then strong hands grasped me upwards and then I was clinging on for dear life to Cas, my God it was Cas, he was here, he was real, and I was crying big ugly snotty tears, but I didn’t care.

I could barely fill my lungs my breathing was hitching so bad, but all the while Cas held me tight murmuring “I got you Dean” over and over.

My face was buried in Cas’s neck unable to stop the torrent of tears flowing down my face, whispering “You’re here” over and over.

It was a while before I got myself under control and when I raised my head, that’s when I realised, we were alone. The others had given us some privacy which I really appreciated.

I wiped my face on my shirt and finally looked at Cas. Really looked at him.

He was Cas. Blue suit, trench coat, messy haired Cas.

Completely overwhelmed I started babbling, “I didn’t think I would ever see you again. It’s been months. Cas what happened, why now. Could Jack not get you out?”

Cas hesitated before he spoke “Dean, Jack rescued me straight away”.

At my disbelieving look he continued “Jack needed my help with Heaven. I agreed to help him. Dean it was the least I could do”.

I looked at Cas stunned, “But, why didn’t you tell me…………tell us. Cas, I prayed every god damn night begging for your return, but I got no answer”.

Cas’s hands were still on my shoulders, “Jack told me about your prayers, he told me you wanted me to come home, but I didn’t hear your prayers Dean, I’m sorry”.

At my puzzled look, Cas reached for my hand and placed it flat against his chest. I could feel my cheeks getting warm, but Cas’s stare was peaceful. Under my hand I could feel Cas’s heart beat, the heat from his skin, his heartbeat, heart beat…..

“Dean, I am no longer an Angel, I am fully human now”.

I looked at him in shock, “What! What happened? Jack…………….”

Cas looked at me with that crooked smile of his, “This was a choice, Dean. My choice. I have been rebelling against Heaven since the day I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition”.

Cas squeezed both my shoulder and my hand lying on his chest, “Jack gave me a choice to stay in heaven as an angel or become human and go wherever I choose on Earth. My place is here with you and Sam. You are my family. Unless…….”

And right there in front of me Cas blushed, and it was the most amazing and endearing sight I had ever seen, Cas blushing, “Am I being presumptuous, unless my confession to you about my feelings has changed our friendship, but when Jack told me you……………”

My hand on his chest bunched his shirt and I pulled him against me again.

With my head buried in his shoulder again, I said, “Cas, I’m the one who should be asking you that, if you are ok to be here, with me, when I can’t return…………………”

Cas pulled back and grabbed my face, cupping both cheeks with his hands, “Dean no, no. You are my best friend. My family. I have known for a long time how I felt about you. My happiness was in telling you. That has not changed. I know you love me as a brother and a friend and believe me that and your friendship is enough. It’s enough, please. And seeing how much it means to you that I’m here, Dean it’s enough”.

And Cas smiled at me. A smile not unlike the smile he gave me that awful day in the dungeon of the bunker when he told me he loved me, and then the Empty took him away from me.

A smile that had me questioning everything.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

I woke up the following morning to the sound of snoring. Turning over I looked over at the other bed. Cas was lying on his back, one arm across his stomach and his face turned towards me. He looked peaceful and young in sleep. In sleep. Cas was human. Fully human. I still couldn’t believe it. Cas had asked Jack for this.

As I watched, Cas moved, his arm reaching over his head and the t-shirt he was wearing rose up to reveal a flat, tanned midriff. I felt a shiver that had nothing to do with feeling cold. In fact, I was feeling a bit too warm.

I averted my eyes and had rolled onto my back when I heard “Good morning Dean”.

I glanced over at Cas and I could swear there was a hint of a smile on Cas’s face as if he knew I had been watching him.

“Morning Cas” I said pretending all was fine “So are we ready to do this?”

Cas looked at me and answered, “We are”.

I showered first and made my way down to the kitchen where Sonny, Rose and the boys were just sitting down to breakfast.

“D-Dawg, sit, sit” Sonny says being way too cheerful before 8am.

“D-Dawg needs coffee” I grumbled making my way to the coffee pot.

Rose laughs “I think we’ll have to install a coffee machine in your room Dean so you can be caffeinated before you grace us with your presence”.

“You’re not wrong there, Rose” Cas says coming into the kitchen behind me. “Dean is what I like to call an angry sleeper. Only coffee humanises him”.

I turned to glare at Cas, but my glare vanishes when I looked at him.

Wearing a sky-blue t-shirt that’s fitted too well around his chest and arms, light blue jeans and white sneakers, Cas was actually wearing sneakers, Cas looked……….well he looked………..good. Amazing actually.

I lowered my eyes to my coffee mug and then to the boys who were looking at me a little worried.

“You better believe it” I said to them, but I softened it with a wink and smile.

Sonny left out a belly laugh and looked around the table “Can’t say you haven’t been warned”.

Cas and I sat down to eat the breakfast that Rose had made. Breakfast was a quiet enough affair, with the boys giving Cas and I some side eye looks.

Leaning back in my chair after my fill of bacon and eggs, I said “Rose, that was great thank you”.

Rose smiled “Well don’t get too used to it. I don’t usually work Sundays, but I made an exception for you boys”.

I raised my eyebrows at that and said “Well, now forget the thank you, now I owe you one”.

Rose snorted and pointing her fork at me, she grinned, “I’ll hold you to that”.

Once the boys had eaten, they went back to their rooms to clean them. Once they clattered up the stairs, Sonny went over the agenda with us again.

“Ok first up, the boys have chores, we have chickens that need feeding and the coop needs cleaning out, eggs collected, boys know what to do. They keep their own rooms clean at all times and help Rose out with the housework.

On the weekdays, at 10am they start their schoolwork. The local school here in Hurleyville sends over class work for the boys. I may not have the best schooling myself, but I help with the homework if I can.

On Monday and Fridays, a social worker will call to check in and meet with the boys. Also, Robin comes over to give guitar lessons twice a week, you remember her don’t you Dean” he said with a soft smile on his face. I nodded my head very aware of Cas looking at me curiously.

Sonny looked over at Rose, “Rose here gives cooking lessons and I’ll usually give them lessons on how to look after themselves, hygiene, street smarts and sometimes a few self-defence moves. That’s basically the routine. Anything you want to add to that is fine by me. That garden is a great idea Cas, I like it”.

Cas smiles at Sonny as he continues, “After dinner in the evenings, their time is their own until lights out at nine”.

Rose looked between Sonny and Cas and said, “What’s this now?” and Cas told her of his plans to plant a vegetable garden.

“Well, that’s a great idea?” Rose exclaimed “I would love to do it myself, but I suck at gardening”.

“She really does” Sonny laughed as Rose swiped him with a dish cloth, “She even killed an ivy plant, and those suckers would survive an apocalypse”.

I listened to Sonny and thought ok, that doesn’t sound so bad. Sonny had told us privately that the boys were allowed to leave the farm, but only with one of us, but Cas was heading into town alone for his first trip until we got familiar with the place, or so I thought.

“Sonny is there a gardening store in town where I can get seeds and utensils for our gardening project?” Cas asked.

“You were serious about that” Jimmy asks as he entered the kitchen to help clean up.

I looked at Jimmy and I said, “Cas never says anything he doesn’t mean”.

Cas looked at me with soft eyes and I blushed when I realised how that sounded. The last truth Cas spoke to me was that he was in love with me.

Rose laughed and said to Cas, “I’m heading into town later, I can show you where it is. The gardening store is open seven days a week, but it has shorter hours today, being a Sunday”.

“Thank you Rose” Cas said

We all gave a hand clearing up after breakfast and then we marched over to the chicken coop to watch how the boys fed the chickens, cleaned the coop and collected the eggs.

Cas was like a kid in a sweet shop. He had this big goofy smile on his face, and he peppered Sonny with questions about the different types of chickens, what they ate, how soon the eggs were laid. Sonny was in his element answering him. He was clearly delighted with Cas’s interest.

I sent a silent prayer of thanks up to Jack in Heaven for returning my friend to me. I knew I could have managed here on my own, but this was better.

With a big smile on my face, I joined the boys in cleaning the coop, asking them questions about what the chickens liked, and I even got a few tentative smiles back from them, which I would take as a win.

Later on, after the housework was done, Cas and Rose took off into Hurleyville, the boys were allowed some free time outside and Sonny and I went into his office to go over some more of the rules and regulations.

After that I took a walk around the property. Surrounded by fields on three sides, there was a wooded area to the rear of the property that Sonny told me has hiking trails. Halfway between the house and the woods was a big barn. I walked over to have a look around and saw it looked the exact same as when I was here 6 years ago. Plenty of storage space for whatever Cas picked up at the gardening store.

There was a place to the rear of the house that would make a perfect spot for Cas’s vegetable garden. Trust Cas to come up with the perfect idea to keep the boys engaged and watch them see something they planted with their own two hands, grow and flourish.

Standing there breathing in the warm spring air, I felt a lightness in me that I never thought would be possible. The world was safe from Chuck, Jack was watching over us now, Sam was safe and happy with Eileen and me, well I had Cas.

I had my best friend at my side ready to take on this new challenge together and if deep down I felt a contentment and peace at that knowledge, well it wasn’t hurting anyone, was it.

I smiled to myself remembering that night at the bunker when Cas had come home, and the next morning when I told Cas I was leaving.

**THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO**

Cas and I eventually left the T.V. room to find the others and we found them in the kitchen, drinking beer and eating the popcorn I had made.

I was still feeling unsteady from the evening events but this time I went straight to Jack and enveloped him in a bear hug.

“Thank you, Jack, thank you for Cas” I whispered to him still feeling so overwhelmed.

“You’re welcome Dean” Jack replied, and I swear I could feel his smile from where his face was buried in my shoulder.

I leaned back and held him by the shoulders and said “We’ve missed you too, you know. How long can you stay?”

Jack smiled that sweet smile of his and said, “I can stay a while”.

So, the five of us sat around the kitchen table, talking and laughing, drinking beer and eating popcorn. We didn’t talk about plans for the future or anything like that. We just enjoyed our family being back together even if just for a small while. Cas couldn’t get enough of Miracle even commenting that her coat was the same colour as his.

After a few hours, Jack took his leave, but he promised to drop in soon. I wanted to continue the impromptu party but a glance at Cas showed he was exhausted.

“Cas you ok, you look like your dead on your feet?” I asked him.

“Human now, remember?” Cas said with his eyes drooping and slurring his words a little, thanks to the beers he consumed.

“Right” I said laughing “C’mon, let’s get you to bed”.

Cas stood slightly unsteady on his feet. He turned to Sam and pulled him around the waist for a hug “Night Sam, I’m so glad I’m home”.

Instead of laughing, Sam actually got teary eyed and hugged Cas back “Yeah Cas, it’s really good your home. We missed you”.

“Missed you too, Sam” Cas mumbled looking like he had taken up residence in my brothers’ arms and had no intention of leaving. Eileen had her two hands to her mouth smiling at the sight, which I had to admit was freaking adorable.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough from the love birds” I said prying Cas away from Sam. “Let’s get you to bed”.

This only made Cas swap one pair of arms for another. The next thing I knew I was enveloped in 6 feet of former angel.

“I missed you too, Dean, missed you a lot” Cas slurred against my neck, his arms tight around my shoulders.

“Oh boy, c’mon” and with his arms still wrapped around me, I dragged Cas down to his bedroom with Sam and Eileen’s chuckles ringing in my ears which were now a rosy pink, I’m sure.

In the bedroom, I sat Cas down on the bed, managing to detangle his arms from around my neck. He had discarded his coat and suit jacket, during the evening, so I bent down to take off his shoes.

Kneeling at his feet, I heard Cas whisper my name. I looked up at him and stopped. Cas was staring down at me with those big blue eyes of his with a small smile on his face. The first thing that came to my mind was “He’s so beautiful”.

Whoa, where the hell did that come from. Jesus. How many beers did I have?

I cleared my throat, “You ok Cas, I’m just taking off your shoes”.

Cas just nodded still staring down at me.

Shoes off, I laid him down on the bed pulling the covers over him. Cas’s eyes were closed, and I thought he had already fallen asleep, when his eyes opened again and he reached out to me saying, “I’m really home Dean, right?

I grasped his hand and knelt back down beside him, “Yes, Cas you’re really home” I told him.

Cas smiled, squeezed my hand and closing his eyes he said, “Goodnight Dean, I love you”.

His words hit me square against my chest and I don’t know how long I knelt there, still holding his hand and watched him sleep.

The next morning after a sleepless night, (and I would deny it if anyone asked, I got up several times just to make sure Cas was really here) I shuffled my way to the kitchen in search of coffee.

That I could smell bacon as well, hurried my shuffling along. I found Sam standing over the stove cooking breakfast and Eileen and Cas sitting at the kitchen table, coffee cups in front of them.

“Hey look who decided to join us” Sam crowed way too cheerfully.

I pointed at the coffeepot ignoring the smirk from my brother. I grabbed a mug and poured myself some coffee. I took two deep gulps from my cup before turning to face the room.

“Morning” I said making my way to the table to sit next to Cas. He was looking a bit bleary eyed himself and I wondered what he remembered of last night. I felt my face pinking up at the thought. To cover up my discomfiture, I pinched Cas on the arm.

He jumped and growled at me, “What was that for?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I replied “Just making sure you’re real”.

“I’m real, ok, but now I’m real with a bruise on my arm” Cas muttered grumpily.

I grinned at him and pushed my shoulder against his which earned me a sideways half smile from Cas, while Sam served us up breakfast.

We were nearly finished when Cas commented on the changes in the bunker.

“Sam, I noticed on the way to the kitchen, that you have a lot of bedrooms set up and you’ve changed things around in the library. Are you expecting people?”

As if he had been anticipating the question, Sam excitedly told Cas all about their plans for the bunker and the future upcoming hunters they would train.

Cas listened attentively and asked a question here and there, before finally saying, “Sam, Dean, Eileen, this is a wonderful thing you are doing. Putting all this to good use. I hope I will be able to help in some small way”.

“Absolutely Cas, of course you can. You may be human now, but you were a former angel, and the knowledge you have would help loads of people” Sam replied before stopping, realising maybe at last what Cas had said.

Sam looked at me and nodded towards Cas. Cas saw this and he looked from me to Sam and asked “What, what is it?”.

I sighed and said “Cas, we didn’t get a chance to tell you this but, well, I’m not staying here. I’m actually leaving in a few weeks”.

Cas just stared at me and the colour seemed to drain from his face “Leaving. You mean like on a hunt”.

“No, I’m actually giving up hunting for a while, Cas. I’m heading to New York State to help out a friend” I trailed off seeing the look on Cas’s face.

Cas’s eyes seemed to be boring into my soul, “Your leaving” he whispered, “For how long?”

“Six months” I replied.

Cas seemed to absorb that information, staring down at his empty plate before he stood up murmuring “I see, right, ok, ah excuse me”.

Not expecting this I called after him, “Cas wait, I…………………..” but Cas had hurried out of the kitchen

I looked at Sam and Eileen in horror, feeling even worse than when I had to ask him to leave the bunker, years before.

“Jesus Dean, go after him” Sam said.

I hurried after Cas, but he has already disappeared. Man, he could really move. Reaching his bedroom, I thought I could hear him inside.

“Cas, are you in there, can I come in” I asked from outside his door. It was a moment later before I heard “Of course Dean”.

I opened the door and Cas was sitting on the bed, his face turned away from me.

Closing the door behind me I said “Cas, I’m sorry for springing the news on you that way. I was going to tell you last night, but it didn’t seem the time.”

Cas shrugged, “No, its fine, Dean, I’m sorry for my reaction. I just thought we would have more time together. But its ok. We still have a few weeks before you go, don’t we, and six months isn’t that long. I can help Sam and Eileen out here, and we’ll see each other when you get back”.

Even as he spoke, Cas kept his face averted and I soon saw why. I had edged nearer to him while he talked, and I now saw something that nearly broke my heart. Cas was crying. Over me. Again.

The first and only time I saw Cas crying was that goddamn awful day in the dungeon when he told me he loved me, and then the Empty took him.

Why did I always keep hurting him? After everything he has done for me and for Sam, I always kept on hurting him.

Sitting down on the bed beside him, I hitched one leg up so I could turn towards him, “I don’t want it to be another six months before I see you again Cas. But if you have your heart set on staying here and helping Sam, then I guess I can live with it”.

Cas turned to me, his face wet from tears and that puzzled look on his face, but I continued “Or if you want, you could come with me”.

My heart trembled a bit at the hopeful look on his face, “Dean, are you sure?”

I laughed softly, “Of course I’m sure, that’s what I was trying to tell you before you left the kitchen, did you really think I was going to leave you here, you are my best friend and I just got you back, but Cas you don’t even know what you’ll be doing with me”.

Cas pulled his leg up on the bed mimicking me, so we were face to face, “I don’t care. I’ll go with you, Dean”.

And there they were. The words that Cas had said to me on more than one occasion including that last horrible day when we had left to challenge Death.

I’ll go with you Dean.

Sitting on the bed, grinning at each other like idjits, I pulled him into a hug, and a knot that I hadn’t known I had, unfurled in my belly at the knowledge I was going on this new adventure with my best friend at my side.

**SONNY’S** **HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The sound of Rose’s truck returning pulled me out of my musings. I walked around to the front of the house to see Rose and Cas unpacking what looked like half of the gardening centre from the bed of the truck.

“Damn Cas, did you leave anything for anyone else?” I asked laughing.

Cas grinned at me over a bag of fertiliser and said “We got a good haul. The lady at the gardening store was very helpful”.

Rose hooted a laugh “Yeah, you bet she was. She took one look at your baby blues and she was smitten”.

Turning to me she winked and said, “I thought I was going to have to pry Cas from her cold dead hands”.

Before my eyes, Cas turned an impressive shade of red and muttered something I couldn’t hear.

“Sorry Cas I didn’t quite catch that” I asked grinning.

But Cas stalked off around the house with the bag of fertilizer over his shoulder leaving Rose and I grinning after him.

Walking around to the bed of the truck, I pulled out another bag of fertilizer, “So gardening store lady is smitten is she now?” I asked Rose.

Rose snorted “Ah yeah, and also Betty at the grocery store and even Paul at the Gas N Sip”.

I raised my eyes at that and ignored the sudden stab of something, deep in my belly.

“Ah don’t worry sugar” she grins at me “That boy has eyes for no one, but you”.

“Rose” I growled at her “Cas is my best friend”.

Rose looked at me with an innocent face, “Sure sugar, whatever you say”.

The rest of the afternoon was spent putting away the supplies in the shed behind the house. Cas had bought not just seeds, but shovels, hoe’s, a rake, even a bloody wheelbarrow. The boys helped put the stuff away and they were excitedly discussing what they would plant tomorrow.

Cas with Jimmy’s help marked out the plot of land, they would use for their garden. Sonny and I left them digging the ground, getting it ready for the planting.

Back in the office, Sonny sat down heavily into his chair.

“You ok Sonny” I asked, “You look tired all of a sudden”.

Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands he slumped a bit before answering, “Yeah, that was the first symptom. I’d be tipping along nicely and all of sudden I’d feel like I needed a nap”.

Sonny blew out a breath, “Dean what you’re doing for me………”

“No none of that” I began waving a hand in front of him.

Sonny reached out and grabbed my hand a little desperately, “Dean please, let me say this. This place, this place saved me, and I think it saved you too. That’s why I don’t think I could trust the running of it to anyone but you, you understand how important this place is”.

I squeezed Sonny’s hand, “I do Sonny, and I’m glad I can do this for you. Glad we can, Cas and I” I amended

Sonny leaned back in his chair and looked at me not unlike the way he looked at the 15-year-old Dean (cocky as all hell) Winchester, “I have to say, I was surprised it was Cas you brought with you and not Sam. But I’m glad you did. He has a quiet way about him, but knows how to cut though all the bullshit, you know”.

I laughed at that “Sonny, you have no idea”.

“Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned there” he said staring at me with those all-knowing eyes I remembered from my youth.

I swallowed hard “What do you mean?”

“Just that shit we think is important, who we are or supposed to be, doesn’t really matter. All that matters, we allow ourselves to be who we want to be, allow ourselves to be happy”.

Sonny’s words cut right to the heart of things for me. It also reminded me of a certain conversation with Sam a few nights before we left the bunker.

**FOUR DAYS AGO**

Ending the call with Sheriff Winters of Idaho Springs after informing him that Special Agent Willis, AKA Claire Novak was indeed one of our up-and-coming agents, I sat back and looked around the library. The changes were subtle, but it had a more organised look to it.

Eileen and Cas had headed into Lebanon to do a beer run. I smiled wondering what Cas would come home with this time.

After settling it with Sonny, that Cas would be coming with me, I explained to Cas about running the home, showing him the emails with all the information that Sonny had sent me. Cas went into deep research mode. Looking up ways of making kids feel at ease, parenting tips, even some cooking skills.

But the biggest change was about a week after he was back. Eileen and Cas had gone off on some vague shopping trip. Sam and I hadn’t thought much about it until they came back. We were sitting at the map table drinking beers when they arrived home and I glanced up to say hello and found myself doing a double take. Cas and Eileen walked down the steps with smirks on their faces with Eileen finally saying “What do you think?

What we thought was “What the hell happened to Cas?”

He was wearing light blue jeans, black t-shirt and a light blue denim jacket which I so didn’t notice made his eyes even bluer.

Sam blurted out “Cas did you get a haircut?”

I hadn’t even noticed the haircut; I was so shocked at the clothes. When Cas worked at the Gas n Sip, his clothes reflected his dorkiness, but I could see Eileen’s influence in his choices here.

“I did Sam, what an amazing experience. I especially like the head massage they give you” Cas said.

Eileen looked pleased as punch as Sam said, “Head massage?”

“Oh yes Sam. Apparently, it’s all part of the hair cutting experience. I look forward to my next visit. So, what do you think?” he asks us with his hands spread wide.

“Wow you look good, Cas” Sam said “Different, but I like it, but why the change?”.

“Well, I’m human now, so I will need the change of clothes, but I also want the boys in our charge to be comfortable with me. If I dress more like them, I think it will put them at ease more, or at least that is what my research told me”.

“Of course, Cas. Great idea and I think you managed it” Sam said smiling at him.

Cas then turned his gaze onto me and said, “What do you think Dean?”, but all I could do was nod like an idiot and mutter “Good”.

I was smiling remembering that day when Sam walked into the room while finishing up a call. He ended it and sat down beside me.

“Phones busy?” he asked.

I shrugged, “Few calls, nothing major, you?” pointing to the phone in his hand.

“That was Bobby checking in” Sam replied, “He’s hunting a nest of vampires. He has a couple of people with him, he’s good”.

He looked around and asked, “Eileen and Cas back yet?”

I shook my head, “Nah, not yet, but they said they would bring dinner with them”.

“Oh, thank god, I’m starving” Sam replied.

I saw Sam glance at me, rub the back of his neck, blew out a breath, looked at me again and then decided to think better of it.

Sam couldn’t be more transparent if he tried, “Sam, for the love of Jack, spit it out? What’s on your mind?” I asked him.

Sam stared again for a couple of moments before he said “Cas”.

I looked at him wondering what was wrong, “Cas, he’s ok, isn’t he?”

Sam seemed to come to some decision and said, “Shit, Dean I don’t know if I should even say this but dammit………….. look Cas has been human a few times or close to human as he could get, but this time, he’s fully human you know, he can never be an angel again”.

I grimaced at the reminder but answered him, “I know that Sam, Cas explained it to all of us, but it was his choice, he chose to be here with us”.

Sam gave me his “don’t act stupid” look saying, “Dean I think he chose to be here with you. And now having the full enchilada of feelings at his disposal, well the last few weeks having him here, watching him act around you, well I think……………. I think Cas is in love with you”.

I stared at Sam unblinking. I couldn’t deny it even if I wanted to.

It was like now that Cas had told me his feelings, he didn’t care who saw them. He wore them like a badge of honour, but he never did anything to make me uncomfortable, in fact the few times I had caught him staring at me with a small smile on his face, instead of making me feel uncomfortable, it had made me feel warm inside. And that only managed to confuse the hell out of me.

Sam eyes widened as he watched me, “You know………. How…………..wait are ye already together. Your together and you didn’t tell me, dammit Dean”.

“What, what, no Sammy no, we’re not together, but yes I know, he told me” I said trying to calm down 6 foot 4 inches of sasquatch.

Sam mouth opened in awe “When did he tell you?”

I hesitated, but then I found myself finally telling Sammy the full story of what happened in the dungeon that horrific last day, of Cas’s declaration and his sacrifice.

Sammy’s stunned face when I finished was, I’m sure mirrored in mine.

“No wonder he was so upset when he found out you were leaving” Sam said “But Dean, do you really think it’s fair to him going with you when you can’t return his feelings. Maybe him staying here and giving him a chance to, you know get over you, might be the right thing to do”.

I looked at Sam and everything in me balked at his suggestion.

Of course, Sammy was right, it would be the right thing to do by Cas, but what if…………….

“Or do you??

I looked at Sammy “What?”

Sam arched his eyebrows at me, “Do you return his feelings Dean, you know it wouldn’t bother me if you did, as long as you were happy”.

The question threw me a little bit because for the first time I think I answered honestly about my feelings for Cas, “I don’t know”.

“Then may I make a suggestion. You and Cas will be living together for the next six months, working side by side. No monsters, no apocalypses. Take that time to see how you really feel and if you can’t return his feelings then, you’ll know what to do, and if you do return his feelings well then, I’m sure you know what to do there as well “Sammy said with a smirk on his face.

He was saved from a punch to the face, by the bunker door opening and Eileen calling “We’re back”.

Sam jumped up, the sappy fecker and I followed. Cas beamed down at me from the top of the stairs, “Dean, Sam, look what I found in the thrift shop. People give away the most amazing stuff”.

On Cas’s head was a bright pink beany that had no right looking that nice on a 6-foot former angel of the Lord.

Sam was sniggering behind his hand but all I could say was “Oh boy”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The rest of the evening passed without incident. Sonny went to take a rest and I spent some time with the other boys. Asking them of their likes and dislikes, I found all three of them really liked classic rock music. I told them we would get along just fine.

Cas and Jimmy came in when it started getting dark, both of them muddy and sweaty from their afternoon of digging. They went to shower, and when Rose announced that dinner would be on the table in 15 minutes, I chased the boys to wash up, before washing up myself. Dinner was a lively affair, it was Sonny’s last night, and he did his best to keep everyone’s spirits up, though Rose was a little bit teary eyed and tried to hide it.

Climbing into bed that night, Cas was already asleep and snoring softly after his afternoon of hard work. With Miracle at my feet, I lay on my side watching him until my eyes grew heavy and I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

The next morning after breakfast we all stood in the front yard, Miracle included, to say goodbye to Sonny. He had said his goodbyes to Rose in the kitchen beforehand, and she now stood on the porch just watching.

Sonny turned his attention to the four boys.

“You be good for Dean, Cas and Rose you hear, but more importantly, you be good to yourselves. Now I know this is a big change, especially for you Jimmy but I wouldn’t have Dean and Cas here if I didn’t trust them. But even so, I’ll be giving each of you my phone number so you can call any time ok. If I don’t answer, leave a message and I’ll call back”.

He places a hand on each of their shoulders but when he came to Jimmy, he pulls him in for a hug. He whispered into his ear “I can’t wait to see your garden. It should be in full bloom by the time I get back”.

Jimmy nods his head but doesn’t say anything and Sonny breaks the embrace.

Shaking Cas’s hands, Sonny thanks him again and then pulls me in for a hug.

“Thanks D-Dawg”.

I growled into his shoulder, “You need anything, you pick up the phone you hear, other than that your only job is to get better, no worrying about this place, Cas and I, we’ve got this”.

“I know that Dean” Sonny said as he squeezed me tight before pulling away. He bent down to blow kisses at Miracle before climbing into his car. With a beep of the horn and a wave, Sonny was gone.

Rose called the boys in to help with the housework.

I watched until the car was out of sight, then I turned to face the house.

This was it. Cas and I were on our own with four small charges to care for. All of a sudden, a nest of vampires didn’t sound too bad.

Emotional problems were not exactly my forte, what had I been thinking.

A warm hand squeezed my shoulder. A hand that calmed and centred me.

“Are you alright Dean?”

I looked at the hand on my shoulder and followed the arm to the face of its owner.

Smiling at Cas I said, “I am now”.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**This story is canon compliant up to 15x19.**

**Six Months at** **Sonny’s**

**_After I got out of jail this place gave me a second chance and it’s done the same for you too. So, if you want, I’ll stick my neck out for you and I’ll fight for you to stay._ **

****

Sonny’s voice from long ago echoed in my head as I stared up at the farmhouse with its whitewash paint and its bright green doors and shutters, with something akin to trepidation and excitement.

Turning to look at the surrounding land that’s lush and wild with flowers, oak trees lining the perimeter of the property, I took a deep breath of late spring air, then turned to the man behind me.

“Are you sure about this, it’s not too late to go back to Sam and help him with the training of the new hunters”.

Cas, my best friend going on 12 years smiled at me and replied “My place is with you, Dean. You’re my family”.

“I know that Cas but this……….” shrugging my shoulders and looking back at the farmhouse, “this is unlike anything we have taken on before”.

Cas moved up behind me and I felt his hand on my shoulder, I turned to look at him as he said, “I know, but like always, I’ll go with you Dean”.

Cas’s appearance still takes me by surprise. Instead of the blue suit and tan trench coat, Cas is wearing all black. Black jeans, plain black t-shirt, black denim jacket and black hiking boots. The outfit makes his hair look darker and his eyes bluer than ever. He looks human, he looks………

The sound of the screen door opening had us both turning back to the house and the familiar and welcoming voice of Sonny, “D-Dawg, you made it”.

“D-Dawg?” Cas asks with that endearing head tilt and I laughed.

Walking towards Sonny I growled at him, “Dean works just fine as well, you know”.

“Hell no, you will always be D-Dawg to me” Sonny said with an answering laugh and he embraced me tightly.

Releasing me he nodded his head towards Cas and I finally remembered my manners, “Sonny, this is Cas, my best friend and fellow hunter, and now my partner in crime in this”.

No need to tell him about the angel part, even though he’s not that anymore. The thought actually depresses me when I think of how much Cas has lost, but strangely he seems ok with it.

Sonny grasps Cas’s outstretched hand in his, “Cas, welcome, any friend of D-Dawg is a friend of mine”.

“Thank you” Cas replied smiling at Sonny, “I’m glad to help”.

“And who’s this?” Sonny asks looking behind me into the car.

I grinned and said “That’s Miracle, I did mention her, right?

“Yeah, you did, but you never mentioned what a beauty she is. The boys are gonna love her” Sonny said while blowing kisses at my dog.

Sonny bends his head for a minute and then peers up through his fringe to look at me.

“I don’t how to thank you for doing this for me, Dean. You too Cas. I know what I’m asking isn’t easy”.

“Hey none of that” I reply “It can’t be harder than hunting vampires and the like” though my heart is hammering in my chest thinking about it.

I looked at Sonny now, really looked at him and I could see he had lost weight. His face was pale and there were shadows under his eyes. His green and black plaid shirt was hanging off one shoulder and the belt on his jeans was spanning his waist twice. No matter how nervous I felt, I was even more sure of my decision to come here.

Sonny straightened up and starts walking back towards the house, “Look I don’t leave to start my treatment for a couple of days, so I can show you the ropes myself and introduce you to the boys and to Rose. So, are you both ready to run Sonny’s home for wayward boys?”

I stumble a little when he says that. I had finally found my footing when Sonny turned back to us and says “Only thing, we are short on space here, so you two don’t mind sharing a room, do you?

**THREE MONTHS PREVIOUS**

It’s been a month since everything changed and I’m still processing it. Lying on my bed in my room in the bunker, Miracle atop of my feet, I’m still cataloguing our losses.

Chuck’s gone, Jacks the new God and he’s gone, and Cas is gone.

But everyone else we lost when Chuck did his whammy are back including Eileen, who I can hear laughing down the hall, no doubt at something goofy that Sam had said. I was happy for Sam, for both of them, remembering when Eileen had knocked on the bunker door only a month ago, the look on my brother’s face was nearly worth all the crap we had gone through beforehand.

I felt a bit bad though that Sam’s happiness only highlighted what was missing in my life. I missed Jack and I missed Cas; I missed my best friend.

Whenever I thought about Cas, I couldn’t help thinking back on our last conversation and the implications of what he had revealed to me and truthfully, I was still processing it. But dammit I missed my friend.

I truly thought that by the time Sam and I got back to the bunker after defeating Chuck and saying goodbye to Jack, that Cas would have been here. That Jack would have freed him, but he wasn’t. Now a month has gone by, a month of prayers and research and more prayers to Jack and Cas, begging for him to be returned. Surely Jack wouldn’t leave him in the Empty, Cas was his Dad.

But no matter how much I prayed, I never got a response.

I finally roused myself to go in search of Sam and Eileen and I found them in the kitchen, Miracle trotting in behind me. The smell of food watered my mouth and produced a loud grumble from my stomach.

“Lord above Dean, I can hear you coming” Sam laughed as I came into view. Eileen was sitting at the table laughing at what Sam had said, not having heard said stomach talking.

Winking at Eileen I said “The stomach wants what the stomach wants. So, what’s it getting?”

“Burgers” Sam replied, “You’re getting burgers with chips and would it kill you to try the salad with it”.

Spreading my arms apart I said, “Probably not, but Sammy, why risk it?” as I sat next to Eileen with a grin.

Sammy served up dinner and we spent a pleasant hour just shooting the breeze. It wasn’t until dinner was finished and I was nursing my third beer, that Sam brought up the idea that he and Eileen had discussed.

“Dean, Eileen and I were talking, you know what to do now, you know since Chuck is gone and Team Free Will is alive and kicking”.

“Let me guess Sam, little house on the prairie, white picket fence, couple of rug rats and the two of you sickeningly happy. Am I close?” I asked as cheerfully as I could, wiggling my fingers at the two of them, though the feeling of loneliness hit me like a freight train.

Eileen and Sam went a fabulous shade of pink with a glare from Sam for good measure.

“No” Sam all but snarled at me “We were thinking, there is still monsters in the world. And with Garth settled down with a family, there is no one to help out with the new hunters coming up. I thought we could take over, use the bunker as a training base, a refuge if they need a place to stay when passing through or when injured. We have so much lore and we have the training to make a huge difference”.

I watched Sam as he got more and more animated over their plans. I knew he was including me in those plans but the more he talked, the more tired I felt.

I wasn’t sure I could go back to more of the same. I didn’t think after everything we had gone through; I could go back to killing vampires and werewolves and the like.

I still wanted to help people, I still wanted to make a difference, but I thought maybe I could do it legitimately, maybe be the person who cleans up the mess instead of being the one who walks away and leaves the mess for someone else to clean up.

Somehow, I’m not surprised at these thoughts.

Cas had done more than reveal his feelings to me that last day, he had told me how he saw me, and how others saw me.

Maybe it was the situation, or the timing, or the fact I was ready to hear it, or maybe it was because Cas, former Angel of the Lord, former celestial wavelength who had been alive since the creation of time and my best friend, had told me that I was more than Daddy’s blunt instrument.

I was someone who cared and despite the fact I tried to hide it, the people who loved me saw it. So, what was the point of pretending.

The silence alerted me to the fact that Sam had stopped talking. I looked up and saw they were both looking at me warily. Sam asked, “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“What no, it’s a great idea, Sammy, it really is and I think you and Eileen would be great at it, but……..”

“But what? Sam asked

I looked at my brother, the boy I had raised to become the man before me and I was so proud of what he wanted to do next, but I knew there and then, I was on a different path.

“But it’s not for me” I finally answered. “I’m sorry Sammy, but I think I need to find my own way now”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

I knew I had gone a shade of pink and resolutely did not look behind me at Cas as I followed Sonny into the house.

Sonny gives us the grand tour, pointing out the TV room where the boys do their schoolwork during the day and where they can relax in the evening. Sonny’s office is on the opposite side of the house. It has a desk, three chairs, three filing cabinets and on his desk, beside a stack of files and papers sits an old and battered desktop computer.

Saying he’ll leave the kitchen to last; we head upstairs where Sonny shows us the boys’ rooms, three rooms with three beds in each. Jimmy the eldest boy had a room to himself while the three younger boys were bunking together. There was also one bathroom on the floor for the boys to use.

Miracle followed us sniffing out every corner of the place. Sonny told us that there were usually no more than six boys at any given time but in an emergency, he could take up to four more but that rarely happens. He had only one staff. A woman named Rose who handled the cooking and the cleaning.

After showing us the boys’ rooms, Sonny headed up towards the attic and showed us our room.

Sonny opened the attic door and swung it wide open, “When I heard you were bringing Cas, I got two new beds for you, queen size but unfortunately I couldn’t spring for another room”.

“Sonny, you didn’t have to do that” I protested “I spent my life sleeping on crappy motel beds, Cas too, we would have managed”.

Sonny lowered himself to one of the beds looking a lot pale now, “Dean, seriously, it’s the least I can do. Believe me, what you have taken on is not going to be easy, you are going to be glad of a comfortable bed at the end of your day”.

I looked around the room. The ceiling and walls were of a cherry wood, tongue and grooved in style. A wardrobe, chest of drawers and two lockers beside each bed made up the furniture in the room. Another door revealed an en-suite bathroom with an electric power shower. Sonny laughed when I saw it and he admitted it was his one bit of luxury that he indulged himself in here. But he deserved it and I told him so.

Six years ago, when Sam and I were here to deal with a ghost, we had warded the place against it happening again but since then we had come across bigger and badder things and I wanted to shore the place up some more. I turned back to Sonny and asked, “You still ok with me putting up extra wards”.

Sonny raised his hands in front of him, “Absolutely D-Dawg. Whatever to keep you and the boys safe”.

I nodded my thanks, walking over to look out of one of the two windows in the bedroom.

There was a field behind the house that encroached onto a wooded area. I could see boys in the distance, hanging clothes on a clothesline, and another chopping wood. Cas came to stand beside me and followed my gaze. He turned to me with a small smile on his face. His reaction took a weight off my chest that I hadn’t realised was weighing on me. This wasn’t just a brand-new experience for me, it was brand new for Cas. And I was never so pleased to have him by my side.

Cas and I didn’t have much to unpack, so once we were settled, we made our way down to the kitchen, where we found Sonny sitting at the kitchen table talking to a woman, who must be Rose.

I liked the kitchen immediately. The walls and cabinets were cream with yellow accessories. The curtains, the handles on the kitchen cabinet doors, even the mugs on the table all yellow. It gave the impression of warmth, sunshine, but more importantly, it was welcoming.

“There ye are” Sonny announced. “Get in here and meet Rose. Rose this is D-Dawg and Cas”

“Jeepers Sonny, Dean, my name is Dean” I said exasperated while walking up to shake her hand as she stood to meet us. Cas shook her hand after me and she stepped back to eye us up and down. Rose was anywhere between 40 and 50 years old. She was blonde, slim and in light blue jeans and denim shirt, she was also very easy on the eye.

“Well well, what two handsome men you bring me Sonny, makes me almost sorry I don’t bat for your side” she said with a wink at us.

Sonny threw his head back laughing at her, while Cas just looks puzzled, as usual.

Tilting his head with his trademark confused look on his face, Cas said, “I don’t understand, whose side do you bat for?”

Sonny and Rose both stop laughing to stare at Cas and Rose said, “You serious?”

I clapped a hand on Cas’s back and whispered “I’ll explain later” while I turned and murmured “sheltered upbringing” to Rose and Sonny and that seemed to settle that.

Rose was a no-nonsense woman and I liked her immediately. It steadied my nerves a bit to know that she would be here to help us settle in.

**TWO MONTHS PREVIOUS**

Even though I was hoping to do something different, that didn’t stop me from helping out Sam and Eileen in setting up the bunker in preparation for its new role in the combat of monsters and the training of hunters. We cleaned out 20 bedrooms, buying sheets and duvets to make them ready for weary hunters. We turned another room into an infirmary, stocking up on gauze, alcohol, pain medication, syringes etc.

We already had a shooting range and a workout room to train hunters in combat to fight any foe they might come up against

We sent out word to all known hunters that the bunker was open for business and had already gotten positive responses back. The only thing we would need is for a rotation of people to answer phones for the “FBI” calls that would come in, but Sam was sorting it out like a pro. Looking at him, it was like this is what he was born to do. I was so bloody proud of him.

I was driving back to the bunker having done a beer run when I got the call from Sonny. I couldn’t believe it when I saw his name come up. We had stayed in touch for a while after Sam and I had sorted out his ghost problem, but the Mark of Cain, Amara, Chuck, Jack, Michael and Chuck again had put a chink in the friendship. So, this call was a surprise out of the blue.

Answering the phone, I bypassed a hello with a “Sonny, is that you?”

“D-DAWG, so you are still alive” Sonny says laughing down the phone to me.

“I am Sonny, it’s been a wild few years. Sorry I haven’t been in touch” I answered feeling slightly guilty, though I had no reason to. Some habits die hard no matter how peppy the talk, your dying best friend gives you.

“Man, it’s good to hear your voice” Sonny said, “I hope you don’t mind but I’m looking for a favour”.

“Name it” I said straight away.

What this man did for me as a teenager, he could ask for the moon and I would die trying to give it to him.

“Well, It’s like this. I need someone to run the farm for a while. Maybe for around six months. I don’t want to close it up as this place is a refuge for the kids and I know the State is looking for any reason to shut me down. Sure, why rehabilitate a kid when you can lock them up, right?” Sonny said sounding uncharacteristically bitter.

In the silence after this statement, I asked him “Sonny, what’s wrong?”

Sonny blew out a breath and said “I’m sorry D-Dawg, I’m pissed because well, I’m sick. Its cancer”

The news hit me right in the solar plexus, “Shit, Sonny, fuck it, how bad?” I asked.

Sonny blew out a breath, “Well on a scale of 1-10 it’s about a 6, which isn’t too bad, but the treatment they want me to try will floor me, so if I want to get better, I have to give it 110%. My sister lives in the city and she said I can stay with her while I’m going through it, but Dean I can’t give up on the kids, I can’t let them down. I was hoping you would know someone that would be able to help out, keep the doors open, just until I’m on my feet again”.

Tapping my fingers against the steering wheel, I asked “When do you start treatment Sonny?”

“In a couple of months, end of April” Sonny replied

Nodding my head, I answered him, “Ok, leave it with me. I’ll ask around. We’ll find someone. You might just send me on some information as to what they will need to do with the boys, the farm etc.”

“Absolutely Dean, thank you”, Sonny replied.

I gave Sonny a secure email address to send on the information and after a couple of minutes of catching up, we hung up, with Sonny still thanking me.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

After leaving Rose preparing dinner, we followed Sonny into his office, where he showed us the different forms and red tape that has to be done and filled out when a new boy arrived, during their stay and when they left. It was enough to make your eyes water and give me the start of a headache.

Sonny on seeing our faces said, “Dean, Cas what you have to understand, you’re not here to counsel these kids, or even be their friend but if you can be their friend, that’s great. What the kids who come here need most, is safety. Safety and stability from the world that tries to crush them”.

Sonny pauses and that’s when Cas speaks up “What can we expect, Sonny?”

Sonny is leaning forward, elbows on knees, head down. He looks at both of us through his fringe and sighs “I hope you won’t go running for the hills, but a lot of these kids are coming from homes that you couldn’t imagine in your nightmares. Some of these kids have experienced neglect, but most have been abused, emotionally, physically, sexually”.

Cas recoils at the last word. “But they are children?”

“Damn, you were sheltered” Sonny said in wonder, “Cas, these children get into trouble or run away from home because anywhere is better than where they come from. You are not here to be their counsellor. The State sends people here to help them with that. You are here to give them a safe roof over their heads, chores to ground them and give them a skill and sometimes if they want to talk, you just listen. I know you have chased down some scary monsters in your travels, but to me there is nothing scarier than a human that abuses a child”.

I looked at Cas and then I looked at Sonny “Tell me about the boys we have here now”.

**ONE MONTH PREVIOUS**

It’s been a month since Sonny sent on the information of the running of the farm.

It’s been two weeks since I stopped looking for someone to run it for him.

I should have known that when I started hoping people would say “no” when I asked them could they help out, that I realised I had found what I was looking for. The mess I could help clean up. These boys I could help because, hell I’d been there, Sam and I both.

Sonny laughed when I told him and he said, “I was hoping it would be you, D-Dawg, but I didn’t think you’d ever give up hunting”.

I laughed and said, “Well you caught me on a good decade”.

Now I just had to tell Sam.

Sam looked at me in silence when I broke the news to him and Eileen.

Sitting across from them at the kitchen table, I know he was probably hoping I would change my mind and now I was waiting for the rash of counter arguments he would come up with.

But Sammy as always surprised me.

Sitting across the table from me he asked, “You’re sure about this”.

“What, yeah I am” I laughed in surprise, “I thought I was going to have to argue with you till the cows came home.

Sam laughed ruefully, “Well if you had said anything else to me, I probably would have, but I saw you Dean, when we were there, you loved that farm, loved Sonny, though you tried to hide it, and I know now how hard it was to leave back when you were a teenager. I’m not surprised you’re doing this”.

And then Sam said something that really surprised the hell out of me.

Sammy continued “I also know the reason you left back then was because of me. And I want you to know I really appreciate that”.

I felt the sting of tears at the corners of my eyes and I ducked my head briefly before giving them both a tight smile, “Well, it’s only for six months, at least I’ll know if it’s the right thing for me or not. After that, I might move on to something else but for right now, this feels right, you know”.

Sam reached over to squeeze my hand, “I know Dean, but dammit, I’ll miss you. We both will”.

I turned to Eileen and she reached across the table to squeeze my other hand, “Yes we will”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The clatter of footsteps coming up the porch and into the house was like a stampede.

“Woah woah woah, where’s the fire” called Sonny.

He went out into the hall and we could hear him talk to the boys “Ok supper is nearly ready, but I have a couple of people I want you to meet. So, wash up and be back down in the sitting room in ten minutes. So off with you. Make sure you scrub those hands”.

I smiled to myself remembering those same words being roared at me. Sonny was loud and brash sometimes but always good-natured.

I saw Cas looking at me from the corner of my eye and I winked at him with a smile, “Last chance to save yourself”.

But Cas who hadn’t spoken since Sonny’s speech to us looked completely at peace and said, “Now I know what my purpose here is, Dean. This is where I’m meant to be”.

………………………………………………………………………………………

Standing in front of the four boys under Sonny’s charge, I tried to make myself as small as possible. Cas and I were tall men and these boys looked so small compared to us. By the looks on their faces, they felt it too.

I tried smiling and then thought, no don’t do that, you’re like the creepy uncle, then I tried being serious and that felt worse. Christ, maybe I wasn’t cut out for this at all.

Sonny broke into my thoughts, “Boys these guys here are my friends and they will be looking after you for the next while. This here is Dean Winchester. Dean stayed here himself when he was 15, that’s how we got to know each other, and we’ve kept in touch ever since. And this is Cas Winchester”.

Before we left the bunker, Cas has asked me if he could use the Winchester name as he would need a surname for our new ID’s, actually blushing while stammering the question. The smile on his face when I answered him “I thought you already did” warmed me from the inside out.

The older of the boys sniggered at me and said loud and brashly “Is he your husband because you sure as hell don’t look like brothers”.

I gave the boy a sharp look. The boy’s name was Jimmy, and he was what Sonny called a frequent flyer, meaning this wasn’t his first stay here.

Jimmy’s father was a nasty drunk and when the fists start flying, Jimmy gets the hell out of dodge. The cops pick him up when he’s found wandering the streets and he gets sent here until the father gets his drinking under control again and Jimmy goes home until the cycle starts all over again. It’s a depressing situation and a nightmare for Jimmy.

Dean can relate.

Sonny was about to retort but it was Cas who beat him to it “Why, would that be a problem?”

Sonny and I both stared at Cas in disbelief with Sonny quickly turning to glance at me questionably, but Cas was staring at the boy with a completely bland expression except for that million-dollar blue stare until the boy actually started squirming “Ah no sir……no ah it wouldn’t”.

“Good, so what’s your name?” Cas asked.

“Jimmy Rogers sir” he answered.

Sonny cut in then “Jimmy has been here just a couple of weeks, this time. He’s good with his hands, nearly has enough wood cut to last the winter when it gets here”.

Cas nodded at Sonny on hearing this information, turning to Jimmy he asked, “Really, you like to work with your hands Jimmy?”

Jimmy shrugged nervously not really liking the spotlight on him so much now.

“How are you at growing things?” Cas asked.

Jimmy looked puzzled “You mean like flowers?

Cas replied, “No, I mean vegetables. Would you be interested in planting a vegetable garden, with your permission of course Sonny?”

Holding his hands up, Sonny replied “No problem with me. How about Jimmy?”

Jimmy looked at Cas and it nearly broke my heart a bit watching the boy trying to see Cas’s ulterior motive.

“Yeah, I guess I’d be interested” Jimmy answered quietly.

Cas nodded his head “Good, I’ll head into town tomorrow and get some seeds and utensils to get us started”.

Sonny then introduced us to the other three boys. They were all younger and smaller than Jimmy who was 14 years old, a good-looking boy with blond hair and blue eyes.

Keith was 11 years old, redhaired and freckled with wide green eyes that made him look like he was in a constant state of surprise.

Nicholas was 10 years old, dark skinned, brown eyes, skinny, quiet little thing and according to Sonny smart as a whip.

And last was Joseph, also 10 years old, blond, blue eyes, slightly chubby and a talker once he gets going but had the most mischievous smile, you couldn’t help grinning back at him.

All of the boys had similar stories to Jimmy’s, except for them it was a matter of neglect more than violence. All stuff of nightmares.

All four boys shook our hands and then Sonny sent them off into the kitchen to get their dinner.

Once they were gone Sonny turned to us and said, “I’m sorry, should I have not got the second bed for your room?”

My face dropped but Cas to my shock winked at Sonny and said, “He wishes” and followed the boys out leaving me standing there red-faced and mortified under Sonny’s all-seeing stare.

Later that night, we retired early, as the boys were up early the next day for chores. Cas and I took turns in the bathroom before getting into bed.

We had shared plenty of rooms in the past, both when Cas was an Angel and mostly human. But this felt different. This wasn’t a stop off to a hunt. This was sharing a room for the foreseeable future. We talked for a while about what to expect the next day before Cas eventually said “Goodnight Dean” in that deep timbre of his.

Lying in my bed, in the dark, listening to my best friends even breathing I recalled a day three and half weeks ago in the bunker.

**THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO**

Sam announced, “Ok that’s it, I have done enough, I want beers, I want movies and I want popcorn”.

Eileen and I, both working on our laptops, looked across the table at Sam and then looked at each other, before I asked, “I’m sorry what did you say?”

Sam laughed “Ok ok, I know Dean, that’s usually your line but ok I’m officially beat”.

“Thank God” I growled closing my laptop down, “I honestly thought you were going to get us to start painting every inch of the bunker next, cause like, it couldn’t be more ready”.

Sam held his hands up in defeat.

I pointed at Eileen “You set up for the movie, Sam you get the beers, and I will make the popcorn”.

I was smiling as I entered the kitchen. I was happy, kind of.

Sam and Eileen were good, actually they were great, they had a whole new direction going for them. I was starting something new, something that could make a big difference in some boy’s lives and in mine. I also get to repay Sonny for what he did for me.

But there was still an empty space. A space I couldn’t fill. A space only a six-foot, messy haired, blue eyed, former Angel of the Lord, best friend could fill.

I still prayed every night, I would never, till the end of my days on this earth, not pray for Cas to be returned to me. The fact that I had no idea how to respond to his declaration of love didn’t matter. Cas was family. My family.

Filling up two bowls of popcorn (because Sam & Eileen would share one, the saps) I made my way out to the TV room.

As I entered the room, a sight filled my eyes that for a minute my brain couldn’t comprehend.

Jack was standing beside Eileen, who was crying. She was looking at Sam who was standing with his back to me, looking like he was hunched over someone. It took another second to realise there were arms arounds Sam’s back. Two arms clad in tan sleeves.

I felt light as if I had lifted off the ground and was floating in the air. The next thing I knew, Jack was taking the bowls out of my hands. I stared at him, suddenly beside me and raised my hand to rest on his cheek.

“Hi Dean” Jack said smiling at me. I couldn’t speak. My mouth was moving but no sounds were coming out.

I turned back to look at Sam but instead I saw the face of my best friend. My messy haired, blue eyed, best friend.

“Hello Dean”

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. My vision blurred and the next thing I knew I was hunched over, my arms wrapped around my waist, and my breath was coming out in uneven gasps.

I could hear running footsteps and then strong hands grasped me upwards and then I was clinging on for dear life to Cas, my God it was Cas, he was here, he was real, and I was crying big ugly snotty tears, but I didn’t care.

I could barely fill my lungs my breathing was hitching so bad, but all the while Cas held me tight murmuring “I got you Dean” over and over.

My face was buried in Cas’s neck unable to stop the torrent of tears flowing down my face, whispering “You’re here” over and over.

It was a while before I got myself under control and when I raised my head, that’s when I realised, we were alone. The others had given us some privacy which I really appreciated.

I wiped my face on my shirt and finally looked at Cas. Really looked at him.

He was Cas. Blue suit, trench coat, messy haired Cas.

Completely overwhelmed I started babbling, “I didn’t think I would ever see you again. It’s been months. Cas what happened, why now. Could Jack not get you out?”

Cas hesitated before he spoke “Dean, Jack rescued me straight away”.

At my disbelieving look he continued “Jack needed my help with Heaven. I agreed to help him. Dean it was the least I could do”.

I looked at Cas stunned, “But, why didn’t you tell me…………tell us. Cas, I prayed every god damn night begging for your return, but I got no answer”.

Cas’s hands were still on my shoulders, “Jack told me about your prayers, he told me you wanted me to come home, but I didn’t hear your prayers Dean, I’m sorry”.

At my puzzled look, Cas reached for my hand and placed it flat against his chest. I could feel my cheeks getting warm, but Cas’s stare was peaceful. Under my hand I could feel Cas’s heart beat, the heat from his skin, his heartbeat, heart beat…..

“Dean, I am no longer an Angel, I am fully human now”.

I looked at him in shock, “What! What happened? Jack…………….”

Cas looked at me with that crooked smile of his, “This was a choice, Dean. My choice. I have been rebelling against Heaven since the day I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition”.

Cas squeezed both my shoulder and my hand lying on his chest, “Jack gave me a choice to stay in heaven as an angel or become human and go wherever I choose on Earth. My place is here with you and Sam. You are my family. Unless…….”

And right there in front of me Cas blushed, and it was the most amazing and endearing sight I had ever seen, Cas blushing, “Am I being presumptuous, unless my confession to you about my feelings has changed our friendship, but when Jack told me you……………”

My hand on his chest bunched his shirt and I pulled him against me again.

With my head buried in his shoulder again, I said, “Cas, I’m the one who should be asking you that, if you are ok to be here, with me, when I can’t return…………………”

Cas pulled back and grabbed my face, cupping both cheeks with his hands, “Dean no, no. You are my best friend. My family. I have known for a long time how I felt about you. My happiness was in telling you. That has not changed. I know you love me as a brother and a friend and believe me that and your friendship is enough. It’s enough, please. And seeing how much it means to you that I’m here, Dean it’s enough”.

And Cas smiled at me. A smile not unlike the smile he gave me that awful day in the dungeon of the bunker when he told me he loved me, and then the Empty took him away from me.

A smile that had me questioning everything.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

I woke up the following morning to the sound of snoring. Turning over I looked over at the other bed. Cas was lying on his back, one arm across his stomach and his face turned towards me. He looked peaceful and young in sleep. In sleep. Cas was human. Fully human. I still couldn’t believe it. Cas had asked Jack for this.

As I watched, Cas moved, his arm reaching over his head and the t-shirt he was wearing rose up to reveal a flat, tanned midriff. I felt a shiver that had nothing to do with feeling cold. In fact, I was feeling a bit too warm.

I averted my eyes and had rolled onto my back when I heard “Good morning Dean”.

I glanced over at Cas and I could swear there was a hint of a smile on Cas’s face as if he knew I had been watching him.

“Morning Cas” I said pretending all was fine “So are we ready to do this?”

Cas looked at me and answered, “We are”.

I showered first and made my way down to the kitchen where Sonny, Rose and the boys were just sitting down to breakfast.

“D-Dawg, sit, sit” Sonny says being way too cheerful before 8am.

“D-Dawg needs coffee” I grumbled making my way to the coffee pot.

Rose laughs “I think we’ll have to install a coffee machine in your room Dean so you can be caffeinated before you grace us with your presence”.

“You’re not wrong there, Rose” Cas says coming into the kitchen behind me. “Dean is what I like to call an angry sleeper. Only coffee humanises him”.

I turned to glare at Cas, but my glare vanishes when I looked at him.

Wearing a sky-blue t-shirt that’s fitted too well around his chest and arms, light blue jeans and white sneakers, Cas was actually wearing sneakers, Cas looked……….well he looked………..good. Amazing actually.

I lowered my eyes to my coffee mug and then to the boys who were looking at me a little worried.

“You better believe it” I said to them, but I softened it with a wink and smile.

Sonny left out a belly laugh and looked around the table “Can’t say you haven’t been warned”.

Cas and I sat down to eat the breakfast that Rose had made. Breakfast was a quiet enough affair, with the boys giving Cas and I some side eye looks.

Leaning back in my chair after my fill of bacon and eggs, I said “Rose, that was great thank you”.

Rose smiled “Well don’t get too used to it. I don’t usually work Sundays, but I made an exception for you boys”.

I raised my eyebrows at that and said “Well, now forget the thank you, now I owe you one”.

Rose snorted and pointing her fork at me, she grinned, “I’ll hold you to that”.

Once the boys had eaten, they went back to their rooms to clean them. Once they clattered up the stairs, Sonny went over the agenda with us again.

“Ok first up, the boys have chores, we have chickens that need feeding and the coop needs cleaning out, eggs collected, boys know what to do. They keep their own rooms clean at all times and help Rose out with the housework.

On the weekdays, at 10am they start their schoolwork. The local school here in Hurleyville sends over class work for the boys. I may not have the best schooling myself, but I help with the homework if I can.

On Monday and Fridays, a social worker will call to check in and meet with the boys. Also, Robin comes over to give guitar lessons twice a week, you remember her don’t you Dean” he said with a soft smile on his face. I nodded my head very aware of Cas looking at me curiously.

Sonny looked over at Rose, “Rose here gives cooking lessons and I’ll usually give them lessons on how to look after themselves, hygiene, street smarts and sometimes a few self-defence moves. That’s basically the routine. Anything you want to add to that is fine by me. That garden is a great idea Cas, I like it”.

Cas smiles at Sonny as he continues, “After dinner in the evenings, their time is their own until lights out at nine”.

Rose looked between Sonny and Cas and said, “What’s this now?” and Cas told her of his plans to plant a vegetable garden.

“Well, that’s a great idea?” Rose exclaimed “I would love to do it myself, but I suck at gardening”.

“She really does” Sonny laughed as Rose swiped him with a dish cloth, “She even killed an ivy plant, and those suckers would survive an apocalypse”.

I listened to Sonny and thought ok, that doesn’t sound so bad. Sonny had told us privately that the boys were allowed to leave the farm, but only with one of us, but Cas was heading into town alone for his first trip until we got familiar with the place, or so I thought.

“Sonny is there a gardening store in town where I can get seeds and utensils for our gardening project?” Cas asked.

“You were serious about that” Jimmy asks as he entered the kitchen to help clean up.

I looked at Jimmy and I said, “Cas never says anything he doesn’t mean”.

Cas looked at me with soft eyes and I blushed when I realised how that sounded. The last truth Cas spoke to me was that he was in love with me.

Rose laughed and said to Cas, “I’m heading into town later, I can show you where it is. The gardening store is open seven days a week, but it has shorter hours today, being a Sunday”.

“Thank you Rose” Cas said

We all gave a hand clearing up after breakfast and then we marched over to the chicken coop to watch how the boys fed the chickens, cleaned the coop and collected the eggs.

Cas was like a kid in a sweet shop. He had this big goofy smile on his face, and he peppered Sonny with questions about the different types of chickens, what they ate, how soon the eggs were laid. Sonny was in his element answering him. He was clearly delighted with Cas’s interest.

I sent a silent prayer of thanks up to Jack in Heaven for returning my friend to me. I knew I could have managed here on my own, but this was better.

With a big smile on my face, I joined the boys in cleaning the coop, asking them questions about what the chickens liked, and I even got a few tentative smiles back from them, which I would take as a win.

Later on, after the housework was done, Cas and Rose took off into Hurleyville, the boys were allowed some free time outside and Sonny and I went into his office to go over some more of the rules and regulations.

After that I took a walk around the property. Surrounded by fields on three sides, there was a wooded area to the rear of the property that Sonny told me has hiking trails. Halfway between the house and the woods was a big barn. I walked over to have a look around and saw it looked the exact same as when I was here 6 years ago. Plenty of storage space for whatever Cas picked up at the gardening store.

There was a place to the rear of the house that would make a perfect spot for Cas’s vegetable garden. Trust Cas to come up with the perfect idea to keep the boys engaged and watch them see something they planted with their own two hands, grow and flourish.

Standing there breathing in the warm spring air, I felt a lightness in me that I never thought would be possible. The world was safe from Chuck, Jack was watching over us now, Sam was safe and happy with Eileen and me, well I had Cas.

I had my best friend at my side ready to take on this new challenge together and if deep down I felt a contentment and peace at that knowledge, well it wasn’t hurting anyone, was it.

I smiled to myself remembering that night at the bunker when Cas had come home, and the next morning when I told Cas I was leaving.

**THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO**

Cas and I eventually left the T.V. room to find the others and we found them in the kitchen, drinking beer and eating the popcorn I had made.

I was still feeling unsteady from the evening events but this time I went straight to Jack and enveloped him in a bear hug.

“Thank you, Jack, thank you for Cas” I whispered to him still feeling so overwhelmed.

“You’re welcome Dean” Jack replied, and I swear I could feel his smile from where his face was buried in my shoulder.

I leaned back and held him by the shoulders and said “We’ve missed you too, you know. How long can you stay?”

Jack smiled that sweet smile of his and said, “I can stay a while”.

So, the five of us sat around the kitchen table, talking and laughing, drinking beer and eating popcorn. We didn’t talk about plans for the future or anything like that. We just enjoyed our family being back together even if just for a small while. Cas couldn’t get enough of Miracle even commenting that her coat was the same colour as his.

After a few hours, Jack took his leave, but he promised to drop in soon. I wanted to continue the impromptu party but a glance at Cas showed he was exhausted.

“Cas you ok, you look like your dead on your feet?” I asked him.

“Human now, remember?” Cas said with his eyes drooping and slurring his words a little, thanks to the beers he consumed.

“Right” I said laughing “C’mon, let’s get you to bed”.

Cas stood slightly unsteady on his feet. He turned to Sam and pulled him around the waist for a hug “Night Sam, I’m so glad I’m home”.

Instead of laughing, Sam actually got teary eyed and hugged Cas back “Yeah Cas, it’s really good your home. We missed you”.

“Missed you too, Sam” Cas mumbled looking like he had taken up residence in my brothers’ arms and had no intention of leaving. Eileen had her two hands to her mouth smiling at the sight, which I had to admit was freaking adorable.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough from the love birds” I said prying Cas away from Sam. “Let’s get you to bed”.

This only made Cas swap one pair of arms for another. The next thing I knew I was enveloped in 6 feet of former angel.

“I missed you too, Dean, missed you a lot” Cas slurred against my neck, his arms tight around my shoulders.

“Oh boy, c’mon” and with his arms still wrapped around me, I dragged Cas down to his bedroom with Sam and Eileen’s chuckles ringing in my ears which were now a rosy pink, I’m sure.

In the bedroom, I sat Cas down on the bed, managing to detangle his arms from around my neck. He had discarded his coat and suit jacket, during the evening, so I bent down to take off his shoes.

Kneeling at his feet, I heard Cas whisper my name. I looked up at him and stopped. Cas was staring down at me with those big blue eyes of his with a small smile on his face. The first thing that came to my mind was “He’s so beautiful”.

Whoa, where the hell did that come from. Jesus. How many beers did I have?

I cleared my throat, “You ok Cas, I’m just taking off your shoes”.

Cas just nodded still staring down at me.

Shoes off, I laid him down on the bed pulling the covers over him. Cas’s eyes were closed, and I thought he had already fallen asleep, when his eyes opened again and he reached out to me saying, “I’m really home Dean, right?

I grasped his hand and knelt back down beside him, “Yes, Cas you’re really home” I told him.

Cas smiled, squeezed my hand and closing his eyes he said, “Goodnight Dean, I love you”.

His words hit me square against my chest and I don’t know how long I knelt there, still holding his hand and watched him sleep.

The next morning after a sleepless night, (and I would deny it if anyone asked, I got up several times just to make sure Cas was really here) I shuffled my way to the kitchen in search of coffee.

That I could smell bacon as well, hurried my shuffling along. I found Sam standing over the stove cooking breakfast and Eileen and Cas sitting at the kitchen table, coffee cups in front of them.

“Hey look who decided to join us” Sam crowed way too cheerfully.

I pointed at the coffeepot ignoring the smirk from my brother. I grabbed a mug and poured myself some coffee. I took two deep gulps from my cup before turning to face the room.

“Morning” I said making my way to the table to sit next to Cas. He was looking a bit bleary eyed himself and I wondered what he remembered of last night. I felt my face pinking up at the thought. To cover up my discomfiture, I pinched Cas on the arm.

He jumped and growled at me, “What was that for?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I replied “Just making sure you’re real”.

“I’m real, ok, but now I’m real with a bruise on my arm” Cas muttered grumpily.

I grinned at him and pushed my shoulder against his which earned me a sideways half smile from Cas, while Sam served us up breakfast.

We were nearly finished when Cas commented on the changes in the bunker.

“Sam, I noticed on the way to the kitchen, that you have a lot of bedrooms set up and you’ve changed things around in the library. Are you expecting people?”

As if he had been anticipating the question, Sam excitedly told Cas all about their plans for the bunker and the future upcoming hunters they would train.

Cas listened attentively and asked a question here and there, before finally saying, “Sam, Dean, Eileen, this is a wonderful thing you are doing. Putting all this to good use. I hope I will be able to help in some small way”.

“Absolutely Cas, of course you can. You may be human now, but you were a former angel, and the knowledge you have would help loads of people” Sam replied before stopping, realising maybe at last what Cas had said.

Sam looked at me and nodded towards Cas. Cas saw this and he looked from me to Sam and asked “What, what is it?”.

I sighed and said “Cas, we didn’t get a chance to tell you this but, well, I’m not staying here. I’m actually leaving in a few weeks”.

Cas just stared at me and the colour seemed to drain from his face “Leaving. You mean like on a hunt”.

“No, I’m actually giving up hunting for a while, Cas. I’m heading to New York State to help out a friend” I trailed off seeing the look on Cas’s face.

Cas’s eyes seemed to be boring into my soul, “Your leaving” he whispered, “For how long?”

“Six months” I replied.

Cas seemed to absorb that information, staring down at his empty plate before he stood up murmuring “I see, right, ok, ah excuse me”.

Not expecting this I called after him, “Cas wait, I…………………..” but Cas had hurried out of the kitchen

I looked at Sam and Eileen in horror, feeling even worse than when I had to ask him to leave the bunker, years before.

“Jesus Dean, go after him” Sam said.

I hurried after Cas, but he has already disappeared. Man, he could really move. Reaching his bedroom, I thought I could hear him inside.

“Cas, are you in there, can I come in” I asked from outside his door. It was a moment later before I heard “Of course Dean”.

I opened the door and Cas was sitting on the bed, his face turned away from me.

Closing the door behind me I said “Cas, I’m sorry for springing the news on you that way. I was going to tell you last night, but it didn’t seem the time.”

Cas shrugged, “No, its fine, Dean, I’m sorry for my reaction. I just thought we would have more time together. But its ok. We still have a few weeks before you go, don’t we, and six months isn’t that long. I can help Sam and Eileen out here, and we’ll see each other when you get back”.

Even as he spoke, Cas kept his face averted and I soon saw why. I had edged nearer to him while he talked, and I now saw something that nearly broke my heart. Cas was crying. Over me. Again.

The first and only time I saw Cas crying was that goddamn awful day in the dungeon when he told me he loved me, and then the Empty took him.

Why did I always keep hurting him? After everything he has done for me and for Sam, I always kept on hurting him.

Sitting down on the bed beside him, I hitched one leg up so I could turn towards him, “I don’t want it to be another six months before I see you again Cas. But if you have your heart set on staying here and helping Sam, then I guess I can live with it”.

Cas turned to me, his face wet from tears and that puzzled look on his face, but I continued “Or if you want, you could come with me”.

My heart trembled a bit at the hopeful look on his face, “Dean, are you sure?”

I laughed softly, “Of course I’m sure, that’s what I was trying to tell you before you left the kitchen, did you really think I was going to leave you here, you are my best friend and I just got you back, but Cas you don’t even know what you’ll be doing with me”.

Cas pulled his leg up on the bed mimicking me, so we were face to face, “I don’t care. I’ll go with you, Dean”.

And there they were. The words that Cas had said to me on more than one occasion including that last horrible day when we had left to challenge Death.

I’ll go with you Dean.

Sitting on the bed, grinning at each other like idjits, I pulled him into a hug, and a knot that I hadn’t known I had, unfurled in my belly at the knowledge I was going on this new adventure with my best friend at my side.

**SONNY’S** **HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The sound of Rose’s truck returning pulled me out of my musings. I walked around to the front of the house to see Rose and Cas unpacking what looked like half of the gardening centre from the bed of the truck.

“Damn Cas, did you leave anything for anyone else?” I asked laughing.

Cas grinned at me over a bag of fertiliser and said “We got a good haul. The lady at the gardening store was very helpful”.

Rose hooted a laugh “Yeah, you bet she was. She took one look at your baby blues and she was smitten”.

Turning to me she winked and said, “I thought I was going to have to pry Cas from her cold dead hands”.

Before my eyes, Cas turned an impressive shade of red and muttered something I couldn’t hear.

“Sorry Cas I didn’t quite catch that” I asked grinning.

But Cas stalked off around the house with the bag of fertilizer over his shoulder leaving Rose and I grinning after him.

Walking around to the bed of the truck, I pulled out another bag of fertilizer, “So gardening store lady is smitten is she now?” I asked Rose.

Rose snorted “Ah yeah, and also Betty at the grocery store and even Paul at the Gas N Sip”.

I raised my eyes at that and ignored the sudden stab of something, deep in my belly.

“Ah don’t worry sugar” she grins at me “That boy has eyes for no one, but you”.

“Rose” I growled at her “Cas is my best friend”.

Rose looked at me with an innocent face, “Sure sugar, whatever you say”.

The rest of the afternoon was spent putting away the supplies in the shed behind the house. Cas had bought not just seeds, but shovels, hoe’s, a rake, even a bloody wheelbarrow. The boys helped put the stuff away and they were excitedly discussing what they would plant tomorrow.

Cas with Jimmy’s help marked out the plot of land, they would use for their garden. Sonny and I left them digging the ground, getting it ready for the planting.

Back in the office, Sonny sat down heavily into his chair.

“You ok Sonny” I asked, “You look tired all of a sudden”.

Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands he slumped a bit before answering, “Yeah, that was the first symptom. I’d be tipping along nicely and all of sudden I’d feel like I needed a nap”.

Sonny blew out a breath, “Dean what you’re doing for me………”

“No none of that” I began waving a hand in front of him.

Sonny reached out and grabbed my hand a little desperately, “Dean please, let me say this. This place, this place saved me, and I think it saved you too. That’s why I don’t think I could trust the running of it to anyone but you, you understand how important this place is”.

I squeezed Sonny’s hand, “I do Sonny, and I’m glad I can do this for you. Glad we can, Cas and I” I amended

Sonny leaned back in his chair and looked at me not unlike the way he looked at the 15-year-old Dean (cocky as all hell) Winchester, “I have to say, I was surprised it was Cas you brought with you and not Sam. But I’m glad you did. He has a quiet way about him, but knows how to cut though all the bullshit, you know”.

I laughed at that “Sonny, you have no idea”.

“Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned there” he said staring at me with those all-knowing eyes I remembered from my youth.

I swallowed hard “What do you mean?”

“Just that shit we think is important, who we are or supposed to be, doesn’t really matter. All that matters, we allow ourselves to be who we want to be, allow ourselves to be happy”.

Sonny’s words cut right to the heart of things for me. It also reminded me of a certain conversation with Sam a few nights before we left the bunker.

**FOUR DAYS AGO**

Ending the call with Sheriff Winters of Idaho Springs after informing him that Special Agent Willis, AKA Claire Novak was indeed one of our up-and-coming agents, I sat back and looked around the library. The changes were subtle, but it had a more organised look to it.

Eileen and Cas had headed into Lebanon to do a beer run. I smiled wondering what Cas would come home with this time.

After settling it with Sonny, that Cas would be coming with me, I explained to Cas about running the home, showing him the emails with all the information that Sonny had sent me. Cas went into deep research mode. Looking up ways of making kids feel at ease, parenting tips, even some cooking skills.

But the biggest change was about a week after he was back. Eileen and Cas had gone off on some vague shopping trip. Sam and I hadn’t thought much about it until they came back. We were sitting at the map table drinking beers when they arrived home and I glanced up to say hello and found myself doing a double take. Cas and Eileen walked down the steps with smirks on their faces with Eileen finally saying “What do you think?

What we thought was “What the hell happened to Cas?”

He was wearing light blue jeans, black t-shirt and a light blue denim jacket which I so didn’t notice made his eyes even bluer.

Sam blurted out “Cas did you get a haircut?”

I hadn’t even noticed the haircut; I was so shocked at the clothes. When Cas worked at the Gas n Sip, his clothes reflected his dorkiness, but I could see Eileen’s influence in his choices here.

“I did Sam, what an amazing experience. I especially like the head massage they give you” Cas said.

Eileen looked pleased as punch as Sam said, “Head massage?”

“Oh yes Sam. Apparently, it’s all part of the hair cutting experience. I look forward to my next visit. So, what do you think?” he asks us with his hands spread wide.

“Wow you look good, Cas” Sam said “Different, but I like it, but why the change?”.

“Well, I’m human now, so I will need the change of clothes, but I also want the boys in our charge to be comfortable with me. If I dress more like them, I think it will put them at ease more, or at least that is what my research told me”.

“Of course, Cas. Great idea and I think you managed it” Sam said smiling at him.

Cas then turned his gaze onto me and said, “What do you think Dean?”, but all I could do was nod like an idiot and mutter “Good”.

I was smiling remembering that day when Sam walked into the room while finishing up a call. He ended it and sat down beside me.

“Phones busy?” he asked.

I shrugged, “Few calls, nothing major, you?” pointing to the phone in his hand.

“That was Bobby checking in” Sam replied, “He’s hunting a nest of vampires. He has a couple of people with him, he’s good”.

He looked around and asked, “Eileen and Cas back yet?”

I shook my head, “Nah, not yet, but they said they would bring dinner with them”.

“Oh, thank god, I’m starving” Sam replied.

I saw Sam glance at me, rub the back of his neck, blew out a breath, looked at me again and then decided to think better of it.

Sam couldn’t be more transparent if he tried, “Sam, for the love of Jack, spit it out? What’s on your mind?” I asked him.

Sam stared again for a couple of moments before he said “Cas”.

I looked at him wondering what was wrong, “Cas, he’s ok, isn’t he?”

Sam seemed to come to some decision and said, “Shit, Dean I don’t know if I should even say this but dammit………….. look Cas has been human a few times or close to human as he could get, but this time, he’s fully human you know, he can never be an angel again”.

I grimaced at the reminder but answered him, “I know that Sam, Cas explained it to all of us, but it was his choice, he chose to be here with us”.

Sam gave me his “don’t act stupid” look saying, “Dean I think he chose to be here with you. And now having the full enchilada of feelings at his disposal, well the last few weeks having him here, watching him act around you, well I think……………. I think Cas is in love with you”.

I stared at Sam unblinking. I couldn’t deny it even if I wanted to.

It was like now that Cas had told me his feelings, he didn’t care who saw them. He wore them like a badge of honour, but he never did anything to make me uncomfortable, in fact the few times I had caught him staring at me with a small smile on his face, instead of making me feel uncomfortable, it had made me feel warm inside. And that only managed to confuse the hell out of me.

Sam eyes widened as he watched me, “You know………. How…………..wait are ye already together. Your together and you didn’t tell me, dammit Dean”.

“What, what, no Sammy no, we’re not together, but yes I know, he told me” I said trying to calm down 6 foot 4 inches of sasquatch.

Sam mouth opened in awe “When did he tell you?”

I hesitated, but then I found myself finally telling Sammy the full story of what happened in the dungeon that horrific last day, of Cas’s declaration and his sacrifice.

Sammy’s stunned face when I finished was, I’m sure mirrored in mine.

“No wonder he was so upset when he found out you were leaving” Sam said “But Dean, do you really think it’s fair to him going with you when you can’t return his feelings. Maybe him staying here and giving him a chance to, you know get over you, might be the right thing to do”.

I looked at Sam and everything in me balked at his suggestion.

Of course, Sammy was right, it would be the right thing to do by Cas, but what if…………….

“Or do you??

I looked at Sammy “What?”

Sam arched his eyebrows at me, “Do you return his feelings Dean, you know it wouldn’t bother me if you did, as long as you were happy”.

The question threw me a little bit because for the first time I think I answered honestly about my feelings for Cas, “I don’t know”.

“Then may I make a suggestion. You and Cas will be living together for the next six months, working side by side. No monsters, no apocalypses. Take that time to see how you really feel and if you can’t return his feelings then, you’ll know what to do, and if you do return his feelings well then, I’m sure you know what to do there as well “Sammy said with a smirk on his face.

He was saved from a punch to the face, by the bunker door opening and Eileen calling “We’re back”.

Sam jumped up, the sappy fecker and I followed. Cas beamed down at me from the top of the stairs, “Dean, Sam, look what I found in the thrift shop. People give away the most amazing stuff”.

On Cas’s head was a bright pink beany that had no right looking that nice on a 6-foot former angel of the Lord.

Sam was sniggering behind his hand but all I could say was “Oh boy”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The rest of the evening passed without incident. Sonny went to take a rest and I spent some time with the other boys. Asking them of their likes and dislikes, I found all three of them really liked classic rock music. I told them we would get along just fine.

Cas and Jimmy came in when it started getting dark, both of them muddy and sweaty from their afternoon of digging. They went to shower, and when Rose announced that dinner would be on the table in 15 minutes, I chased the boys to wash up, before washing up myself. Dinner was a lively affair, it was Sonny’s last night, and he did his best to keep everyone’s spirits up, though Rose was a little bit teary eyed and tried to hide it.

Climbing into bed that night, Cas was already asleep and snoring softly after his afternoon of hard work. With Miracle at my feet, I lay on my side watching him until my eyes grew heavy and I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

The next morning after breakfast we all stood in the front yard, Miracle included, to say goodbye to Sonny. He had said his goodbyes to Rose in the kitchen beforehand, and she now stood on the porch just watching.

Sonny turned his attention to the four boys.

“You be good for Dean, Cas and Rose you hear, but more importantly, you be good to yourselves. Now I know this is a big change, especially for you Jimmy but I wouldn’t have Dean and Cas here if I didn’t trust them. But even so, I’ll be giving each of you my phone number so you can call any time ok. If I don’t answer, leave a message and I’ll call back”.

He places a hand on each of their shoulders but when he came to Jimmy, he pulls him in for a hug. He whispered into his ear “I can’t wait to see your garden. It should be in full bloom by the time I get back”.

Jimmy nods his head but doesn’t say anything and Sonny breaks the embrace.

Shaking Cas’s hands, Sonny thanks him again and then pulls me in for a hug.

“Thanks D-Dawg”.

I growled into his shoulder, “You need anything, you pick up the phone you hear, other than that your only job is to get better, no worrying about this place, Cas and I, we’ve got this”.

“I know that Dean” Sonny said as he squeezed me tight before pulling away. He bent down to blow kisses at Miracle before climbing into his car. With a beep of the horn and a wave, Sonny was gone.

Rose called the boys in to help with the housework.

I watched until the car was out of sight, then I turned to face the house.

This was it. Cas and I were on our own with four small charges to care for. All of a sudden, a nest of vampires didn’t sound too bad.

Emotional problems were not exactly my forte, what had I been thinking.

A warm hand squeezed my shoulder. A hand that calmed and centred me.

“Are you alright Dean?”

I looked at the hand on my shoulder and followed the arm to the face of its owner.

Smiling at Cas I said, “I am now”.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**This story is canon compliant up to 15x19.**

**Six Months at** **Sonny’s**

**_After I got out of jail this place gave me a second chance and it’s done the same for you too. So, if you want, I’ll stick my neck out for you and I’ll fight for you to stay._ **

****

Sonny’s voice from long ago echoed in my head as I stared up at the farmhouse with its whitewash paint and its bright green doors and shutters, with something akin to trepidation and excitement.

Turning to look at the surrounding land that’s lush and wild with flowers, oak trees lining the perimeter of the property, I took a deep breath of late spring air, then turned to the man behind me.

“Are you sure about this, it’s not too late to go back to Sam and help him with the training of the new hunters”.

Cas, my best friend going on 12 years smiled at me and replied “My place is with you, Dean. You’re my family”.

“I know that Cas but this……….” shrugging my shoulders and looking back at the farmhouse, “this is unlike anything we have taken on before”.

Cas moved up behind me and I felt his hand on my shoulder, I turned to look at him as he said, “I know, but like always, I’ll go with you Dean”.

Cas’s appearance still takes me by surprise. Instead of the blue suit and tan trench coat, Cas is wearing all black. Black jeans, plain black t-shirt, black denim jacket and black hiking boots. The outfit makes his hair look darker and his eyes bluer than ever. He looks human, he looks………

The sound of the screen door opening had us both turning back to the house and the familiar and welcoming voice of Sonny, “D-Dawg, you made it”.

“D-Dawg?” Cas asks with that endearing head tilt and I laughed.

Walking towards Sonny I growled at him, “Dean works just fine as well, you know”.

“Hell no, you will always be D-Dawg to me” Sonny said with an answering laugh and he embraced me tightly.

Releasing me he nodded his head towards Cas and I finally remembered my manners, “Sonny, this is Cas, my best friend and fellow hunter, and now my partner in crime in this”.

No need to tell him about the angel part, even though he’s not that anymore. The thought actually depresses me when I think of how much Cas has lost, but strangely he seems ok with it.

Sonny grasps Cas’s outstretched hand in his, “Cas, welcome, any friend of D-Dawg is a friend of mine”.

“Thank you” Cas replied smiling at Sonny, “I’m glad to help”.

“And who’s this?” Sonny asks looking behind me into the car.

I grinned and said “That’s Miracle, I did mention her, right?

“Yeah, you did, but you never mentioned what a beauty she is. The boys are gonna love her” Sonny said while blowing kisses at my dog.

Sonny bends his head for a minute and then peers up through his fringe to look at me.

“I don’t how to thank you for doing this for me, Dean. You too Cas. I know what I’m asking isn’t easy”.

“Hey none of that” I reply “It can’t be harder than hunting vampires and the like” though my heart is hammering in my chest thinking about it.

I looked at Sonny now, really looked at him and I could see he had lost weight. His face was pale and there were shadows under his eyes. His green and black plaid shirt was hanging off one shoulder and the belt on his jeans was spanning his waist twice. No matter how nervous I felt, I was even more sure of my decision to come here.

Sonny straightened up and starts walking back towards the house, “Look I don’t leave to start my treatment for a couple of days, so I can show you the ropes myself and introduce you to the boys and to Rose. So, are you both ready to run Sonny’s home for wayward boys?”

I stumble a little when he says that. I had finally found my footing when Sonny turned back to us and says “Only thing, we are short on space here, so you two don’t mind sharing a room, do you?

**THREE MONTHS PREVIOUS**

It’s been a month since everything changed and I’m still processing it. Lying on my bed in my room in the bunker, Miracle atop of my feet, I’m still cataloguing our losses.

Chuck’s gone, Jacks the new God and he’s gone, and Cas is gone.

But everyone else we lost when Chuck did his whammy are back including Eileen, who I can hear laughing down the hall, no doubt at something goofy that Sam had said. I was happy for Sam, for both of them, remembering when Eileen had knocked on the bunker door only a month ago, the look on my brother’s face was nearly worth all the crap we had gone through beforehand.

I felt a bit bad though that Sam’s happiness only highlighted what was missing in my life. I missed Jack and I missed Cas; I missed my best friend.

Whenever I thought about Cas, I couldn’t help thinking back on our last conversation and the implications of what he had revealed to me and truthfully, I was still processing it. But dammit I missed my friend.

I truly thought that by the time Sam and I got back to the bunker after defeating Chuck and saying goodbye to Jack, that Cas would have been here. That Jack would have freed him, but he wasn’t. Now a month has gone by, a month of prayers and research and more prayers to Jack and Cas, begging for him to be returned. Surely Jack wouldn’t leave him in the Empty, Cas was his Dad.

But no matter how much I prayed, I never got a response.

I finally roused myself to go in search of Sam and Eileen and I found them in the kitchen, Miracle trotting in behind me. The smell of food watered my mouth and produced a loud grumble from my stomach.

“Lord above Dean, I can hear you coming” Sam laughed as I came into view. Eileen was sitting at the table laughing at what Sam had said, not having heard said stomach talking.

Winking at Eileen I said “The stomach wants what the stomach wants. So, what’s it getting?”

“Burgers” Sam replied, “You’re getting burgers with chips and would it kill you to try the salad with it”.

Spreading my arms apart I said, “Probably not, but Sammy, why risk it?” as I sat next to Eileen with a grin.

Sammy served up dinner and we spent a pleasant hour just shooting the breeze. It wasn’t until dinner was finished and I was nursing my third beer, that Sam brought up the idea that he and Eileen had discussed.

“Dean, Eileen and I were talking, you know what to do now, you know since Chuck is gone and Team Free Will is alive and kicking”.

“Let me guess Sam, little house on the prairie, white picket fence, couple of rug rats and the two of you sickeningly happy. Am I close?” I asked as cheerfully as I could, wiggling my fingers at the two of them, though the feeling of loneliness hit me like a freight train.

Eileen and Sam went a fabulous shade of pink with a glare from Sam for good measure.

“No” Sam all but snarled at me “We were thinking, there is still monsters in the world. And with Garth settled down with a family, there is no one to help out with the new hunters coming up. I thought we could take over, use the bunker as a training base, a refuge if they need a place to stay when passing through or when injured. We have so much lore and we have the training to make a huge difference”.

I watched Sam as he got more and more animated over their plans. I knew he was including me in those plans but the more he talked, the more tired I felt.

I wasn’t sure I could go back to more of the same. I didn’t think after everything we had gone through; I could go back to killing vampires and werewolves and the like.

I still wanted to help people, I still wanted to make a difference, but I thought maybe I could do it legitimately, maybe be the person who cleans up the mess instead of being the one who walks away and leaves the mess for someone else to clean up.

Somehow, I’m not surprised at these thoughts.

Cas had done more than reveal his feelings to me that last day, he had told me how he saw me, and how others saw me.

Maybe it was the situation, or the timing, or the fact I was ready to hear it, or maybe it was because Cas, former Angel of the Lord, former celestial wavelength who had been alive since the creation of time and my best friend, had told me that I was more than Daddy’s blunt instrument.

I was someone who cared and despite the fact I tried to hide it, the people who loved me saw it. So, what was the point of pretending.

The silence alerted me to the fact that Sam had stopped talking. I looked up and saw they were both looking at me warily. Sam asked, “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“What no, it’s a great idea, Sammy, it really is and I think you and Eileen would be great at it, but……..”

“But what? Sam asked

I looked at my brother, the boy I had raised to become the man before me and I was so proud of what he wanted to do next, but I knew there and then, I was on a different path.

“But it’s not for me” I finally answered. “I’m sorry Sammy, but I think I need to find my own way now”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

I knew I had gone a shade of pink and resolutely did not look behind me at Cas as I followed Sonny into the house.

Sonny gives us the grand tour, pointing out the TV room where the boys do their schoolwork during the day and where they can relax in the evening. Sonny’s office is on the opposite side of the house. It has a desk, three chairs, three filing cabinets and on his desk, beside a stack of files and papers sits an old and battered desktop computer.

Saying he’ll leave the kitchen to last; we head upstairs where Sonny shows us the boys’ rooms, three rooms with three beds in each. Jimmy the eldest boy had a room to himself while the three younger boys were bunking together. There was also one bathroom on the floor for the boys to use.

Miracle followed us sniffing out every corner of the place. Sonny told us that there were usually no more than six boys at any given time but in an emergency, he could take up to four more but that rarely happens. He had only one staff. A woman named Rose who handled the cooking and the cleaning.

After showing us the boys’ rooms, Sonny headed up towards the attic and showed us our room.

Sonny opened the attic door and swung it wide open, “When I heard you were bringing Cas, I got two new beds for you, queen size but unfortunately I couldn’t spring for another room”.

“Sonny, you didn’t have to do that” I protested “I spent my life sleeping on crappy motel beds, Cas too, we would have managed”.

Sonny lowered himself to one of the beds looking a lot pale now, “Dean, seriously, it’s the least I can do. Believe me, what you have taken on is not going to be easy, you are going to be glad of a comfortable bed at the end of your day”.

I looked around the room. The ceiling and walls were of a cherry wood, tongue and grooved in style. A wardrobe, chest of drawers and two lockers beside each bed made up the furniture in the room. Another door revealed an en-suite bathroom with an electric power shower. Sonny laughed when I saw it and he admitted it was his one bit of luxury that he indulged himself in here. But he deserved it and I told him so.

Six years ago, when Sam and I were here to deal with a ghost, we had warded the place against it happening again but since then we had come across bigger and badder things and I wanted to shore the place up some more. I turned back to Sonny and asked, “You still ok with me putting up extra wards”.

Sonny raised his hands in front of him, “Absolutely D-Dawg. Whatever to keep you and the boys safe”.

I nodded my thanks, walking over to look out of one of the two windows in the bedroom.

There was a field behind the house that encroached onto a wooded area. I could see boys in the distance, hanging clothes on a clothesline, and another chopping wood. Cas came to stand beside me and followed my gaze. He turned to me with a small smile on his face. His reaction took a weight off my chest that I hadn’t realised was weighing on me. This wasn’t just a brand-new experience for me, it was brand new for Cas. And I was never so pleased to have him by my side.

Cas and I didn’t have much to unpack, so once we were settled, we made our way down to the kitchen, where we found Sonny sitting at the kitchen table talking to a woman, who must be Rose.

I liked the kitchen immediately. The walls and cabinets were cream with yellow accessories. The curtains, the handles on the kitchen cabinet doors, even the mugs on the table all yellow. It gave the impression of warmth, sunshine, but more importantly, it was welcoming.

“There ye are” Sonny announced. “Get in here and meet Rose. Rose this is D-Dawg and Cas”

“Jeepers Sonny, Dean, my name is Dean” I said exasperated while walking up to shake her hand as she stood to meet us. Cas shook her hand after me and she stepped back to eye us up and down. Rose was anywhere between 40 and 50 years old. She was blonde, slim and in light blue jeans and denim shirt, she was also very easy on the eye.

“Well well, what two handsome men you bring me Sonny, makes me almost sorry I don’t bat for your side” she said with a wink at us.

Sonny threw his head back laughing at her, while Cas just looks puzzled, as usual.

Tilting his head with his trademark confused look on his face, Cas said, “I don’t understand, whose side do you bat for?”

Sonny and Rose both stop laughing to stare at Cas and Rose said, “You serious?”

I clapped a hand on Cas’s back and whispered “I’ll explain later” while I turned and murmured “sheltered upbringing” to Rose and Sonny and that seemed to settle that.

Rose was a no-nonsense woman and I liked her immediately. It steadied my nerves a bit to know that she would be here to help us settle in.

**TWO MONTHS PREVIOUS**

Even though I was hoping to do something different, that didn’t stop me from helping out Sam and Eileen in setting up the bunker in preparation for its new role in the combat of monsters and the training of hunters. We cleaned out 20 bedrooms, buying sheets and duvets to make them ready for weary hunters. We turned another room into an infirmary, stocking up on gauze, alcohol, pain medication, syringes etc.

We already had a shooting range and a workout room to train hunters in combat to fight any foe they might come up against

We sent out word to all known hunters that the bunker was open for business and had already gotten positive responses back. The only thing we would need is for a rotation of people to answer phones for the “FBI” calls that would come in, but Sam was sorting it out like a pro. Looking at him, it was like this is what he was born to do. I was so bloody proud of him.

I was driving back to the bunker having done a beer run when I got the call from Sonny. I couldn’t believe it when I saw his name come up. We had stayed in touch for a while after Sam and I had sorted out his ghost problem, but the Mark of Cain, Amara, Chuck, Jack, Michael and Chuck again had put a chink in the friendship. So, this call was a surprise out of the blue.

Answering the phone, I bypassed a hello with a “Sonny, is that you?”

“D-DAWG, so you are still alive” Sonny says laughing down the phone to me.

“I am Sonny, it’s been a wild few years. Sorry I haven’t been in touch” I answered feeling slightly guilty, though I had no reason to. Some habits die hard no matter how peppy the talk, your dying best friend gives you.

“Man, it’s good to hear your voice” Sonny said, “I hope you don’t mind but I’m looking for a favour”.

“Name it” I said straight away.

What this man did for me as a teenager, he could ask for the moon and I would die trying to give it to him.

“Well, It’s like this. I need someone to run the farm for a while. Maybe for around six months. I don’t want to close it up as this place is a refuge for the kids and I know the State is looking for any reason to shut me down. Sure, why rehabilitate a kid when you can lock them up, right?” Sonny said sounding uncharacteristically bitter.

In the silence after this statement, I asked him “Sonny, what’s wrong?”

Sonny blew out a breath and said “I’m sorry D-Dawg, I’m pissed because well, I’m sick. Its cancer”

The news hit me right in the solar plexus, “Shit, Sonny, fuck it, how bad?” I asked.

Sonny blew out a breath, “Well on a scale of 1-10 it’s about a 6, which isn’t too bad, but the treatment they want me to try will floor me, so if I want to get better, I have to give it 110%. My sister lives in the city and she said I can stay with her while I’m going through it, but Dean I can’t give up on the kids, I can’t let them down. I was hoping you would know someone that would be able to help out, keep the doors open, just until I’m on my feet again”.

Tapping my fingers against the steering wheel, I asked “When do you start treatment Sonny?”

“In a couple of months, end of April” Sonny replied

Nodding my head, I answered him, “Ok, leave it with me. I’ll ask around. We’ll find someone. You might just send me on some information as to what they will need to do with the boys, the farm etc.”

“Absolutely Dean, thank you”, Sonny replied.

I gave Sonny a secure email address to send on the information and after a couple of minutes of catching up, we hung up, with Sonny still thanking me.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

After leaving Rose preparing dinner, we followed Sonny into his office, where he showed us the different forms and red tape that has to be done and filled out when a new boy arrived, during their stay and when they left. It was enough to make your eyes water and give me the start of a headache.

Sonny on seeing our faces said, “Dean, Cas what you have to understand, you’re not here to counsel these kids, or even be their friend but if you can be their friend, that’s great. What the kids who come here need most, is safety. Safety and stability from the world that tries to crush them”.

Sonny pauses and that’s when Cas speaks up “What can we expect, Sonny?”

Sonny is leaning forward, elbows on knees, head down. He looks at both of us through his fringe and sighs “I hope you won’t go running for the hills, but a lot of these kids are coming from homes that you couldn’t imagine in your nightmares. Some of these kids have experienced neglect, but most have been abused, emotionally, physically, sexually”.

Cas recoils at the last word. “But they are children?”

“Damn, you were sheltered” Sonny said in wonder, “Cas, these children get into trouble or run away from home because anywhere is better than where they come from. You are not here to be their counsellor. The State sends people here to help them with that. You are here to give them a safe roof over their heads, chores to ground them and give them a skill and sometimes if they want to talk, you just listen. I know you have chased down some scary monsters in your travels, but to me there is nothing scarier than a human that abuses a child”.

I looked at Cas and then I looked at Sonny “Tell me about the boys we have here now”.

**ONE MONTH PREVIOUS**

It’s been a month since Sonny sent on the information of the running of the farm.

It’s been two weeks since I stopped looking for someone to run it for him.

I should have known that when I started hoping people would say “no” when I asked them could they help out, that I realised I had found what I was looking for. The mess I could help clean up. These boys I could help because, hell I’d been there, Sam and I both.

Sonny laughed when I told him and he said, “I was hoping it would be you, D-Dawg, but I didn’t think you’d ever give up hunting”.

I laughed and said, “Well you caught me on a good decade”.

Now I just had to tell Sam.

Sam looked at me in silence when I broke the news to him and Eileen.

Sitting across from them at the kitchen table, I know he was probably hoping I would change my mind and now I was waiting for the rash of counter arguments he would come up with.

But Sammy as always surprised me.

Sitting across the table from me he asked, “You’re sure about this”.

“What, yeah I am” I laughed in surprise, “I thought I was going to have to argue with you till the cows came home.

Sam laughed ruefully, “Well if you had said anything else to me, I probably would have, but I saw you Dean, when we were there, you loved that farm, loved Sonny, though you tried to hide it, and I know now how hard it was to leave back when you were a teenager. I’m not surprised you’re doing this”.

And then Sam said something that really surprised the hell out of me.

Sammy continued “I also know the reason you left back then was because of me. And I want you to know I really appreciate that”.

I felt the sting of tears at the corners of my eyes and I ducked my head briefly before giving them both a tight smile, “Well, it’s only for six months, at least I’ll know if it’s the right thing for me or not. After that, I might move on to something else but for right now, this feels right, you know”.

Sam reached over to squeeze my hand, “I know Dean, but dammit, I’ll miss you. We both will”.

I turned to Eileen and she reached across the table to squeeze my other hand, “Yes we will”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The clatter of footsteps coming up the porch and into the house was like a stampede.

“Woah woah woah, where’s the fire” called Sonny.

He went out into the hall and we could hear him talk to the boys “Ok supper is nearly ready, but I have a couple of people I want you to meet. So, wash up and be back down in the sitting room in ten minutes. So off with you. Make sure you scrub those hands”.

I smiled to myself remembering those same words being roared at me. Sonny was loud and brash sometimes but always good-natured.

I saw Cas looking at me from the corner of my eye and I winked at him with a smile, “Last chance to save yourself”.

But Cas who hadn’t spoken since Sonny’s speech to us looked completely at peace and said, “Now I know what my purpose here is, Dean. This is where I’m meant to be”.

………………………………………………………………………………………

Standing in front of the four boys under Sonny’s charge, I tried to make myself as small as possible. Cas and I were tall men and these boys looked so small compared to us. By the looks on their faces, they felt it too.

I tried smiling and then thought, no don’t do that, you’re like the creepy uncle, then I tried being serious and that felt worse. Christ, maybe I wasn’t cut out for this at all.

Sonny broke into my thoughts, “Boys these guys here are my friends and they will be looking after you for the next while. This here is Dean Winchester. Dean stayed here himself when he was 15, that’s how we got to know each other, and we’ve kept in touch ever since. And this is Cas Winchester”.

Before we left the bunker, Cas has asked me if he could use the Winchester name as he would need a surname for our new ID’s, actually blushing while stammering the question. The smile on his face when I answered him “I thought you already did” warmed me from the inside out.

The older of the boys sniggered at me and said loud and brashly “Is he your husband because you sure as hell don’t look like brothers”.

I gave the boy a sharp look. The boy’s name was Jimmy, and he was what Sonny called a frequent flyer, meaning this wasn’t his first stay here.

Jimmy’s father was a nasty drunk and when the fists start flying, Jimmy gets the hell out of dodge. The cops pick him up when he’s found wandering the streets and he gets sent here until the father gets his drinking under control again and Jimmy goes home until the cycle starts all over again. It’s a depressing situation and a nightmare for Jimmy.

Dean can relate.

Sonny was about to retort but it was Cas who beat him to it “Why, would that be a problem?”

Sonny and I both stared at Cas in disbelief with Sonny quickly turning to glance at me questionably, but Cas was staring at the boy with a completely bland expression except for that million-dollar blue stare until the boy actually started squirming “Ah no sir……no ah it wouldn’t”.

“Good, so what’s your name?” Cas asked.

“Jimmy Rogers sir” he answered.

Sonny cut in then “Jimmy has been here just a couple of weeks, this time. He’s good with his hands, nearly has enough wood cut to last the winter when it gets here”.

Cas nodded at Sonny on hearing this information, turning to Jimmy he asked, “Really, you like to work with your hands Jimmy?”

Jimmy shrugged nervously not really liking the spotlight on him so much now.

“How are you at growing things?” Cas asked.

Jimmy looked puzzled “You mean like flowers?

Cas replied, “No, I mean vegetables. Would you be interested in planting a vegetable garden, with your permission of course Sonny?”

Holding his hands up, Sonny replied “No problem with me. How about Jimmy?”

Jimmy looked at Cas and it nearly broke my heart a bit watching the boy trying to see Cas’s ulterior motive.

“Yeah, I guess I’d be interested” Jimmy answered quietly.

Cas nodded his head “Good, I’ll head into town tomorrow and get some seeds and utensils to get us started”.

Sonny then introduced us to the other three boys. They were all younger and smaller than Jimmy who was 14 years old, a good-looking boy with blond hair and blue eyes.

Keith was 11 years old, redhaired and freckled with wide green eyes that made him look like he was in a constant state of surprise.

Nicholas was 10 years old, dark skinned, brown eyes, skinny, quiet little thing and according to Sonny smart as a whip.

And last was Joseph, also 10 years old, blond, blue eyes, slightly chubby and a talker once he gets going but had the most mischievous smile, you couldn’t help grinning back at him.

All of the boys had similar stories to Jimmy’s, except for them it was a matter of neglect more than violence. All stuff of nightmares.

All four boys shook our hands and then Sonny sent them off into the kitchen to get their dinner.

Once they were gone Sonny turned to us and said, “I’m sorry, should I have not got the second bed for your room?”

My face dropped but Cas to my shock winked at Sonny and said, “He wishes” and followed the boys out leaving me standing there red-faced and mortified under Sonny’s all-seeing stare.

Later that night, we retired early, as the boys were up early the next day for chores. Cas and I took turns in the bathroom before getting into bed.

We had shared plenty of rooms in the past, both when Cas was an Angel and mostly human. But this felt different. This wasn’t a stop off to a hunt. This was sharing a room for the foreseeable future. We talked for a while about what to expect the next day before Cas eventually said “Goodnight Dean” in that deep timbre of his.

Lying in my bed, in the dark, listening to my best friends even breathing I recalled a day three and half weeks ago in the bunker.

**THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO**

Sam announced, “Ok that’s it, I have done enough, I want beers, I want movies and I want popcorn”.

Eileen and I, both working on our laptops, looked across the table at Sam and then looked at each other, before I asked, “I’m sorry what did you say?”

Sam laughed “Ok ok, I know Dean, that’s usually your line but ok I’m officially beat”.

“Thank God” I growled closing my laptop down, “I honestly thought you were going to get us to start painting every inch of the bunker next, cause like, it couldn’t be more ready”.

Sam held his hands up in defeat.

I pointed at Eileen “You set up for the movie, Sam you get the beers, and I will make the popcorn”.

I was smiling as I entered the kitchen. I was happy, kind of.

Sam and Eileen were good, actually they were great, they had a whole new direction going for them. I was starting something new, something that could make a big difference in some boy’s lives and in mine. I also get to repay Sonny for what he did for me.

But there was still an empty space. A space I couldn’t fill. A space only a six-foot, messy haired, blue eyed, former Angel of the Lord, best friend could fill.

I still prayed every night, I would never, till the end of my days on this earth, not pray for Cas to be returned to me. The fact that I had no idea how to respond to his declaration of love didn’t matter. Cas was family. My family.

Filling up two bowls of popcorn (because Sam & Eileen would share one, the saps) I made my way out to the TV room.

As I entered the room, a sight filled my eyes that for a minute my brain couldn’t comprehend.

Jack was standing beside Eileen, who was crying. She was looking at Sam who was standing with his back to me, looking like he was hunched over someone. It took another second to realise there were arms arounds Sam’s back. Two arms clad in tan sleeves.

I felt light as if I had lifted off the ground and was floating in the air. The next thing I knew, Jack was taking the bowls out of my hands. I stared at him, suddenly beside me and raised my hand to rest on his cheek.

“Hi Dean” Jack said smiling at me. I couldn’t speak. My mouth was moving but no sounds were coming out.

I turned back to look at Sam but instead I saw the face of my best friend. My messy haired, blue eyed, best friend.

“Hello Dean”

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. My vision blurred and the next thing I knew I was hunched over, my arms wrapped around my waist, and my breath was coming out in uneven gasps.

I could hear running footsteps and then strong hands grasped me upwards and then I was clinging on for dear life to Cas, my God it was Cas, he was here, he was real, and I was crying big ugly snotty tears, but I didn’t care.

I could barely fill my lungs my breathing was hitching so bad, but all the while Cas held me tight murmuring “I got you Dean” over and over.

My face was buried in Cas’s neck unable to stop the torrent of tears flowing down my face, whispering “You’re here” over and over.

It was a while before I got myself under control and when I raised my head, that’s when I realised, we were alone. The others had given us some privacy which I really appreciated.

I wiped my face on my shirt and finally looked at Cas. Really looked at him.

He was Cas. Blue suit, trench coat, messy haired Cas.

Completely overwhelmed I started babbling, “I didn’t think I would ever see you again. It’s been months. Cas what happened, why now. Could Jack not get you out?”

Cas hesitated before he spoke “Dean, Jack rescued me straight away”.

At my disbelieving look he continued “Jack needed my help with Heaven. I agreed to help him. Dean it was the least I could do”.

I looked at Cas stunned, “But, why didn’t you tell me…………tell us. Cas, I prayed every god damn night begging for your return, but I got no answer”.

Cas’s hands were still on my shoulders, “Jack told me about your prayers, he told me you wanted me to come home, but I didn’t hear your prayers Dean, I’m sorry”.

At my puzzled look, Cas reached for my hand and placed it flat against his chest. I could feel my cheeks getting warm, but Cas’s stare was peaceful. Under my hand I could feel Cas’s heart beat, the heat from his skin, his heartbeat, heart beat…..

“Dean, I am no longer an Angel, I am fully human now”.

I looked at him in shock, “What! What happened? Jack…………….”

Cas looked at me with that crooked smile of his, “This was a choice, Dean. My choice. I have been rebelling against Heaven since the day I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition”.

Cas squeezed both my shoulder and my hand lying on his chest, “Jack gave me a choice to stay in heaven as an angel or become human and go wherever I choose on Earth. My place is here with you and Sam. You are my family. Unless…….”

And right there in front of me Cas blushed, and it was the most amazing and endearing sight I had ever seen, Cas blushing, “Am I being presumptuous, unless my confession to you about my feelings has changed our friendship, but when Jack told me you……………”

My hand on his chest bunched his shirt and I pulled him against me again.

With my head buried in his shoulder again, I said, “Cas, I’m the one who should be asking you that, if you are ok to be here, with me, when I can’t return…………………”

Cas pulled back and grabbed my face, cupping both cheeks with his hands, “Dean no, no. You are my best friend. My family. I have known for a long time how I felt about you. My happiness was in telling you. That has not changed. I know you love me as a brother and a friend and believe me that and your friendship is enough. It’s enough, please. And seeing how much it means to you that I’m here, Dean it’s enough”.

And Cas smiled at me. A smile not unlike the smile he gave me that awful day in the dungeon of the bunker when he told me he loved me, and then the Empty took him away from me.

A smile that had me questioning everything.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

I woke up the following morning to the sound of snoring. Turning over I looked over at the other bed. Cas was lying on his back, one arm across his stomach and his face turned towards me. He looked peaceful and young in sleep. In sleep. Cas was human. Fully human. I still couldn’t believe it. Cas had asked Jack for this.

As I watched, Cas moved, his arm reaching over his head and the t-shirt he was wearing rose up to reveal a flat, tanned midriff. I felt a shiver that had nothing to do with feeling cold. In fact, I was feeling a bit too warm.

I averted my eyes and had rolled onto my back when I heard “Good morning Dean”.

I glanced over at Cas and I could swear there was a hint of a smile on Cas’s face as if he knew I had been watching him.

“Morning Cas” I said pretending all was fine “So are we ready to do this?”

Cas looked at me and answered, “We are”.

I showered first and made my way down to the kitchen where Sonny, Rose and the boys were just sitting down to breakfast.

“D-Dawg, sit, sit” Sonny says being way too cheerful before 8am.

“D-Dawg needs coffee” I grumbled making my way to the coffee pot.

Rose laughs “I think we’ll have to install a coffee machine in your room Dean so you can be caffeinated before you grace us with your presence”.

“You’re not wrong there, Rose” Cas says coming into the kitchen behind me. “Dean is what I like to call an angry sleeper. Only coffee humanises him”.

I turned to glare at Cas, but my glare vanishes when I looked at him.

Wearing a sky-blue t-shirt that’s fitted too well around his chest and arms, light blue jeans and white sneakers, Cas was actually wearing sneakers, Cas looked……….well he looked………..good. Amazing actually.

I lowered my eyes to my coffee mug and then to the boys who were looking at me a little worried.

“You better believe it” I said to them, but I softened it with a wink and smile.

Sonny left out a belly laugh and looked around the table “Can’t say you haven’t been warned”.

Cas and I sat down to eat the breakfast that Rose had made. Breakfast was a quiet enough affair, with the boys giving Cas and I some side eye looks.

Leaning back in my chair after my fill of bacon and eggs, I said “Rose, that was great thank you”.

Rose smiled “Well don’t get too used to it. I don’t usually work Sundays, but I made an exception for you boys”.

I raised my eyebrows at that and said “Well, now forget the thank you, now I owe you one”.

Rose snorted and pointing her fork at me, she grinned, “I’ll hold you to that”.

Once the boys had eaten, they went back to their rooms to clean them. Once they clattered up the stairs, Sonny went over the agenda with us again.

“Ok first up, the boys have chores, we have chickens that need feeding and the coop needs cleaning out, eggs collected, boys know what to do. They keep their own rooms clean at all times and help Rose out with the housework.

On the weekdays, at 10am they start their schoolwork. The local school here in Hurleyville sends over class work for the boys. I may not have the best schooling myself, but I help with the homework if I can.

On Monday and Fridays, a social worker will call to check in and meet with the boys. Also, Robin comes over to give guitar lessons twice a week, you remember her don’t you Dean” he said with a soft smile on his face. I nodded my head very aware of Cas looking at me curiously.

Sonny looked over at Rose, “Rose here gives cooking lessons and I’ll usually give them lessons on how to look after themselves, hygiene, street smarts and sometimes a few self-defence moves. That’s basically the routine. Anything you want to add to that is fine by me. That garden is a great idea Cas, I like it”.

Cas smiles at Sonny as he continues, “After dinner in the evenings, their time is their own until lights out at nine”.

Rose looked between Sonny and Cas and said, “What’s this now?” and Cas told her of his plans to plant a vegetable garden.

“Well, that’s a great idea?” Rose exclaimed “I would love to do it myself, but I suck at gardening”.

“She really does” Sonny laughed as Rose swiped him with a dish cloth, “She even killed an ivy plant, and those suckers would survive an apocalypse”.

I listened to Sonny and thought ok, that doesn’t sound so bad. Sonny had told us privately that the boys were allowed to leave the farm, but only with one of us, but Cas was heading into town alone for his first trip until we got familiar with the place, or so I thought.

“Sonny is there a gardening store in town where I can get seeds and utensils for our gardening project?” Cas asked.

“You were serious about that” Jimmy asks as he entered the kitchen to help clean up.

I looked at Jimmy and I said, “Cas never says anything he doesn’t mean”.

Cas looked at me with soft eyes and I blushed when I realised how that sounded. The last truth Cas spoke to me was that he was in love with me.

Rose laughed and said to Cas, “I’m heading into town later, I can show you where it is. The gardening store is open seven days a week, but it has shorter hours today, being a Sunday”.

“Thank you Rose” Cas said

We all gave a hand clearing up after breakfast and then we marched over to the chicken coop to watch how the boys fed the chickens, cleaned the coop and collected the eggs.

Cas was like a kid in a sweet shop. He had this big goofy smile on his face, and he peppered Sonny with questions about the different types of chickens, what they ate, how soon the eggs were laid. Sonny was in his element answering him. He was clearly delighted with Cas’s interest.

I sent a silent prayer of thanks up to Jack in Heaven for returning my friend to me. I knew I could have managed here on my own, but this was better.

With a big smile on my face, I joined the boys in cleaning the coop, asking them questions about what the chickens liked, and I even got a few tentative smiles back from them, which I would take as a win.

Later on, after the housework was done, Cas and Rose took off into Hurleyville, the boys were allowed some free time outside and Sonny and I went into his office to go over some more of the rules and regulations.

After that I took a walk around the property. Surrounded by fields on three sides, there was a wooded area to the rear of the property that Sonny told me has hiking trails. Halfway between the house and the woods was a big barn. I walked over to have a look around and saw it looked the exact same as when I was here 6 years ago. Plenty of storage space for whatever Cas picked up at the gardening store.

There was a place to the rear of the house that would make a perfect spot for Cas’s vegetable garden. Trust Cas to come up with the perfect idea to keep the boys engaged and watch them see something they planted with their own two hands, grow and flourish.

Standing there breathing in the warm spring air, I felt a lightness in me that I never thought would be possible. The world was safe from Chuck, Jack was watching over us now, Sam was safe and happy with Eileen and me, well I had Cas.

I had my best friend at my side ready to take on this new challenge together and if deep down I felt a contentment and peace at that knowledge, well it wasn’t hurting anyone, was it.

I smiled to myself remembering that night at the bunker when Cas had come home, and the next morning when I told Cas I was leaving.

**THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO**

Cas and I eventually left the T.V. room to find the others and we found them in the kitchen, drinking beer and eating the popcorn I had made.

I was still feeling unsteady from the evening events but this time I went straight to Jack and enveloped him in a bear hug.

“Thank you, Jack, thank you for Cas” I whispered to him still feeling so overwhelmed.

“You’re welcome Dean” Jack replied, and I swear I could feel his smile from where his face was buried in my shoulder.

I leaned back and held him by the shoulders and said “We’ve missed you too, you know. How long can you stay?”

Jack smiled that sweet smile of his and said, “I can stay a while”.

So, the five of us sat around the kitchen table, talking and laughing, drinking beer and eating popcorn. We didn’t talk about plans for the future or anything like that. We just enjoyed our family being back together even if just for a small while. Cas couldn’t get enough of Miracle even commenting that her coat was the same colour as his.

After a few hours, Jack took his leave, but he promised to drop in soon. I wanted to continue the impromptu party but a glance at Cas showed he was exhausted.

“Cas you ok, you look like your dead on your feet?” I asked him.

“Human now, remember?” Cas said with his eyes drooping and slurring his words a little, thanks to the beers he consumed.

“Right” I said laughing “C’mon, let’s get you to bed”.

Cas stood slightly unsteady on his feet. He turned to Sam and pulled him around the waist for a hug “Night Sam, I’m so glad I’m home”.

Instead of laughing, Sam actually got teary eyed and hugged Cas back “Yeah Cas, it’s really good your home. We missed you”.

“Missed you too, Sam” Cas mumbled looking like he had taken up residence in my brothers’ arms and had no intention of leaving. Eileen had her two hands to her mouth smiling at the sight, which I had to admit was freaking adorable.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough from the love birds” I said prying Cas away from Sam. “Let’s get you to bed”.

This only made Cas swap one pair of arms for another. The next thing I knew I was enveloped in 6 feet of former angel.

“I missed you too, Dean, missed you a lot” Cas slurred against my neck, his arms tight around my shoulders.

“Oh boy, c’mon” and with his arms still wrapped around me, I dragged Cas down to his bedroom with Sam and Eileen’s chuckles ringing in my ears which were now a rosy pink, I’m sure.

In the bedroom, I sat Cas down on the bed, managing to detangle his arms from around my neck. He had discarded his coat and suit jacket, during the evening, so I bent down to take off his shoes.

Kneeling at his feet, I heard Cas whisper my name. I looked up at him and stopped. Cas was staring down at me with those big blue eyes of his with a small smile on his face. The first thing that came to my mind was “He’s so beautiful”.

Whoa, where the hell did that come from. Jesus. How many beers did I have?

I cleared my throat, “You ok Cas, I’m just taking off your shoes”.

Cas just nodded still staring down at me.

Shoes off, I laid him down on the bed pulling the covers over him. Cas’s eyes were closed, and I thought he had already fallen asleep, when his eyes opened again and he reached out to me saying, “I’m really home Dean, right?

I grasped his hand and knelt back down beside him, “Yes, Cas you’re really home” I told him.

Cas smiled, squeezed my hand and closing his eyes he said, “Goodnight Dean, I love you”.

His words hit me square against my chest and I don’t know how long I knelt there, still holding his hand and watched him sleep.

The next morning after a sleepless night, (and I would deny it if anyone asked, I got up several times just to make sure Cas was really here) I shuffled my way to the kitchen in search of coffee.

That I could smell bacon as well, hurried my shuffling along. I found Sam standing over the stove cooking breakfast and Eileen and Cas sitting at the kitchen table, coffee cups in front of them.

“Hey look who decided to join us” Sam crowed way too cheerfully.

I pointed at the coffeepot ignoring the smirk from my brother. I grabbed a mug and poured myself some coffee. I took two deep gulps from my cup before turning to face the room.

“Morning” I said making my way to the table to sit next to Cas. He was looking a bit bleary eyed himself and I wondered what he remembered of last night. I felt my face pinking up at the thought. To cover up my discomfiture, I pinched Cas on the arm.

He jumped and growled at me, “What was that for?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I replied “Just making sure you’re real”.

“I’m real, ok, but now I’m real with a bruise on my arm” Cas muttered grumpily.

I grinned at him and pushed my shoulder against his which earned me a sideways half smile from Cas, while Sam served us up breakfast.

We were nearly finished when Cas commented on the changes in the bunker.

“Sam, I noticed on the way to the kitchen, that you have a lot of bedrooms set up and you’ve changed things around in the library. Are you expecting people?”

As if he had been anticipating the question, Sam excitedly told Cas all about their plans for the bunker and the future upcoming hunters they would train.

Cas listened attentively and asked a question here and there, before finally saying, “Sam, Dean, Eileen, this is a wonderful thing you are doing. Putting all this to good use. I hope I will be able to help in some small way”.

“Absolutely Cas, of course you can. You may be human now, but you were a former angel, and the knowledge you have would help loads of people” Sam replied before stopping, realising maybe at last what Cas had said.

Sam looked at me and nodded towards Cas. Cas saw this and he looked from me to Sam and asked “What, what is it?”.

I sighed and said “Cas, we didn’t get a chance to tell you this but, well, I’m not staying here. I’m actually leaving in a few weeks”.

Cas just stared at me and the colour seemed to drain from his face “Leaving. You mean like on a hunt”.

“No, I’m actually giving up hunting for a while, Cas. I’m heading to New York State to help out a friend” I trailed off seeing the look on Cas’s face.

Cas’s eyes seemed to be boring into my soul, “Your leaving” he whispered, “For how long?”

“Six months” I replied.

Cas seemed to absorb that information, staring down at his empty plate before he stood up murmuring “I see, right, ok, ah excuse me”.

Not expecting this I called after him, “Cas wait, I…………………..” but Cas had hurried out of the kitchen

I looked at Sam and Eileen in horror, feeling even worse than when I had to ask him to leave the bunker, years before.

“Jesus Dean, go after him” Sam said.

I hurried after Cas, but he has already disappeared. Man, he could really move. Reaching his bedroom, I thought I could hear him inside.

“Cas, are you in there, can I come in” I asked from outside his door. It was a moment later before I heard “Of course Dean”.

I opened the door and Cas was sitting on the bed, his face turned away from me.

Closing the door behind me I said “Cas, I’m sorry for springing the news on you that way. I was going to tell you last night, but it didn’t seem the time.”

Cas shrugged, “No, its fine, Dean, I’m sorry for my reaction. I just thought we would have more time together. But its ok. We still have a few weeks before you go, don’t we, and six months isn’t that long. I can help Sam and Eileen out here, and we’ll see each other when you get back”.

Even as he spoke, Cas kept his face averted and I soon saw why. I had edged nearer to him while he talked, and I now saw something that nearly broke my heart. Cas was crying. Over me. Again.

The first and only time I saw Cas crying was that goddamn awful day in the dungeon when he told me he loved me, and then the Empty took him.

Why did I always keep hurting him? After everything he has done for me and for Sam, I always kept on hurting him.

Sitting down on the bed beside him, I hitched one leg up so I could turn towards him, “I don’t want it to be another six months before I see you again Cas. But if you have your heart set on staying here and helping Sam, then I guess I can live with it”.

Cas turned to me, his face wet from tears and that puzzled look on his face, but I continued “Or if you want, you could come with me”.

My heart trembled a bit at the hopeful look on his face, “Dean, are you sure?”

I laughed softly, “Of course I’m sure, that’s what I was trying to tell you before you left the kitchen, did you really think I was going to leave you here, you are my best friend and I just got you back, but Cas you don’t even know what you’ll be doing with me”.

Cas pulled his leg up on the bed mimicking me, so we were face to face, “I don’t care. I’ll go with you, Dean”.

And there they were. The words that Cas had said to me on more than one occasion including that last horrible day when we had left to challenge Death.

I’ll go with you Dean.

Sitting on the bed, grinning at each other like idjits, I pulled him into a hug, and a knot that I hadn’t known I had, unfurled in my belly at the knowledge I was going on this new adventure with my best friend at my side.

**SONNY’S** **HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The sound of Rose’s truck returning pulled me out of my musings. I walked around to the front of the house to see Rose and Cas unpacking what looked like half of the gardening centre from the bed of the truck.

“Damn Cas, did you leave anything for anyone else?” I asked laughing.

Cas grinned at me over a bag of fertiliser and said “We got a good haul. The lady at the gardening store was very helpful”.

Rose hooted a laugh “Yeah, you bet she was. She took one look at your baby blues and she was smitten”.

Turning to me she winked and said, “I thought I was going to have to pry Cas from her cold dead hands”.

Before my eyes, Cas turned an impressive shade of red and muttered something I couldn’t hear.

“Sorry Cas I didn’t quite catch that” I asked grinning.

But Cas stalked off around the house with the bag of fertilizer over his shoulder leaving Rose and I grinning after him.

Walking around to the bed of the truck, I pulled out another bag of fertilizer, “So gardening store lady is smitten is she now?” I asked Rose.

Rose snorted “Ah yeah, and also Betty at the grocery store and even Paul at the Gas N Sip”.

I raised my eyes at that and ignored the sudden stab of something, deep in my belly.

“Ah don’t worry sugar” she grins at me “That boy has eyes for no one, but you”.

“Rose” I growled at her “Cas is my best friend”.

Rose looked at me with an innocent face, “Sure sugar, whatever you say”.

The rest of the afternoon was spent putting away the supplies in the shed behind the house. Cas had bought not just seeds, but shovels, hoe’s, a rake, even a bloody wheelbarrow. The boys helped put the stuff away and they were excitedly discussing what they would plant tomorrow.

Cas with Jimmy’s help marked out the plot of land, they would use for their garden. Sonny and I left them digging the ground, getting it ready for the planting.

Back in the office, Sonny sat down heavily into his chair.

“You ok Sonny” I asked, “You look tired all of a sudden”.

Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands he slumped a bit before answering, “Yeah, that was the first symptom. I’d be tipping along nicely and all of sudden I’d feel like I needed a nap”.

Sonny blew out a breath, “Dean what you’re doing for me………”

“No none of that” I began waving a hand in front of him.

Sonny reached out and grabbed my hand a little desperately, “Dean please, let me say this. This place, this place saved me, and I think it saved you too. That’s why I don’t think I could trust the running of it to anyone but you, you understand how important this place is”.

I squeezed Sonny’s hand, “I do Sonny, and I’m glad I can do this for you. Glad we can, Cas and I” I amended

Sonny leaned back in his chair and looked at me not unlike the way he looked at the 15-year-old Dean (cocky as all hell) Winchester, “I have to say, I was surprised it was Cas you brought with you and not Sam. But I’m glad you did. He has a quiet way about him, but knows how to cut though all the bullshit, you know”.

I laughed at that “Sonny, you have no idea”.

“Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned there” he said staring at me with those all-knowing eyes I remembered from my youth.

I swallowed hard “What do you mean?”

“Just that shit we think is important, who we are or supposed to be, doesn’t really matter. All that matters, we allow ourselves to be who we want to be, allow ourselves to be happy”.

Sonny’s words cut right to the heart of things for me. It also reminded me of a certain conversation with Sam a few nights before we left the bunker.

**FOUR DAYS AGO**

Ending the call with Sheriff Winters of Idaho Springs after informing him that Special Agent Willis, AKA Claire Novak was indeed one of our up-and-coming agents, I sat back and looked around the library. The changes were subtle, but it had a more organised look to it.

Eileen and Cas had headed into Lebanon to do a beer run. I smiled wondering what Cas would come home with this time.

After settling it with Sonny, that Cas would be coming with me, I explained to Cas about running the home, showing him the emails with all the information that Sonny had sent me. Cas went into deep research mode. Looking up ways of making kids feel at ease, parenting tips, even some cooking skills.

But the biggest change was about a week after he was back. Eileen and Cas had gone off on some vague shopping trip. Sam and I hadn’t thought much about it until they came back. We were sitting at the map table drinking beers when they arrived home and I glanced up to say hello and found myself doing a double take. Cas and Eileen walked down the steps with smirks on their faces with Eileen finally saying “What do you think?

What we thought was “What the hell happened to Cas?”

He was wearing light blue jeans, black t-shirt and a light blue denim jacket which I so didn’t notice made his eyes even bluer.

Sam blurted out “Cas did you get a haircut?”

I hadn’t even noticed the haircut; I was so shocked at the clothes. When Cas worked at the Gas n Sip, his clothes reflected his dorkiness, but I could see Eileen’s influence in his choices here.

“I did Sam, what an amazing experience. I especially like the head massage they give you” Cas said.

Eileen looked pleased as punch as Sam said, “Head massage?”

“Oh yes Sam. Apparently, it’s all part of the hair cutting experience. I look forward to my next visit. So, what do you think?” he asks us with his hands spread wide.

“Wow you look good, Cas” Sam said “Different, but I like it, but why the change?”.

“Well, I’m human now, so I will need the change of clothes, but I also want the boys in our charge to be comfortable with me. If I dress more like them, I think it will put them at ease more, or at least that is what my research told me”.

“Of course, Cas. Great idea and I think you managed it” Sam said smiling at him.

Cas then turned his gaze onto me and said, “What do you think Dean?”, but all I could do was nod like an idiot and mutter “Good”.

I was smiling remembering that day when Sam walked into the room while finishing up a call. He ended it and sat down beside me.

“Phones busy?” he asked.

I shrugged, “Few calls, nothing major, you?” pointing to the phone in his hand.

“That was Bobby checking in” Sam replied, “He’s hunting a nest of vampires. He has a couple of people with him, he’s good”.

He looked around and asked, “Eileen and Cas back yet?”

I shook my head, “Nah, not yet, but they said they would bring dinner with them”.

“Oh, thank god, I’m starving” Sam replied.

I saw Sam glance at me, rub the back of his neck, blew out a breath, looked at me again and then decided to think better of it.

Sam couldn’t be more transparent if he tried, “Sam, for the love of Jack, spit it out? What’s on your mind?” I asked him.

Sam stared again for a couple of moments before he said “Cas”.

I looked at him wondering what was wrong, “Cas, he’s ok, isn’t he?”

Sam seemed to come to some decision and said, “Shit, Dean I don’t know if I should even say this but dammit………….. look Cas has been human a few times or close to human as he could get, but this time, he’s fully human you know, he can never be an angel again”.

I grimaced at the reminder but answered him, “I know that Sam, Cas explained it to all of us, but it was his choice, he chose to be here with us”.

Sam gave me his “don’t act stupid” look saying, “Dean I think he chose to be here with you. And now having the full enchilada of feelings at his disposal, well the last few weeks having him here, watching him act around you, well I think……………. I think Cas is in love with you”.

I stared at Sam unblinking. I couldn’t deny it even if I wanted to.

It was like now that Cas had told me his feelings, he didn’t care who saw them. He wore them like a badge of honour, but he never did anything to make me uncomfortable, in fact the few times I had caught him staring at me with a small smile on his face, instead of making me feel uncomfortable, it had made me feel warm inside. And that only managed to confuse the hell out of me.

Sam eyes widened as he watched me, “You know………. How…………..wait are ye already together. Your together and you didn’t tell me, dammit Dean”.

“What, what, no Sammy no, we’re not together, but yes I know, he told me” I said trying to calm down 6 foot 4 inches of sasquatch.

Sam mouth opened in awe “When did he tell you?”

I hesitated, but then I found myself finally telling Sammy the full story of what happened in the dungeon that horrific last day, of Cas’s declaration and his sacrifice.

Sammy’s stunned face when I finished was, I’m sure mirrored in mine.

“No wonder he was so upset when he found out you were leaving” Sam said “But Dean, do you really think it’s fair to him going with you when you can’t return his feelings. Maybe him staying here and giving him a chance to, you know get over you, might be the right thing to do”.

I looked at Sam and everything in me balked at his suggestion.

Of course, Sammy was right, it would be the right thing to do by Cas, but what if…………….

“Or do you??

I looked at Sammy “What?”

Sam arched his eyebrows at me, “Do you return his feelings Dean, you know it wouldn’t bother me if you did, as long as you were happy”.

The question threw me a little bit because for the first time I think I answered honestly about my feelings for Cas, “I don’t know”.

“Then may I make a suggestion. You and Cas will be living together for the next six months, working side by side. No monsters, no apocalypses. Take that time to see how you really feel and if you can’t return his feelings then, you’ll know what to do, and if you do return his feelings well then, I’m sure you know what to do there as well “Sammy said with a smirk on his face.

He was saved from a punch to the face, by the bunker door opening and Eileen calling “We’re back”.

Sam jumped up, the sappy fecker and I followed. Cas beamed down at me from the top of the stairs, “Dean, Sam, look what I found in the thrift shop. People give away the most amazing stuff”.

On Cas’s head was a bright pink beany that had no right looking that nice on a 6-foot former angel of the Lord.

Sam was sniggering behind his hand but all I could say was “Oh boy”.

**SONNY’S HOME FOR WAYWARD BOYS**

The rest of the evening passed without incident. Sonny went to take a rest and I spent some time with the other boys. Asking them of their likes and dislikes, I found all three of them really liked classic rock music. I told them we would get along just fine.

Cas and Jimmy came in when it started getting dark, both of them muddy and sweaty from their afternoon of digging. They went to shower, and when Rose announced that dinner would be on the table in 15 minutes, I chased the boys to wash up, before washing up myself. Dinner was a lively affair, it was Sonny’s last night, and he did his best to keep everyone’s spirits up, though Rose was a little bit teary eyed and tried to hide it.

Climbing into bed that night, Cas was already asleep and snoring softly after his afternoon of hard work. With Miracle at my feet, I lay on my side watching him until my eyes grew heavy and I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

The next morning after breakfast we all stood in the front yard, Miracle included, to say goodbye to Sonny. He had said his goodbyes to Rose in the kitchen beforehand, and she now stood on the porch just watching.

Sonny turned his attention to the four boys.

“You be good for Dean, Cas and Rose you hear, but more importantly, you be good to yourselves. Now I know this is a big change, especially for you Jimmy but I wouldn’t have Dean and Cas here if I didn’t trust them. But even so, I’ll be giving each of you my phone number so you can call any time ok. If I don’t answer, leave a message and I’ll call back”.

He places a hand on each of their shoulders but when he came to Jimmy, he pulls him in for a hug. He whispered into his ear “I can’t wait to see your garden. It should be in full bloom by the time I get back”.

Jimmy nods his head but doesn’t say anything and Sonny breaks the embrace.

Shaking Cas’s hands, Sonny thanks him again and then pulls me in for a hug.

“Thanks D-Dawg”.

I growled into his shoulder, “You need anything, you pick up the phone you hear, other than that your only job is to get better, no worrying about this place, Cas and I, we’ve got this”.

“I know that Dean” Sonny said as he squeezed me tight before pulling away. He bent down to blow kisses at Miracle before climbing into his car. With a beep of the horn and a wave, Sonny was gone.

Rose called the boys in to help with the housework.

I watched until the car was out of sight, then I turned to face the house.

This was it. Cas and I were on our own with four small charges to care for. All of a sudden, a nest of vampires didn’t sound too bad.

Emotional problems were not exactly my forte, what had I been thinking.

A warm hand squeezed my shoulder. A hand that calmed and centred me.

“Are you alright Dean?”

I looked at the hand on my shoulder and followed the arm to the face of its owner.

Smiling at Cas I said, “I am now”.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Six Months at Sonny's Part 2

**Six Months at Sonny’s Part 2**

**Everything you’ve ever done, the good and the bad, you’ve done for love, you raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love, that is who you are**

Cas and I walked back into the house after we waved Sonny off to his sisters. Today being a Monday meant we had a visit scheduled from a Social Worker that day. Sonny told us the times could vary especially if they have an emergency, but it’s usually the afternoons that they stop by.

We helped the boys with their chores before we left them to do their schoolwork, telling them if they had any problems, they could find us in the office.

Before we left the bunker Sam had drawn up papers and fake employment histories to show that Cas and I were qualified and experienced guardians. Now we just had to act the part.

Sitting opposite Cas in Sonny’s office, I explained to him that Social Workers were trained to sniff out bullshit.

Scrubbing my face with two hands, I leaned forward in the chair, “Cas, all they listen to all day is parents trying to bullshit their way out of why Jonny is sporting another black eye or a broken wrist, or why the kid looks like he hasn’t eaten in a month. We need to come across confident and prepared. We can’t give them a reason to doubt us or we’re done”

Cas nodded his head earnestly, “I understand Dean. I won’t let you down”

I reached across and put my hand on Cas’s shoulder, “Hey, I wasn’t just talking about you, you know. I have to, as well. I have to admit, I’m pretty nervous. What I wouldn’t give for a rugaru right about now” I said laughing ruefully.

Cas’s face softened into a smile, “Only because that’s familiar and you know how to handle it. But Dean, you can do anything you put your mind to. And don’t forget I’ve seen how you handle victims of the Supernatural, kids and adults alike. You have already the skills to draw on here. I don’t doubt you for a minute”

The open look on Cas’s face along with his words left me feeling warm and jittery. I still wasn’t used to accepting praise easily but the sincerity in the words he spoke, left me feeling like I could conquer anything.

Smiling at him I murmured, “Thanks Cas”

The seconds ticked by and I was aware that Cas and I were still staring at each other. Not that, that was unusual. For years Sammy had given me grief over our eyeballing each other.

But the reason I couldn’t look away this time was because everything he felt for me was written all over his face. It was pure love. It was heady and addictive and I still wasn’t sure I deserved it, but I wanted to stay right there and bask in it.

“Dean, Cas can I come in?”

We both stood abruptly, my head swimming from the suddenness of it.

Smiling sheepishly at Cas I said, “Yes, yes come in?”

Keith opened the door and peeked up at us with his wide surprised eyes. His red hair was sticking out in several directions and I vaguely thought maybe I should have helped him brush it.

Speaking so quietly I could barely hear him he said, “I’m sorry, but I’m having a problem with the maths questions. Can you help me with it? Nicholas usually helps but he’s busy with his own homework”

Keith was barely looking at us while he asked the question, but he peered up at me now. The look he gave me made me pause. It was like he was waiting for me to yell at him for disturbing us.

Closing my eyes briefly, I swore then on the fiery pits of Hell that I would succeed here, and my first job was to chase that look off his face.

I smiled down at him and said “Maths may not be my forte, but I think I still know how to add and subtract. How about we find out”

The small smile he sent my way was better than defeating any rugaru.

Cas came up beside me smiling down at Keith “I’d better come along in case he adds all the figures together and we find out later he should have multiplied them”

Keith gave a little giggle and I was never prouder of my best friend than I was at that moment.

Watching Cas walk out of the room with Keith, I mulled over the last few minutes and I knew I had a lot to think about, like Sam had told me to do.

But that was even scarier to face than vampires and werewolves and even small red headed children.

Blowing out a breath, I followed them and hoped I could at least solve a math problem.

………………………………………………………………

We were a happy group descending on Rose for our lunch with me feeling kind of proud of myself that I was able to help somewhat with math homework,

Rose informed Cas and I, that the Social Worker, a Ms Mason would be arriving around three that afternoon.

“That’s good, that gives us time to get some work done on the garden before she gets here” Cas announced “You ready Jimmy”

“Yes sir. Ah the other boys were asking if they could help as well” he said looking up at Cas.

Cas’s smile at the boys was a thing of beauty, “Absolutely, there is enough work for everyone. And Jimmy, my name is Cas, not sir”.

Jimmy eyes widened a bit and then he gave a stiff nod.

When the boys finished cleaning up after lunch, they headed out to get the gardening tools out of the shed, with Miracle trotting after them.

“Traitor” I called after her and Rose laughed.

I had barely seen Miracle in the last couple of days. Between the boys and the wide-open spaces to run around in, she only showed up when she was hungry and to sleep on my bed. Not that I blamed the dog, an underground bunker was no substitute for wide open fields where she can chase bees, birds and the occasional hare.

Cas stood to pass me on his way out. Putting his hand on my shoulder he looked down at me and said, “Call me when the Social Worker gets here”

I nodded my head in agreement and watched him leave. I looked over at Rose and I swear I could see her hiding a smirk behind her coffee mug. I took the high road and ignored it.

Watching her now as she finished her coffee, I asked her, “Do you live out this way or do you live in the town?”

She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table, “I’m about two miles north of here. Its small but it suits me and Jackie. That’s my better half. She’s a nurse in the hospital in town. It was through Jackie that I met Sonny and started helping out here”.

I nodded my head while listening to her before it penetrated my brain, “Hold on, her name is Jackie. Rose and Jack”

Rose blushed prettily and I had to ask, “Please tell me you’ve chartered a boat just to Titanic that shit”.

Rose burst out laughing, “Jackie will love you. She’s the romantic in this relationship”.

I grinned at her, “Really, then I can’t wait to meet her, and Cas would love it as well. We have to arrange dinner here some night”.

Rose eyebrows journeyed upwards and I knew I had stepped in it, “Oh so like a double date?”

Rolling my eyes to cover my embarrassment I leaned across the table towards her, “He is my best friend Rose. That’s it”

Giving me a fake innocent look she replied, “I don’t think Cas got that memo” and what could I say to that.

An hour later found me in the office going over the forms that Sonny had shown us. I wanted to be as familiar as I could in case another boy was sent to us, which was a real possibility. The farm could take up to six boys comfortably and we had only four at the moment.

When I checked the time again and saw it was quarter after two, I decided to give the house a quick onceover just to make sure everything was as it should be. No need to give the nice Social Worker any ammunition to use as an excuse to sniff around.

I was making my way back down from upstairs when I heard a car pull up out front. Rose came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel.

Looking at her, I took a deep breath and said “Here goes nothing”

“Good luck” Rose said quietly.

I walked out onto the porch and descended the steps to greet Ms Mason.

She was pulling a pile of files from the back seat of a blue four door saloon. I have to admit she looked like a typical social worker. She was wearing grey slacks, sensible black shoes, white blouse covered by a grey jacket. Her hair was brown, but it was wild and bushy as if she was constantly pulling at it.

The job she did, she probably was.

She had a plain face and she wore no makeup, but the smile she turned on me, immediately transformed her face to pretty.

On reaching her, I held out my hand which she shook my hand with an iron grip, the files in her other hand in danger of slipping, “One of the Mr Winchester’s I take it”

“Yes, Dean Winchester. It’s nice to meet you” I answered her, “Please let me help you there” and I relieved her of the files.

Releasing my hand, she said, “You too, you too. And thank you. Sonny told me about you helping him out. I was very pleased to hear it. There aren’t many places like Sonny’s left I’m afraid. I would have hated to lose it”

I nodded at her, pleased to hear what she said but I still didn’t want to leave my guard down around her.

She turned to close the car door before turning back to me, “So, how are the boys, any problems so far?”

Juggling the files in my arms I answered her, “Ah no, no. All good. They are all out back with Cas organising the vegetable garden”.

Her face lit up as she said “A what, vegetables you say, why that sounds like a wonderful idea. I’d love to see it”

Startled by her enthusiasm I said, “What! Oh yes, yes of course, follow me” and I started around the side of the house to find the boys and Cas, hard at work.

The had already dug out the bed for planting. Now they were tunnelling troughs parallel to each other and Jimmy seemed to be taking his job of making sure they weren’t too close together very seriously.

I called to get their attention, “Hey everyone, we have a visitor”

Five heads swung in our direction with Cas jumping to his feet to make his way over to us wiping his hands on a rag.

The boys all mumbled a “Hi Ms Mason” telling me that they had already met her.

“Cas, this is Ms Mason. Ms Mason, this is Cas Winchester” I said introducing them.

Cas was doing his best to wipe his hands as he said, “I’m sorry Ms Mason. I can’t shake your hand at the moment. Please let me escort you into the house and I can wash my hands and we can have our meeting”.

Rose came out onto the back porch and said to us, “I’ll keep an eye on the boys. You go ahead”

Thanking Rose, Cas and I escorted Ms Mason into the house. Cas stopped in the kitchen to wash his hands and I led her to the office.

Entering the office, Ms Mason sat herself down on one of the chairs and patted her hair absently as I asked, “Can I get you some tea or coffee, or maybe something cold to drink” I asked.

Ms Mason looking quite distracted said “Oh no, I’m fine, thank you”.

I felt a bit of panic thinking she had seen something she didn’t like, “Are you ok? Is something wrong?” I asked her.

She was looking over my shoulder towards the door, but my question brought her attention back to me “Oh no everything is fine”

Cas walked in the door and Ms Mason repeated, sounding a bit breathless “Everything’s just fine”

Cas held out his hand, “Ms Mason its lovely to meet you, Cas Winchester”.

She reached out her hand to take Cas’s hand and there was no mistaking what the smile on her face meant.

The woman was totally and utterly smitten. Before my eyes she transformed from the harassed looking, plain faced woman to a dewy eyed pretty looking woman.

Cas was barely in Hurleyville three days and he already had three women and one man falling for him.

A voice at the back of his mind smirked “You have competition Winchester. A lot of competition” which I dutifully ignored.

But when I looked at Cas, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights by the attention, so I took pity on him. I cleared my throat and loudly announced “So shall we get started”

Ms Mason jumped slightly, and reluctantly left Cas’s hand go. “Of course, of course, let’s go through your credentials first and then I can meet the boys, one by one”

The next hour was painful.

Ms Mason was unbelievably thorough. She went through our credentials so painstakingly; she’d put any law enforcement officer to shame. I couldn’t fault her for that, with the job she did but I was glad to see that Sam’s ID’s and background checks passed her inspection without incident.

After that her sole attention was on Cas.

He seemed to be bewildered by the attention she fawned on him, but he managed to hold his own. He eventually reminded her that he needed to get back to the boys and that she also had to meet with each of them.

“Oh, my goodness you’re right. My apologies. It’s just I have so enjoyed my visit with you both immensely” she gushed.

“With you both”, was as far as I was concerned, a bare faced lie, her adoration for Cas all over her face, but I plastered on my best smile as I said, “Well that is so kind of you to say, Ms Mason”, jumping up and pushing Cas gently towards the door.

Turning back to her I asked, “So, which one of the boys would you like for me to send into you first?”

For a minute she looked a bit confused before opening a file “Um, Joseph, yes, can you send him in first. Thank you so much”

“No thank you” we both said, before we both fled.

We hurried to the kitchen, closing the door behind us.

Cas and I looked at each other in disbelief before I burst out laughing. Catching Cas’s bemused look along with his classic head tilt, only made me worse. When I finally could catch my breath, I collapsed into a chair and told him “You are a goddamn menace to the good people of Hurleyville”.

Cas blushed endearingly before he escaped out the back door.

By the time, the interviews with the boys were done it was nearly dinner time. Nicholas was the last in with her and he came out looking very subdued.

I looked at Ms Mason questionably as she followed Nicholas out, but she pointed out the front door to her car, indicating we would talk there.

I put my hand on Nicholas’s shoulder as he passed me and told him to wash up for dinner. He nodded his head then turned to climb the stairs; shoulders slumped.

Following Ms Mason out to her car, I asked her what happened.

She sighed “He wants to know when he can go home”.

I raised my eyebrows at that.

Ms Mason shrugged her shoulders, “His story is a sad one but one that happens too often. He comes from a loving home, but when his father died, his mother realised he had left a lot of debt. For a while, she tried to pay back what she could, but then she lost her job, then her house, eventually she started drinking to get through the day. Just too many hits to take, I’m afraid. And it’s the Nicholas’s of the world that have to suffer. She loves her son, but she just isn’t capable at the moment”.

I nodded my head. It was amazing how similar his story was to my own. A parent left overwhelmed after the death of a spouse and turning to drink and in my case, hunting to cope. From the age of four, more often than not I was left in a crappy motel room, left to raise an infant child. Looking back, I don’t know how I managed.

Ms Mason then gave me a slight smile and held her hand out. I shook it absently and she said “I’ll see you Friday. Tell the other Mr Winchester I said goodbye”.

My mind, full of memories of the past mumbled, “I will. See you Friday” watching as she climbed into the car and drove away.

Making my way back inside, I met Cas coming in from the kitchen. He looked at me and asked, “What’s wrong?”

I nodded my head towards the office and once inside I explained what Ms Mason had said about Nicholas’s situation.

Leaning against the desk, just telling Cas left me drained.

All I could see in my mind was Sam, when he was Nicholas’s age, just wanting to spend time with Dad, but he was never around.

I was lost in the memory when I felt Cas pulling me against him.

Before I knew it, my face was buried in Cas’s shoulder.

I was so surprised; I automatically returned the embrace. It took me a minute before I asked, “What brought this on?”

“The look on your face, Dean” Cas answered with his deep growl. “You looked like you needed it”.

And I did.

I held on for another minute until I started becoming hyper aware of the heat coming from Cas, his scent which smelled like earth and fresh air, his hand clasped at the back of my neck against my skin, and the feeling of his chest pressed against mine. I could feel the subtle shift in the air between us and I felt the urge to turn my head towards his neck and press my lips there.

Dammit, I had to start facing this sooner or later, but I just couldn’t right now.

Instead, I murmured into his shoulder, “We better get in for our dinner, before Rose gives it to Miracle”.

Cas snorted and released me with a smile, but I caught him by the arm before he moved away and said, “Thanks Cas, I needed that”.

Cas smiled and nodded, “Anytime Dean”

After dinner, the boys retired to the TV room to watch some Netflix, but I saw Nicholas hovering around an old chess board that was set up next to the bay window.

Making my way over to him I asked, “Do you play?”

He looked up at me and nodded. “I learned in school, I’m not really very good at it though”

I smiled thinking of the chess board in the bunker. “I only learned myself in the last few years. My brother Sam taught me. I’m not very good either but I’d be up for a game if you are”

The silence was such that I thought he was going to say no but he nodded his head just a tiny bit.

The next hour passed quietly. I didn’t speak much and neither did he. Sometimes you didn’t want to talk, but it was enough that there was someone there if you needed to.

I understood that.

Glancing up at one stage I caught Cas staring at me over the book he was reading in the corner of the room. He smiled and blushed slightly when I caught his eye, but I only saw approval there. It pleased me more than I can say.

Getting ready for bed later, I was exhausted after our first full day as guardians at Sonny’s farm. Not just weary in body but in soul as well. I already had so much in common with the boys here that I had spent a lot of the day remembering my own childhood.

More today than I had in years and it had left me drained.

Cas and I didn’t speak much before bed and when I got in under the covers, I mumbled “Night Cas”

I waited until I heard Cas reply “Goodnight Dean” before closing my eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………..

“Dean, Dean wake up. Dean, I got you, you have to wake up”

I was underwater. The water was pressing me down, drowning me. I could see Sam way up above the water screaming for me. I had to get to him, I had to.

He was my responsibility. If I didn’t look after him, who would?

Who would?

I was all he had. He was all I had.

Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I couldn’t breathe. I was falling deeper.

“DEAN”

I woke up gasping. I flipped the weight pressing me down until I had it pressed against the soft surface.

“Dean stop it’s me. Its Cas” I heard whispered softly.

I was so confused. My vision was blurry, my breathing was erratic, “Cas” I croaked

My vision cleared and I watched as Cas’s hands reached up to cup my face. “Dean it’s me. You were having a nightmare. I was trying to wake you. I’m sorry”

My eyes finally adjusted until I recognized the blue eyes staring up at me.

Cas stared up at me with anxious eyes.

I held onto those familiar blue eyes.

Held onto them until I got my breathing until control.

Held onto them until I realised the intimacy of our situation.

Cas and I both slept in our boxers and t-shirts as the attic was warm at this time of year. I could feel Cas’s bare legs against mine as I kneeled over him, my hands still pressed against his shoulders, his hands still cupping my face.

That my first instinct was to fall more into his embrace didn’t even surprise me anymore, to find comfort in his arms, but before I ever did that, I had to make sure 110% that it was what I really wanted and not just because he was there.

Because this was Cas, my best friend, there could be no half measures.

Instead, I fell back over onto my back, releasing us both.

I huffed out a breath, “I’m sorry Cas. Dammit”

Cas hadn’t moved. He turned his head to look at me and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shrugged, scrubbing my hand across my forehead, “It’s a recurring nightmare from my childhood. I haven’t had in years. I was drowning, and I couldn’t reach Sam. No prizes as to why I had it tonight”

In the silence that followed I could practically hear Cas thinking.

He eventually said “Yes, I understand. I found it hard to read the boys files as well. And to hear Nicholas’s story tonight. So much hurt and pain. But I try to just deal with the person in front of me and follow their lead. At least that’s what my research tells me”

“Does that really help” I asked

Cas laughed softly in the dark “As I said, “I try”.

It was Cas doing his standard quotation marks that had me laughing softly.

Leave it to Cas to chase the nightmare away completely with his dorkiness.

Smiling over at him I said, “Thanks Cas”.

Cas returned the smile, “Your welcome Dean. Do you want me to stay?”

Looking at him, his blue eyes shining in the moonlight that was streaming in the window, I saw no ulterior motive but to bring me comfort, but until I was sure, I couldn’t do that to him.

“No, I’m fine, but thanks Cas”.

“Anytime Dean and goodnight” and he got up off my bed and climbed into his own.

I lay there for a long while thinking about Cas before I fell asleep again and this time I didn’t dream.

The next day went much like yesterday. Cas was already up and gone when I woke. We followed the same routine, housework, homework, gardening and me in the office going through the files, looking at Sonny’s notes on previous boys that had come through his doors. Any information or insights on how to help the boys we had now, was a bonus but it was hard reading at times.

The sound of a car pulling up, broke my concentration. I didn’t think we were expecting someone, until a vague recollection came back to me that this was the day Robin came to give guitar lessons.

I found I was excited to see her again, especially after the events of the last time I was here and her acceptance of my apology for what happened when we were kids. I went out onto the porch to greet her. She was pulling a guitar case from the back seat of her car, when she looked up and saw me.

“So, it is true. Dean Winchester in the flesh. I wasn’t sure if Sonny was pulling my leg or what” she said with a half-smile on her face.

She was just as pretty as I remembered. Her brown hair was tied in a ponytail. She was wearing a white peasant blouse with blue jeans and white sandals. Robin was the same age as me, but she didn’t look it. She looked young and fresh and it was great to see her again.

I walked down to meet her and gave her a hug. “Hey Robin, it’s good to see you”

Returning the hug, she said, “You too Dean”

She looked at me sideways and said “If you’re here does that mean that they’re no more ghosts and goblins in the world to kill”

I laughed and said “Unfortunately no, but don’t worry, my brother is still fighting the good fight. I just thought I was needed here”

At that, her face fell a bit, “Have you heard from Sonny?”

I blew out a breath, “Yeah, he called yesterday to tell Rose he arrived at his sisters safely. I’m sure once he starts treatment, he’ll have his hands full. That’s why I’m determined that the running of this place goes smoothly. I don’t want him to worry about anything but getting better”

Robin stood with her hands on her hips grinning up at me, “Well if I know you, Dean Winchester and I think I may a small bit, is that you will give it your all and you will succeed”

“Hell, with praise like that, how can I not” I responded laughing and we continued up into the house still laughing and chatting away.

Walking into the house, I was surprised to see Cas standing there, wiping his hands on a towel. He had a strange expression on his face when he looked at me, but he then turned to look at Robin and greeted her with a smile.

“Hello, I’m Cas” he said holding out his hand to shake hers. Turning to me he said “I heard a car pulling up, so I came to investigate”

Robin stepped forward with a smile on her face, “I’m Robin. I run a restaurant in town and I also give guitar lessons whenever the boys are interested. Today I’m here for Jimmy and Joseph if they’re around”

Cas replied, “Yes, they are out back. So, you look like you know each other”

Surprised at the question, I realised too late that the last time I was here, was after I had kicked him out of the bunker years before. Dammit.

Even though I had told Cas about being here as a teenager, I never really told Cas the full story of our hunt here or my history with Robin.

Clearing my throat, I said “Yeah, Robin and I caught up with each other the last time I was here with Sam. We knew each other as teenagers”

Robin pierced me with a mock glare and said, “Yes yes, Dean was funny and charming and swore he would never leave me and then he ran off, on prom night if you can believe it”

I could feel myself blushing to the roots of my hair and I stuttered “I believe I explained why, the last time I was here. I had a good excuse you know”

Robin replied laughing “I know, I know, I’m just teasing” and she nudged her elbow into my side.

Cas did the head tilt asking, “Prom night???”

Robin looked at him curiously “You know, Prom, school dance, it’s kind of a big deal when you’re a teenager”

Cas nodded his head slowly, “Oh right. So, you must have been very important to each other then?”

Robin clasped her hands in front of her chest dramatically and gushed, “Are you kidding? It was like the end of the world when Dean left. I thought I’d never get over him”

I laughed self-consciously at her antics, but Cas’s face gave me pause. For a second he looked …………………..devastated, was the only word I could think of but he schooled his features into some semblance of a smile and said “Well I hope your heart didn’t hurt for long. I know it’s not pleasant”

My breath caught in my throat at that.

Stepping back, he said, “I’ll send the boys in to you after they wash up. It was lovely to meet you Robin”

Robin smiled at Cas and watched him walk away.

“He’s nice” she said to me.

Staring after him I said “Yeah. He’s one of the best people I know and he’s my best friend. I’m lucky to have him here with me, to help with this”

Robin gave me a saucy wink and grinned “Now I know what Shelley at the gardening centre was on about. He really is very easy on the eye”

I groaned “Not you too” and she turned into the TV room laughing.

……………………………………………………………………

When the twanging of guitar strings and the butchering of Sweet Home Alabama (Gary Rossington has nothing to worry about), not to mention the piles of depressing files I went through, got to be too much for me, I left the office and made my way back out to the garden.

Stepping down from the porch, I laughed when I saw Cas and Keith, “Cas, maybe your skin can take it, but Keith is looking decidedly rosy in the cheeks and nose”.

Nicholas whose dark skin can take a bit of sun, giggled when he looked at Keith. “You look like Rudolf”

Cas stood up and said “I’m sorry Keith, I should have realised. It has gotten very warm. I think we have enough done for today anyway”

At the boys groan I said “Plenty still left to be done, but tomorrow, no coming out without sunscreen, and a hat wouldn’t go astray either. That goes for you too, Nicholas”

“But I never burn” he protested

I grinned at him, “You still need to look after your skin. Don’t you want to be as pretty as Cas when you’re our age?”

I could see Cas glaring at me, and I turned to grin and wink at him.

The boys ran into the house laughing, but Cas made no effort to follow. Instead he started tidying up the gardening equipment and I went to give him a hand. We didn’t speak on our trips to and from the barn.

When we had the last of the equipment put away, I was walking back out of the barn when Cas spoke “Robin seems nice. Maybe you might be able to spend some time with her, you know, while you’re here”

I looked at him startled. Cas was wiping the dirt off of one of the shovels with intense care, “Ah Cas, that’s nice of you and all, but I’m here to work, not to have a good time”.

Cas glanced up at me, “No reason why you can’t do both. I could mind the boys if you wanted to go out. I’m sure Sonny didn’t live like a hermit.

I looked at him curiously and said “I’m sure that’s true, but Cas I’m ok”

“But Dean” Cas began again

Feeling a frustration, I didn’t recognize rising up in me I said “Cas, I’m not interested ok. I just want to help the boys and spend time with you”

Cas stared at me in surprise.

I blew out a breath, and walked back towards Cas, taking the shovel out of his hand I said, “Cas, you were gone for nearly four months man. I thought you were lost forever. I thought …………………. I thought I would never see you again.

So, if you don’t mind, can I just spend some time with my best friend, if you can stand it”.

Cas broke out that smile.

The smile that took my breath away as he told me he loved me.

The smile I first saw that horrible last day, the one that started me questioning everything.

And I knew there and then I was done running from my feelings.

It was time to start examining them squarely in the face and finally make a decision.

It might also have to do with the fact that a line of admirers both female and male were lining up after Cas.

If I wasn’t careful, by the time I made a decision, Cas could be whisked off by someone else.

On that silent note I patted him on the back and said “As for Robin, well you can add her to your long list of admirers” and enjoyed watching his mouth fall open as I turned and left the barn.

The rest of the week fell into a pattern of chickens, housework, homework and gardening. Cas was even trying to think up new ideas for the boys once they had everything planted.

I was still going through Sonny’s files, Robin came back on Thursday for another lesson with Jimmy and Joseph and Ms Mason called again today but her visit today was a shorter one, much to Cas’s relief.

But I still teased him mercifully about his growing fan club. When he complained, I pinched his cheek and told him, “That is just one of the perks of a best friend”

On Friday evening, just after dinner, I was making my way to the sitting room when my phone rang. It was Sam. Changing course, I walked out onto the porch at the front of the house and sat down on the porch swing.

I answered the phone with a “Hey Sammy”.

We had been texting back and forth, but this was the first time we had actually spoken all week.

Sam replied, “Hey Dean, so, you are still alive. How was your first week?”

Laughing an apology, I said, “Sorry, sorry, but it was good, really good. Cas’s garden is all planted, kids are still alive, the chickens are still alive, Miracle only loves me when it’s time for bed, and Cas hasn’t run screaming for the hills yet, so I’m taking it all as a win”

Sam snorted down the phone to me, “That’s good to hear.

“And you, how are you getting on, how’s Eileen” I asked

I could practically hear Sam beaming down the phone at me, the sap, “She’s great, we both are. We have a few hunters staying with us tonight and they seem to be impressed by what they’ve seen so far, so that’s good. How’s Cas settling in?”

I smiled answering him, ok so I’m a sap as well, “Cas is great, the kids love him, he’s a bloody natural”

Sam paused before saying “And speaking of Cas…………..”

“Yeah what about him?” I asked knowing full well what he was asking.

“Dean” Sammy said with a long-suffering sigh, “You can’t run away from this”

Fighting against the intense anxiety building up inside me whenever I had to talk about my feelings, I answered Sam, “I’m not, I swear, I have been thinking about it……………. it’s just, its Cas you know. He’s my best friend and he’s……………. he’s……….”

“A man” Sammy replied helpfully.

And there was the crunch of it all.

“Yeah, that” I replied.

There was silence on Sammy’s side, but I could practically hear the wheels turning in his head.

I heard Sammy blowing out a breath, “Ok” he finally says, “Have you ever thought about what it would be like with Cas, physically I mean?”

“Sam” I warned

Sam snorted down the phone to me, “No, I’m not asking you to tell me, I’m just asking you, when you think about being with Cas, how does it make you feel. If the thought repulses you, then I think that makes it pretty clear. But if it doesn’t then…………….” Sam trailed off

My breath caught in my throat as the porch door opens and Cas is standing there, holding up a bottle of beer to me. I stare at him for a moment wondering how much he might have overheard but there is no indication on his face that he did.

I did however have the answer to the question that Sam just asked.

I moved up on the swing and indicated with a nod for Cas to sit down. I watched as he walked towards me and my mouth went dry.

He was wearing a V-necked white t-shirt and faded blue jeans. His feet were bare, and his hair was messy.

But it was his eyes that floored me.

His skin was tanned from working outside all week which made his eyes even bluer. I couldn’t seem to look away.

I was aware that Cas hadn’t broken eye contact with me either, on the walk to the swing, handing me the beer and sitting down, we were still eye locked. I leaned back in the seat to look at him better and the tension crackling between us was such that neither of us could ignore it.

I was aware that Cas’s breathing was shallow, and it was only when his tongue darted out to lick his lips that I broke eye contact to trace its journey.

Two things happened at once. Cas’s eyes widened slightly, and Sam started roaring in my ear.

“Hello, hello Dean, you still there” Sam roared

I jumped slightly, feeling hot and flustered as fuck, and my pants was definitely a bit tight. So that answers Sam’s question. Yeah, I can so fucking imagine being with Cas.

“Sorry Sam” I said speaking into the phone. “Cas has joined me. Here, let me put you on speaker”

I pressed the speaker button and placed the phone on the seat between us.

“Oh, that’s great” Sam said “Hey Cas, how are you? Settling in ok up there?”

“Hello Sam” Cas answered, and it wasn’t my imagination that Cas’s voice sounded even deeper, the sound going straight to my crotch, I had to shift slightly.

After a couple of questions back and forth, Cas tells Sam all about the garden and what they planted and how the boys enjoyed working with their hands. He told him he was trying to come up with new ideas for the boys now.

Cas continued, “I was thinking about a book club, maybe do some hiking. There’s a wooded area behind the house that has some nice trails and Dean and I were going to continue Sonny’s idea of showing the boys some self-defence moves so they can protect themselves”

I was so impressed by Cas and his ideas and Sam was as well “That all sounds great. You really have put a lot of thought into this Cas. If I come up with any ideas maybe I could pass them onto you”

Cas answered him eagerly, “Sam that would be wonderful. Of course, I would love any ideas you can come up with”.

He sat forward towards the phone bringing him even closer to me and said “I miss you Sam. I miss you and Eileen very much”

There was silence for about half a minute. Cas was looking, first puzzled and then a bit hurt before Sam came on, clearing his throat and his voice sounded a bit shaky before he replied, “I miss you too Cas, both of you. The bunker isn’t the same without you two”.

Cas smiled softly at me at Sam’s words and I spoke up then “Well there’s nothing to stop you and Eileen coming down for a weekend. Hey, maybe the 4th of July. That will give us some time to settle in here. How about it? I know your busy getting the bunker up and running but…………….”

Sam sounded really excited as he answered, “Actually, Dean that sounds like a great plan? I’ll say it to Eileen, and I’ll organise cover here. I can’t wait”

I heard voices on Sam’s side of the phone. “Dammit I’m sorry Dean, Cas, somethings come up. I have to go. We’ll talk more over the weekend ok?”

Cas replied “Bye Sam. Say hello to Eileen for me”

“I will Cas” Sam replied

I growled into the phone, “Talk soon and mind yourself you hear. Both you and Eileen stay safe or I’ll kick both your asses”

Sam snorted again, “Yeah yeah, you can try. Talk soon. Bye Cas, bye Jerk”

I retorted “Bye Bitch”

Hanging up the phone, I took a breath as I felt the air crackling between us again.

I knew I had to confront what was going on, but I was completely tongue tied. I had no idea how to bring this up. No clue how to have this conversation with Cas.

But it was Cas that broke the silence, “Dean what’s…………….”

“Cas”

Christ, I thought. Interrupted again.

We both looked over towards the door, and there was Joseph peeking out with a big grin on his face.

Cas smiled back at Joseph saying, “Well that face can’t mean anything good. What happened?” and Joseph giggled.

“The TV is going a bit wobbly” Joseph answered.

Giving Joseph a mock glare he answered, “Wobbly TV’s. That’s definitely a job for Dean”.

Joseph giggled again and ran back inside. I looked at Cas and he returned my gaze, his eyes searching my face.

I huffed a laugh and stood up, “Those boys have impeccable timing, don’t they”

“Actually, I would say their timing is terrible” Cas answered.

Before I could second guess myself, I leaned over Cas, who stared wide eyed up at me with those beautiful blue eyes, and when I was a couple of inches from his face I said “That’s exactly what I mean”.

The rest of the evening once the TV was de-wobbled, was spent watching old re-runs of Stargate SG1 and Star Trek The Next Generation. There was something to be said for having the basic cable channels. It weeded out all the crap and left you with quality television.

Because it was Friday night, we left the boys stay up till ten and I told them I had a surprise for them the next day. They groaned when I wouldn’t tell them what it was and there was some good-natured joking between them as they climbed the stairs.

Cas looked at me curiously and I shook my head at him grinning. I laughed when he tilted his head at me looking confused.

All week, while Cas was involved with the boys through the vegetable garden, I had been stuck in the office, going through the files. Besides homework and a bit of telly in the evenings I didn’t get to spend much time with them. And if I wanted them to trust in me and maybe confide in me, I needed to change that.

After I checked on the boys to make sure they had washed up and were in bed, fielded more questions about the surprise tomorrow, I did my nightly check on the house. I checked that all doors and windows were locked, and I let Miracle out for one last run around. We were going to have a long day tomorrow, so I decided to turn in early. Making my way back to the TV room to find Cas, I found the TV and the lights off.

My stomach gave a lurch to know that Cas was already upstairs.

How do I broach this?

What do I say?

Or should I leave it till another time.

The questions were driving me crazy and made my hands shake.

I thought then, take it slow, maybe start with a bit of flirting, see how that feels.

There’s no need to have the big conversation when my feelings were so fricking new and unsure of. That decision seemed to settle my nerves.

I climbed the stairs to the attic, took a deep breath and went into our bedroom.

Miracle ran past me and jumped onto my bed.

Cas was already in his bed reading. He looked up at me as I came in and without preamble asked, “So what’s the surprise?”

I raised my eyebrows at him and said “You do know what a surprise is Cas, don’t you? You don’t find out the surprise until it’s time to reveal it”

Cas glared at me from the bed and I said “Your adorable when you pout, you know that?

He narrowed his eyes at that, but I just laughed and went into the bathroom to shower. Telling myself this was good, a good start with the flirting. Because this was Cas.

If something developed between us, it couldn’t be half assed.

It was all or nothing.

Because I was not losing my best friend because I changed my mind once it went too far with us.

Stripping down for my shower, I was hyper aware that despite the bathroom door between us, I was only a couple of feet away from Cas. I was already aroused after our encounter downstairs and I desperately wanted to jerk myself off, but I didn’t feel right doing it with Cas so close.

Sighing, I turned the temperature of the water down until it was as cold as I could stand it and washed myself quickly.

Maybe going slowly wasn’t the answer I thought ruefully, and then rebuked myself.

This was Cas. He was worth a little frustration.

I dried and dressed myself in boxers and a t-shirt and left the bathroom.

I could feel Cas’s eyes on me, as I readied myself for bed, but I pretended not to notice.

I climbed into bed and risked a look at Cas. He was still looking at me but with a hopeful pining look that nearly broke my resolve.

I laughed again “Oh god, your worse than the kids”

Cas tilted his head pouting endearingly, “I don’t think I like surprises”

I settled myself down in the bed, grinned and winked at him, and said “Cas I promise, you’ll like this one”

…………………………………………………………………

The next morning, I was up and dressed before Cas and the boys.

I met Rose in the kitchen. She was my co-conspirator in my surprise. She was going to do up a cooler with food and drinks for our lunch.

I grabbed a takeaway mug and filled it with coffee, telling Rose I would grab something to eat in Hurleyville.

I was out the door before Cas came downstairs. 

Two hours later I arrived back to the house, with the trunk of the Impala full of my purchases for our day ahead. It wasn’t even 10am yet. The early May sun was shining and judging from the heat already, it was going to be a scorcher of a day. Perfect.

I ran into the house, glancing into the sitting room on my way to the kitchen, when what I saw had me barking out a laugh. There sitting on the couch were the four boys waiting patiently and Cas sitting in the armchair.

Putting my hands on my hips I said, “Well you look like you’re ready. All your chores done?”.

Cas stood up with a serious expression and nodding to the boys behind their backs he said, “Yes, everything’s done. We were worried. We thought you weren’t coming back”.

Oh shit, I thought. These boys had probably never had one promise followed through on in their short brutal lives.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rose coming out of the kitchen with the cooler. I nodded my thanks at her and then I moved into the sitting room.

Looking down at the four boys I smiled at them “Sorry if I worried you but I had to pick up some things for our road trip”

Jimmy’s eyes widened “Road trip??”

Winking at him I said, “Yeah road trip. Well the surprise is at the end of our road trip. So, everyone last chance to use the bathroom, so get to it. You too Cas”

Cas smiled his crooked smile at me and disappeared upstairs.

I blew out my breath and turned to Rose “Well crap, that could have gone better. I didn’t realise they would take it I wasn’t coming back”

Rose smiled sympathetically at me, “Don’t worry about Dean. I assured them you were coming back but…………. Look enjoy your day. I’ll finish up here, and I’ll close up the house. I’ll leave dinner in the oven for you, so you don’t have to cook when you get home”

I leaned over and kissed Rose on the cheek, “You are the best, Rose, thanks”

Rose blushed prettily but she thumped me lightly on the arm saying “Save that sweetness for Cas”

I mock glared at her but knew I was blushing up a storm as she laughed at me.

The clatter of footsteps on the stairs announced the boys coming back downstairs, with Cas walking down behind them. I grabbed the cooler from Rose and walked out to the car and put it into the trunk.

The boys were waiting on the porch when I looked up.

Sighing with exasperation I said, “You can’t take a road trip from there. Get in, will you” as I opened the back door of the Impala.

The boys ran down laughing and jumped in. Moving around to the driver’s side, I whistled and moments later, Miracle came flying around from the back of the house and jumped into the front seat. Laughing, Cas climbed in after her.

I looked over at Cas and then turned back at the boys, “Everyone ready?”

A chorus of “Yes’s” were shouted back at me. I tooted the horn and we waved out the windows at Rose, as I drove out the drive and headed off.

The boys lasted all of five minutes before Joseph asked, “So, where are we going, Dean?”

I glanced over my shoulder at him grinning, “You’ll see” and I was rewarded with a giggle.

Cas growled at me, “Dean” and I have to admit I felt that growl to the tips of my toes.

I laughed at him over Miracle’s head, “Patience, Grasshopper” and he snorted.

Miracle, suddenly not happy to sit in the middle, climbed over Cas to stick her head out the open window.

“Miracle” Cas groaned, shifting uncomfortably.

I glanced over at Cas, “You ok”

Cas turned to me and half smiled, “Miracle’s paw just landed in a sensitive area”

I grimaced “Ouch. Here, scoot over” I grabbed Cas by the arm and pulled him towards me, so he was sitting in the middle of the seat, leaving Miracle to stick her head out the window.

Cas’s beaming smile nearly broke my concentration at driving, and I had to make a conscious effort to turn my eyes back to the road.

Our journey was only going to take an hour and we were halfway through it when Cas pointed out my window, “Dean, boys, look at that?”

That was a Fun Fair. I could see the roller coaster from here along with some other rides. It was in a field about half a mile away. It looked awesome.

Cas stretched his arm on the back of the seat behind me and leaned towards me to get a better look out the window, “Dean is that where we’re going?”

I looked in the back seat to the boys who looked excited, but I told them no, “Believe me guys, where we are going, it’s better”

At my reassuring look in the mirror, the boys seemed to relax.

“I wonder how long it’s going to be there for” Cas asked. I turned and Cas’s face was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek.

I inhaled sharply and quickly turned away again. Clearing my throat, I said, “We can look it up on the computer when we get home, ok” I said, glancing back at him and Cas smiled.

Cas leaned back again but left his arm where it was. I could feel his fingers graze my shoulder every now and then and I wondered if it was deliberate and I was kind of hoping it was.

We were about ten minutes from our destination when I smelled it. I looked at Cas out of the corner of my eye, but he was busy rubbing Miracles head, so I glanced into the rear-view mirror to look at the boys. It was Jimmy who perked up and I saw him looking my way.

“Something wrong Jimmy” I asked him innocently

He smiled a bit, meeting my gaze in the rear-view mirror, and I gave him a nod that meant, go ahead, ask me.

“Is that the beach, I smell?” Jimmy asked with hope in his voice and all the boys gasped. Even Cas looked hopeful.

I grinned and said “Ladies and gentlemen, next stop is Harbours Island Beach, for all your sand, sea and fun needs”

The cheers in the car were deafening with Miracle joining in for good measure.

As they quietened down, Joseph leaned up behind and said “Dean, I’ve never been to the beach before”. I glanced back at him in surprise and instead of his usual cheeky grin, I saw a small shy smile that brought a lump to my throat. As if that didn’t floor me enough, Keith piped up that he had never been to the beach before either.

I nodded my head to acknowledge him, but it was taking all my concentration to breathe past the lump in my throat. Cas’s arm came off the seat behind me, squeezing my shoulder. His touch as always centred and grounded me, and I drove on until we reached the beach and I parked in the car park across the road.

Back under control, I turned to the boys before they could jump out of the car.

“Ok a short serious talk first” and the boys quietened down.

“First, no disappearing on Cas and me, ok. We stay together. A day like today, the beach will get crowded soon and I don’t want to lose any of you.

Also, sunscreen, it goes straight on right now and also when you come out of the water, and last but not least, you are ordered to have a good time, you hear” the boys smiled at that, before they started looking down and out the window and anywhere but at me.

I looked at Cas puzzled but he was grimacing at me as well. “Ok, what’s wrong” I asked.

“Dean, we didn’t bring anything with us” Cas said, “I didn’t know we would be going swimming or anything like that”

I gaped and him and then I rolled my eyes, “Oh my God, seriously”

Turning to the boys I said,” Did you think I was going to bring you here with nothing? Where do you think I was this morning?”

Ticking my fingers off one by one I said, “I got swimming shorts and hats for everyone, Rose gave me your sizes.

I got sunscreen, I have towels, blankets, I got a football to kick around, I got fins and if you are not a strong swimmer, you will wear them and I also bribed Rose into making us up a fabulous lunch which is in the trunk.

So, can I see some smiles all round please, and maybe a Thanks Dean”

Cas and the boys roared “Thanks Dean” and then they dissolved into giggles. I rolled my eyes again for good measure and was rewarded with more giggles as I climbed out of the car.

I had done my research and I knew that they had changing rooms on the beach itself for privacy getting changed. Opening up the trunk of the Impala, I gave each boy a bag with a swimming shorts, a hat, a towel and fins in each. I gave Cas a bag with our swimming shorts, the blanket, more towels and the football and a lead for Miracle. And I grabbed the food cooler.

Making our way to the changing rooms, we each grabbed one and changed as quickly as we could.

I emerged first wearing loose black shorts that came to above my knee, and I was still wearing my black t-shirt that I had driven down in. I had got the same shorts for Cas and he came out of the changing room wearing them with his grey t-shirt.

When he joined me, he reached his hand around my neck and pulled me close to him, leaning his forehead against mine. Staring into my eyes, he said “This is a wonderful idea, Dean, the boys are so excited”

I smiled back at him and said, “Thanks Cas”.

He released me as the boys came running out and we were a happy group making our way onto the beach.

There were umbrellas that could be hired out, so I grabbed one and set it up while Cas pulled out the blanket and laid it down.

The next couple of hours was filled with laughs and water fights and water polo, (it was too hot to kick the ball around the beach) Miracle was in her element diving after the ball and the boys, and running in and out of the water.

I was constantly throwing the sunscreen at the boys, especially Keith with his fair skin and red hair. I was terrified of him getting burnt. 

I had to drag the boys including Cas out of the water to eat some lunch but once they started eating, they devoured everything.

Afterwards, I told the boys to wait an hour before heading back into the water, so they stayed by the water’s edge playing with Miracle, Cas and I watching them from the blanket.

I smiled as I watched Jimmy. Despite being four year older, he was very patient with the boys. Playing with them, answering questions. Being the good older brother even though in reality he was an only child. He reminded me, well, of me.

Cas and I had both taken off our t-shirts when we went in swimming and I saw Cas glance at me now and seemed to do a double take.

Cas tutted at me. He actually tutted “Looks like someone didn’t take his own advice”.

At my enquiring look, he said, “Your shoulders are a bit red Dean, here let me” and before I knew it Cas was behind me squirting sunscreen onto my shoulders. I yelped as the cold cream hit my skin and Cas chuckled.

“You did that on purpose” I grumbled

I felt Cas’s lips near my ear, his warm breath tickling my skin “Yes I did, but I knew you could take it”

I shivered at the intimacy of feeling Cas so close, us both naked except for swimming shorts, but my response was lost when his hands started rubbing the cream into my shoulders. It felt amazing. I let my head fall forward and I couldn’t stop the groan from my mouth.

Immediately Cas’s hands stopped, and I groaned again at the loss, “Dean did I hurt you?

I turned my head to look at him, “What, god no, it felt great, don’t stop”

I gave a quick glance to see where the boys were at, but they were still playing with Miracle and I let my head fall forward again.

Cas began to rub the cream into my shoulders again and the back of my neck. Cas’s hands were large and strong, and they felt wonderful.

This continued for several minutes and I was so lost in the sensation, that it was a while before I realised that maybe this wasn’t about putting sunscreen on me anymore.

“Dean, Cas look” I heard Jimmy call out. I felt Cas’s hands still and I groaned silently as they left my back, but I looked in Jimmy’s direction.

Jimmy was pointing at this enormous yacht that had arrived a couple of miles out. Its looked like it was dropping anchor. The boys were fascinated by it and I waved to Jimmy to show I had seen it.

Cas sat down beside me again and I looked at him. “Thanks for that Cas”.

Cas turned to me with a small smile on his face and asked “You really enjoyed that. It felt good?”

I smiled back at him “Yeah Cas, it felt amazing”

Nudging his shoulder, I said “You should do that for a living. I’ll be your best customer”.

Cas gave a bark of a laugh when the boys minus Jimmy came running up to sit under the umbrella, Miracle hot on their heels. It really was too hot to stand around if you weren’t going into the water.

Cas handed the boy’s bottles of water and he filled a bowl for Miracle.

I watched Jimmy for a minute standing at the water’s edge staring out at the yacht before grabbing my t-shirt, Jimmy’s t-shirt and a hat.

I nudged Cas’s shoulder again and said “Be back in a while”

Heading down to the water’s edge, dragging my t-shirt on as I went, I handed Jimmy his t-shirt and a hat.

“Are we going home?” Jimmy asked

“No. I thought you might like to take a walk along the beach with me. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to” I told him.

“No, that’s fine” he said turning to walk into the water, pulling on his t-shirt and hat as he went, and I followed him.

We paddled in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of the water, our toes squishing into the wet sand and the sun warm on our shoulders.

“Your very good with the boys. Very patient with them” I told him.

He shrugged self-consciously and I laughed.

He looked at me and his face was wary.

I shrugged, “Sorry, but you remind me of me. I have a little brother that I practically raised since I was four years old. My Dad was away a lot so a lot of the responsibly was left on my shoulders. I didn’t mind. I love my brother, still do but it did take its toll”.

Jimmy was looking out to the ocean when he asked “Did you really spend time at Sonny’s?

I snorted “Yeah. He saw right through my bull in ten seconds flat.

Jimmy laughed looking back at me, “Yeah me too”.

I grinned down at him, “Sonny came into my life when I really needed him. I loved being there so much that I could see myself staying there with Sonny, and I wanted to, I really did. I could see myself going to school, competing on the wrestling team and I would have stayed, if it wasn’t for Sammy. I couldn’t leave him alone. He was my responsibility”.

Jimmy stared off over the water again and said, “I don’t have any brothers or sisters so it’s nice when I can do something for them, the boys, when I can help them in some way, like with homework, or showing them how to look after the chickens and planting vegetables”.

I looked at him “It feels good to help doesn’t it. It feels good to help someone even if your life is going to crap. It helps you, to help someone else”.

Jimmy stopped walking and stared up at me “Yeah that’s it exactly”.

I smiled down at him “I told you we are a lot alike”.

We started walking again. Jimmy looked lost in thought. Glancing at me he hesitated.

I said, “You can ask me anything, Jimmy. Anything at all. I know you don’t know me, and you were comfortable with Sonny, but I want to change that. I want to be someone you can come to, and count on, so ask” I told him.

Jimmy peeked another look at me and said, “I know I made a stupid joke about it, and I’m really sorry and if you don’t want to tell me its fine, but you and Cas, are you married?”

Feeling a little lightheaded from the question I realised I wasn’t offended or even amused, I was genuinely curious why he wanted to know.

“Why do you think we are married, is it because we share the same last name” I asked him.

Jimmy blushed a bit at that but said “I’ve seen the way Cas looks at you, when you’re not looking. I never knew someone could look that happy, just from seeing someone. I’ve never seen anything like it”.

Jimmy’s answer startled me. He sounded mature beyond his years. And I could understand what he meant. I had caught a few of those looks from Cas over the last few weeks since he came back. Sam and Eileen had seen those looks. Even Rose has, hence her gentle ribbing of me. The warm feeling unfurling in me had nothing to do with the sun.

Jimmy continued when I didn’t say anything, “I’ve seen the way you look at Cas too, so I just wondered”

Looking at Jimmy, I had a good feeling about him. There was no badness in him, he genuinely wanted to know, so I decided to tell Jimmy some of my friendship with Cas.

“Cas came into Sam’s and my life over 12 years ago, right when we needed him. It wasn’t always smooth sailing, our friendship, but we always came back to each other, we have had some terrible fights and differences of opinions, that had us separated for months at a time.

Sam and I even thought he was dead at one stage around seven years ago and when we found him, even though I was so mad at him, I felt better inside because he was back with us.

Since then, we have gone through every trial and tribulation you can think of and then some and have come out the other side.

Four months ago, Cas once again put himself in harm’s way for me and I thought again I had lost him, but here we are.

He’s safe, I’m safe, Sammy’s safe and we have this new life together. He’s my brother, my best friend, my anchor in this crazy world. No matter what life throws at us, we are still here, kicking and grinning”.

Smiling down at Jimmy I said, “Bet your glad you asked now. But to answer your question, no Cas and I aren’t married, we’re friends, best friends, we’re not even together in that way” I said.

Jimmy looked at me puzzled,and asked me simply “Why not?”

Again, his question took me back just from its simplicity. Now I found myself staring out to sea with Jimmy’s simple question running around my head “Why not”.

The last five months had been a journey of sorts where my emotions with Cas were concerned. Five months ago, he told me he loved me and then he was gone.

My desperation to get him back along with my grief of losing him, put his declaration on the back burner.

When I did take it out to examine it, it wasn’t just his declaration of love that astounded me, it was also everything else he said.

How he saw that I cared for the whole world, how I was more than my father’s blunt instrument.

And when he told me this, it was the expression in his face that blew me away. It was so open, so joyful, with tears running down his face and then I lost him.

You changed me Dean.

But that day, Cas changed me too.

It was why I walked away instead of killing Chuck, it was why I left the bunker and hunting and came to Sonny’s.

And it was why I was seriously thinking of Cas in a non-friend kind of way.

“Dean, you don’t have to answer. I’m sorry if I overstepped” I heard Jimmy say

Realising how long I had been standing there, I smiled down at him and said “No, it’s a good question. I just don’t have an answer, at least not yet”

Placing my hand on his shoulder I said “You can ask me anything Jimmy, anything at all. If I can answer, I will”

Jimmy smiled tentatively at me.

I grinned back at him, “C’mon, we better get back. Make sure the boys haven’t drowned Cas or something”

We walked back chatting about Sonny and the vegetable garden. I hadn’t realised how far down the beach we had walked. I was trying to spot where we had parked our stuff, when I heard Cas call, “Dean, Dean”

I turned and there in the water was Cas waving at us, Keith on Cas’s back trying to dunk him under the water with Nicholas and Joseph laughing, watching them.

“Crap, they are trying to drown him” Jimmy said deadpanned.

I snorted a laugh and together we ran into the water together to rescue Cas. By the time we reached him, Cas had lost his balance and had fallen over into the water, taking Keith with him.

Laughing I reached Cas and asked him “You ok there, Ariel?”

Cas squinted up at me from his seat on the ocean floor, the water swirling around him and he held his hand up for me to pull him up, “Ariel?

“Yeah, you know, Ariel the mermaid”, I said pulling him up, “Though I think you might be prettier” winking at him.

Cas tilted his head at me before stepping into my space. The next thing I knew I was being dunked into the ocean, with the boy’s gales of laughter ringing in my ears.

Cas smiled down at me “Oh yes, I can see it now. Yes, very pretty from this view”

I wiped the water from my face and told him menacingly “You do know I can’t let this go. That this is war now”

“Dean, you’re supposed to be setting a good example for the boys” Cas said hands on hips, but his mouth was twitching.

I gaped at him, “What, you dunked me first. Are you…………..are you smirking at me?” I asked as I got back to my feet and invaded his space.

“Dean” but Cas couldn’t stop the laugh coming from his mouth. I grabbed him around the waist and both of us fell backwards into the water, a tangle of arms and legs.

Breaking the surface, we coughed and spluttered salt water from our mouths.

I looked over at Cas, who’s grinning at me, while wiping water from his eyes. The boys and Miracle joined in splashing and dunking each other. It was hours before we left the water again.

It was a sweaty, sandy, slightly sun burned but happy group on the journey home. Everyone was eating ice cream cones that would hold us until we had dinner.

Cas was sitting beside me again while Miracle had her head hanging out the window. Rubbing her, Cas turned to me and said “She has half the beach in her coat, she’s going to need a bath when we get home”

“Can I do it?” I heard Jimmy say from the back.

I looked in the rear-view mirror at Jimmy, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I can tie her up near the garden hose out back and wash her there” Jimmy replied.

“Awesome. I left her shampoo and grooming stuff under the sink in the kitchen. Thanks Jimmy. But we’ll eat first ok. It’s been a long day” I told him, and he nodded his head.

When we got home, I sent the boys up for a shower and a change, Cas included.

Rose had left a lasagne in the fridge for us and I put it in the oven to heat. Miracle threw herself down on the porch, having had plenty of exercise for the day. I poured water into her bowl and left it there beside her.

My skin felt scratchy from the sand and my shoulders were slightly tender from being burnt even after Cas’s administrations. I was smiling to myself as I climbed the stairs to have a shower.

Cas was already finished, sitting on his bed wearing tan shorts and a white t-shirt.

He stood as I entered the room and pulled me into a hug, “Today was a great day Dean, thank you” squeezing me tight.

He leaned back to look at me as he said, “Did you see the boys, they loved it”.

Blushing furiously, I smiled and said “Yeah it was great fun. That’s kind of what I wanted for you, me and Sam. Toes in the sand, enjoying our retirement but yeah, today was kind of perfect”.

Cas smiled his crooked smile at me, “It would have been nice for Sam and Eileen to be there as well”

I placed my hand on his shoulder and said “Yeah it would have been nice, but I wouldn’t change who I was with for the world, Cas”

I squeezed his shoulder and headed in to have my shower. I looked back as I entered the en-suite to find Cas standing where I left him, his back to me and his head bowed.

“Cas you ok” I asked

Cas didn’t turn around but when he answered his voice sounded shaky, “I’m fine Dean, I better check on the boys” and he left the room in a hurry.

Dammit, I thought. What the hell did I do now.

**To be continued**


	3. Six Months at Sonny's Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. I hope you enjoy Part 3. I want to bring your attention to the fact that I have added new tags. They include mentions of child rape and after care but I’m not including details. This is Sonny’s home for boys. None of them have a happy story.

**Hi everyone. I hope you enjoy Part 3. I want to bring your attention to the fact that I have added new tags. They include mentions of child rape and after care but I’m not including details. This is Sonny’s home for boys. None of them have a happy story.**

**Six Months at Sonny’s part 3**

**You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of** **you.**

The quiet click of the bedroom door closing mobilized me into action. I hurried across the room to follow Cas but by the time I had opened the door and crossed the landing, he was gone.

Dammit. Now what did I do.

I went over our conversation, but I couldn’t see what I could have said to upset him.

The last thing I wanted was to hurt him, in fact I had wanted to convey how much it meant to me having him here, especially after the amazing day we had. I would talk to him as soon as I could, and sort all of this out.

I jumped into the shower and turned the water on high, wincing when I turned, and the water hit my upper back. Ouch sunburn.

Washing quickly so I could get back down to talk to Cas and sort out dinner, I dressed in sweatpants and a black Led Zeppelin t-shirt and made my way back down to the kitchen. I could hear the boys still in their rooms laughing and teasing each other as I passed.

In the kitchen, I found Cas putting out plates on the table. He looked up at me as I came in and despite the tan on his face, I could see him colour slightly.

Over Cas’s shoulder I could see Jimmy just outside the kitchen window, getting to work on washing Miracle but first things first.

I walked straight over to Cas, bending my head to look him in the eyes, “Talk to me, what did I do?”

Cas looked at me startled, “What do you mean Dean?”

I tilted my head at him and give him the look, the don’t bullshit me look, “I said something upstairs to upset you, and that is the last thing I intended, so tell me, what did I say?”

Cas’s eyes widened, but then he smiled slightly and shrugged his shoulder at me blushing again, “Dean you didn’t upset me, what you said was………. well, it was wonderful.

It made me happy. I’m afraid that I’m still getting use to emotions and how strong they can hit me. Before when I was almost human, I always had a small bit of grace, enough for me to manage, a buffer if you will, but now………”

Taking a deep breath, I got it, “Now, you’re fully human so no buffer”.

I palmed my hand across my forehead and damn if I didn’t feel the prick of tears at the corner of my eyes, “Dammit Cas, what you gave up, what you’re going through, hell” I said spreading my arms, “what you’ve taken on here. This can’t be easy. It’s hard enough for me”.

I reached for Cas and put my hands on his shoulders, “Promise me, I mean it, promise me, if it ever gets to be too much, you’ll tell me, and I will do the same. Promise?”

Cas looked at me with those blue eyes of his and he nodded his head, “I promise Dean”.

Little did I know there and then how soon that promise was going to be tested.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Dinner was a lively affair that evening. The boys were in high spirits after their day out, Rose’s lasagne went down a treat, but only an hour later they started nodding off in front of the telly, the long day of sun and sea catching up on them. Saturday night or not, we half carried them up to their room, before nine o’clock, and shooed them into bed. Even Jimmy followed us up yawning saying he was beat.

Out on the landing, I looked at Cas and said, “I’m having one beer and then I think I’ll be turning in myself”.

Cas smiled at me, “I’ll join you”.

We headed downstairs, Cas heading into the sitting room, while I went to the kitchen for a couple of beers. Joining Cas on the couch, I noticed he had a documentary on bees showing on the TV.

I grinned at him, handing him a beer and said, “Still love those bees, huh”.

Cas returned my grin, clinked his beer bottle off mine and said, “Yes Dean, I do”.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

I woke with a start.

Trying to get my bearings, I felt I was lying on something warm and soft. I was still in the sitting room, lying on the couch, the lamps and TV were off in the room and what I was lying on was breathing.

I turned my head slightly already knowing what I would see.

Cas and I were stretched out on the couch fast asleep and I was lying on top of him, head on his chest and Cas’s arm around my shoulder. That wasn’t even the strangest part. The strangest part was, it didn’t feel strange, in fact I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so comfortable. I was sorely tempted to lay my head back down, but I hadn’t locked the house up properly, I had no idea where Miracle was, and it wouldn’t do for the boys to find us like this in the morning.

So, it was very reluctantly that I started to move, as I did Cas’s hand tightened on my shoulder.

Moving carefully, I braced one hand on the back of the couch. I had got one leg on the ground and one leg kneeling between Cas’s knees when Cas’s eyes shot open, with me hovering over him.

I rushed to reassure him, “Cas it’s just me, we fell asleep. I’m sorry I woke you”.

Cas looked up at me sleepily, “Where are you going? I’m sorry Dean, did this make you uncomfortable?”

I blinked at him in surprise, “What? Actually, no Cas, I was very comfortable, but I haven’t locked the house up and I have to find Miracle……….” I trailed off as Cas interrupted me, “I did all that”.

I sat back on my heel as Cas sat up to face me, “You fell asleep before you even finished your beer. I locked up the house and Miracle is in Jimmy’s room. I was going to wake you Dean, but you looked so peaceful, so I sat down for a while and I must have fallen asleep as well, I’m sorry”.

I snorted out a laugh, “Cas, you idjit, what are you sorry for? I’m just sorry I didn’t know that before I moved” and then I blushed to the roots of my hair when I realised what I had said.

Cas smiled his crooked smile at me and blushed as well.

“Though having said that, I think our bodies will thank us, in the morning for not having spent the night on the couch” I said with a half laugh, standing up.

“C’mon, bed” I said holding out my hand to pull Cas up.

Cas allowed himself to be pulled up, “I suppose that’s a good idea. You’ll need your rest for tomorrow”.

He grinned at me, squeezing my hand before he released it.

He was already out of the room and halfway up the stairs when I caught up with him. Catching his hand again I tugged him around and asked, “What’s happening tomorrow?”

He turned and grinned cheekily at me “It’s a surprise” and without letting go of my hand he pulled me up the stairs and didn’t leave go until we entered the bedroom.

………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning as Rose was on a well-deserved day off, I cooked breakfast.

As we ate, I watched as Cas obviously ignored my pointed looks. He engrossed himself in conversations with the boys and completely ignored me. He also didn’t mention anything of the surprise to the boys either.

I smiled behind my coffee mug as I realised Cas was getting me back for keeping my own surprise from him yesterday. Well two can play at that game.

Standing up from the table, with my empty plate in my hand, I stood at the sink with my back to the room, looking out the window, “So guys, when you’re ready, clean up the kitchen, then your rooms and then we will look after the chickens, after that is there anything in particular you want to do?”

Before the boys could answer, I heard the scrape of a chair, and I felt a warmth at my back. I watched as Cas put his own plate in the sink around me, before he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the kitchen saying “Boys, I just need to talk to Dean for a minute, I will be back”

Turning my head to look at Cas while being manhandled out of the kitchen, I asked in my most innocent voice “Something wrong Cas” and I was rewarded with a growl. He dragged me into the office before he released me. Turning to face him, I looked at him with raised eyebrows while fighting the smirk on my face.

Cas was doing his best to give me his worst smite face but was failing miserably. “Dean Winchester, you are the most incorrigible, exasperating, stubborn f…..”

“ah ah now Cas let’s keep this rated PG” not able to stop the burst of laughter coming from me.

“Dean” Cas exclaimed still trying his best to keep his smite face.

I couldn’t help myself, the last few days of having Cas at my side, laughing and joking and relaxing and now teasing each other went to my head.

There was no other excuse for what I did. I walked over and wrapped my arms loosely around his shoulders.

Smiling into his face, I asked “Yes Cas”.

He shook his head at me before breaking into a wide smile, my smile, “I can’t be mad at you. You look so happy. I like it”.

And I realised he was right. I was happy. Happier than I had been in years. Despite my fears about running this place, despite the memories the boys invoked, I was happy.

As we continued to grin at each other, the air between us grew heavy and as I watched, I saw Cas’s smile fade and his pupils enlarge. I was fascinated, watching them go from brilliant blue, to inky black with a sliver of blue like lightening around the edge. It was like watching an eclipse.

I imagined seeing them like that in a very different setting. Cas’s face and eyes looking like that, staring up at me while I…………………

“Hey Dean, Cas” I heard Jimmy call and was followed by a knock on the door.

Christ these boys were going to kill me.

I pulled my hands away slowly squeezing Cas’s shoulders lightly, wanting to convey I was sorry about the disruption. I wondered if I looked as dazed as Cas did.

I walked over and opened the door to find Jimmy standing there. He really looked sorry for interrupting us as if he knew what we were doing, “Dean, sorry but the sink is leaking in the kitchen”.

I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “No problem Jimmy, does Sonny have any tools I can use”.

“Yeah, he keeps them in the press under the stairs. I’ll get them for you” Jimmy replied running off to do just that.

I turned back to Cas to say I don’t know what, but he brushed past me muttering something about “bad timing” and I have to say, I heartily agreed.

An hour later, the sink is fixed, the kitchen is clean, the chickens are fed, and Cas and Jimmy have checked over their garden. But now, Cas is nowhere to be found, and neither are the boys. Climbing the stairs, I met Jimmy on the way down.

“Where is everyone” I asked him.

Jimmy grinned at me and said “Cas is up to something. He told us to change into shorts and t-shirts and to put our boots on”.

I smiled “Where is he?” and Jimmy pointed back up towards the attic.

As I walked into our bedroom, I thought, the gods are really trying to kill me.

Cas was standing there with his back to me in the same shorts, I had bought for swimming yesterday and that’s it.

Cas was beautiful. There was no two ways about it. Between working on the garden all week and the beach yesterday, his skin was darkly tanned. His arms, legs and back rippled with lean muscles, more from hard work, than working out.

He turned to look at me and I noticed a light dusting of hair running from his belly button, that disappeared under his shorts. I had to make a conscious effort to bring my eyes up to his face to find Cas’s gaze on me looking puzzled.

Cas tilted his head at me, “Is something wrong Dean?”

And right there I understood.

Cas didn’t get it. I thought I was being as obvious as hell with my blushes and my ogling, but for some reason Cas wasn’t expecting this reaction from me. Didn’t expect me to be attracted to him, so he must think I’m acting extremely weird.

Well, that was good but also not so good, because if I ever do come clean with Cas, I will have to use actual words and not actions.

I barked out a laughed as I thought, yes, the gods were bored and were trying to kill me. Dean Winchester will have to use actual words to get what he wants. Christ.

Shaking my head ruefully I smiled at Cas and said, “So am I included in this surprise or are you taking the boys somewhere by yourself?”

……………………………………………………………………………………….

As I hiked the trail with Cas, the boys and Miracle running ahead of us, I teased Cas by saying “So the surprise you have for us is hiking and sweating through the woods, is it”

Cas gave me his side looking smite face and said “The hike is not the surprise” throwing his nose in the air at my double take.

Gasping at his cheek, I caught him in a headlock and saying, “You are asking for it, smitey face”.

Cas laughed but managed to twist himself free and impressively pin me up against a tree, his hands on either side of my chest.

With a smirk on his face, he growled at me “Patience Grasshopper”

I huffed out a laugh and Cas released me, grabbed my hand and said, “C’mon before we lose the boys”.

We caught up with them and not ten minutes later we reached the treeline. What lay beyond took my breath away.

The lake appeared like magic. A beautiful, glittering blue lake. It was surrounded by pine trees and grass crunched under our feet that ran all the way down to the water’s edge.

The boys ran ahead squealing and laughing when they saw it. They pulled off boots, socks and t-shirts, leaving them where they fell and continued their journey running full tilt into the lake splashing each other with abandon.

I turned to look at my friend with astonishment, “Cas, how did you find this place”.

Cas turned to me with small smile on his face, all joking gone, “I found out about it while I was researching about the hiking trails. I thought it would be a good day out for all of us”.

I was so stunned by our surroundings which were so beautiful and peaceful, and we had it all to ourselves before a horrible thought intruded on me. I turned to Cas and said “I ruined this for you didn’t I, with the day out yesterday. I kind of rained on your parade. I should have told you what I was planning. Dammit Cas, I’m sorry”

Cas turned to me in disbelief and stepped into my space. Grabbing my chin with one hand he turned me until I was facing the lake with the boys swimming and chasing each other out of the water.

“Look at them Dean, look at their faces. Look at their smiles. This isn’t a competition. This is about giving them stability and a safe place, a happy place. I think right now, you and I have been successful, and we make a great team. But then I always did think so”

While I stared at the boys, laughing and splashing each other in the water, I felt a wave of emotion coming over me and I wrapped my left arm around Cas’s shoulder and took a deep breath to steady myself. Cas curled his right arm around my waist and pressed against me.

While still watching the boys, I spoke to Cas, “I still pray to Jack every night Cas, to thank him for bringing you home. I’m so glad you’re here”.

I turned to see the stunned look on Cas’s face looking at me, before I pulled him into a hug. Over his shoulder I saw Jimmy looking at us with a small smile on his face before he dived back into the water, and standing by the water, embracing my friend, I thanked Jack again.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

After another afternoon of swimming and generally having a great time, we were a happy but tired group walking back to the house. The boys walked ahead, Miracle running and jumping between them, as Cas and I walked side by side, shoulders bumping off each other as we walked down the trail to home. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and whispered in this ear, “Just in case I forgot to tell you, I had a great time today”.

Cas blushed endearingly but grabbed me around the waist and squeezed, “You didn’t forget Dean. In fact, you told me that many times today, and I enjoyed hearing it each time”.

I grinned at him, “Well in that case, you are going to be hearing it many more times”.

Cas’s gaze on me was searching and I raised my eyebrows at him, “What”.

Cas’s next words surprised the hell out of me, “You look so beautiful”.

My breath caught in my throat, “Cas, what” and I knew I was blushing up a storm.

Cas smiled shyly, “I mean it, Dean you look healthy and rested and tanned from the sun. There’s no stress on your face. You look relaxed, young”.

Walking with our arms still around each other, I knew what he meant. I thought the same when I looked at Cas, he looked like he was actually glowing.

But then we had no big bad to fight, no sacrifices to be made. Of course, in my case, it also helped I wasn’t drinking a fifth of whiskey every night.

Winking at him shyly I said, “Actually Cas, you’re the beautiful looking one, me” pointing at my chest, “I’m handsome”.

Cas squinted at me to check and see if I was being serious, “You think I’m beautiful?”

I looked at him in disbelief, “Ah yeah, Cas I have eyes, as do half the residents of Hurleyville. I’m afraid, one of them is going to run away with you and you’ll leave me here all alone”.

Cas came to an abrupt halt. His arm tightened on my waist as I stumbled at his sudden stop. He turned to face me, his arm still around me, “That would never happen, Dean. I would never leave you. In fact, that has been my fear with you. That you might meet a woman that you want to settle down with”

Standing there with Cas, our arms around each other, I wanted to tell him right there and then, that I wanted to try with him but all that came out was “That will never happen”.

Cas gave me a surprised look, “You don’t know that Dean. Women have always found you attractive”.

Oh god, it looked like this was it.

This was the time. Words, Dean Winchester, use your words. “Cas I already found……..”

“DEAN, CAS, Ms Mason is here”.

I turned to see Jimmy waving and calling from the end of the trail. We were nearer the house than I realised.

I turned to Cas, “Todays Sunday, right?” and Cas nodded.

We untangled from each other and we hurried our way to Jimmy. All these interruptions were making me think the universe did not want Cas and I together. I was getting a bloody complex.

But right now, I had to find out what Ms Mason was doing here on a Sunday. Nothing good, that was for sure.

As we came around to the front of the house, I spotted the familiar blue saloon car parked out front. On seeing us, she exited her car and waited.

Turning to Cas, I said, “Cas can you look after the boys and I’ll find out what’s going on” and he nodded, herding the boys and Miracle as he went.

I didn’t like the body language of Ms Mason. She looked upset, she looked small.

As I reached her, I placed a hand on her arm, “Ms Mason, what is it. Are you ok?”

She gave me a tight smile, “Helen, for what I have to ask you, you better call me Helen”.

Raising my eyebrows at that, I took her elbow and escorted her into the house and then into the office. I could hear showers running and footsteps stepping over and back upstairs. There was no sign of Cas.

Turning to Helen, I asked her, “Can I get you a coffee or water or something?”

Now that I was really looking at her, she looked exhausted. She smiled tiredly up at me and said, “Water would be great”.

Filling the glass up in the kitchen, my anxiety level was reaching critical. What could she be intending to ask us to do?

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ten minutes later, I found out.

Kneeling on my hands and knees at the side of the house, throwing up my lunch with tears running down my face and blood roaring in my ears, I thought, I can’t do this, I can’t do this.

I didn’t hear Cas calling me until he grasped me by the shoulders, “Dean, Dean, what is it?” he asked, falling to his knees beside me. I grabbed onto him, resting my face on his shoulder.

“I’m ok Cas, I’m ok, really”, I said wiping my mouth, I looked up into Cas’s sceptical face and I realised he would have to be told too, because as bad as I felt, there was no way that I could say no to Helen. There was no way.

But I dreaded to see the look on Cas’s face when he found out our next challenge.

Sonny was right. There is nothing scarier that a human that abuses a child.

Cas helped me back into the house. I made my way to the kitchen to rinse my mouth out before returning to the office. Cas was hovering anxiously in the kitchen watching me.

I turned and grabbed him by the shoulder, “Remember what I told you, if any of this is too much, we tell each other ok, promise me?”

Cas searched my face, “And you, Dean is it too much?”

I shook my head, “Cas, what Helen just told me, I’m right at my limit, so please, no sugar coating, ok?”

At Cas’s nod I said “Ok. Let’s go back in. Poor Helen has to tell us this story again”.

Helen was somewhat composed by the time we got back to her. I was under no illusions that she hadn’t heard my loss of control. Only the fact that she, a seasoned professional who had probably seen and heard every nasty thing that could be done to a child, looked just as upset, made me feel a bit better.

She smiled wanly at me and Cas, asking, “Are you ok, Dean?”

Scrubbing my face, I shook my head, but answered, “I will be”.

Helen nodded her head, “I know this is asking a lot, but I thought a home instead of an institution, would be better for Michael’s recovery”.

Cas and I lowered ourselves onto chairs and Cas asked, “Who’s Michael?”

Helen looked at me and I nodded for her to go ahead, “Michael Andrews. He’s eight years of age. Lives alone with his mother. She’s a nasty piece of work. The department has tried to get Michael out of the home for a couple of years now, but the mother has a lawyer who seems to know every trick in the book, and we’ve been thwarted at every turn. Two weeks ago, the mother decided to throw a party, where her child ended up being the party favour”.

Cas’s face blanched and the colour faded from his face. I squeezed my eyes shut, dreading the next words that Helen would say, “I’m sorry Cas, he was raped”.

Cas stood up so abruptly, that the chair overturned.

I reached out my hand, “Cas”.

But he held his hands up, “Give me a minute, Dean” but he never left the room.

He turned to look out the window breathing hard. I never took my eyes off of him. I wanted to go to him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him from behind and bury my face between his shoulder blades, but Cas had asked for space, so I stayed in the chair, waiting.

Cas eventually spoke, “How many?

I was puzzled by the question until I realised what he meant. Horrified, I spun my head to look at Helen just in time to see her squeeze her eyes shut and answer “We don’t know”.

“Jesus Christ” I whispered sticking the heels of my hands into my eyes.

Cas turned back and squeezed my shoulder before he sat down. Looking at Helen he said, “Of course we can take care of him. Won’t we Dean?

I looked at Cas in a daze, drawing strength from his resolve, and I nodded, “Of course, Cas”.

Cas squeezed my shoulder again before addressing Helen, “But will he be ok to be here, with us being men? I don’t want him traumatised any further”.

Helen smiled slightly at that, “I only took over his case on Friday evening and I’ve met him only a couple of times and yes, normally I would say your right, but the boys sang your praises here on Friday, I thought you should know that. And they are all good boys here, they’ll be gentle with him. Yes, I think this will be a good fit for Michael. With your permission, he’ll be here tomorrow. We will be transporting him straight from the hospital. He should arrive here about two in the afternoon”.

I spoke up then, “Helen should we put him in with one of the boys or give him a room on his own?”

“I think in this instance, and in these circumstances, you could leave it up to Michael himself” Helen said, and I nodded my head at her.

Helen continued, “A nurse will be travelling with him and she will help him get settled and go over his aftercare with you, so you’ll know exactly what you need to do”.

Gathering herself, she stood up and we joined her, “Thank you for this. After all the times we let him down by leaving him in that house, well I want him to get the best care now. He’s such a sweet boy”.

I touched her arm lightly, “Of course Helen, we’ll do our best. Please, I’ll walk you out” and she nodded her head jerkily.

She smiled briefly at Cas and said, “Goodbye Cas and thank you again”.

Cas nodded soberly, “Goodbye……….Helen”

We walked to her car in silence. As she was about to climb into her car she sighed and turned back to me.

“Dean I feel I better prepare you………………..” she trailed off

My stomach clenched and I thought, “What now?”

With a sad look on her face she said, “Michael, he looks, well he looks the image of Cas, its actually uncanny. I just thought you should be prepared, before you saw him” she squeezed my arm lightly and climbed into the car.

I realised Helen wasn’t blind to the looks between Cas and me. An image of a beautiful child with Cas’s blue eyes and untameable hair appeared in my mind.

Oh god, can I do this?

After seeing Helen off, I went back into the house and saw that Cas was still in the office. The amazing weekend we just had with the boys was fading fast from his face.

My near confession to Cas of only an hour ago of how my feelings were changing was a distant memory and wouldn’t be looked at again for a while now I feared.

I knew my face mirrored Cas’s. I held him by the shoulders as I whispered, “No sugar coating, agreed”.

Cas nodded solemnly at me, “Agreed”.

I smiled at him, “We got this, ok. C’mon, help me make dinner. I need your company”.

Cas smiled, “And I need yours”.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Dinner was a quiet affair. Cas and I had rustled up some burgers and chips, with coleslaw and salad as a side. The boys were giving us furtive looks throughout dinner, and I gave them small smiles back that I knew did not fool anyone.

It was Jimmy who eventually worked up the courage to ask, “Dean, did something happen to Sonny. Is that why Ms Mason was here?”

I turned to look at him in dismay, “Jimmy, no, I’m sorry. No, it wasn’t about Sonny. Actually, Cas and I were going to talk to you after dinner but now is as good a time as ever. We have a new boy coming tomorrow. His name is Michael and he’s eight years old”.

I took a deep breath as there was no way we could hide the next part from them, “Look it’s like this. He’s coming here straight from the hospital” and I saw Jimmy wince, the other boys were staring at me wide-eyed.

“He’ll probably go straight to his room, when he gets here so introductions might have to wait. I’m going to leave it up to him if he wants his own room, or to share. And, he probably won’t be running around and playing for a while, so maybe you guys might be patient with him ok?”

Keith, Nicholas and Joseph nodded back solemnly to show they understood. Jimmy was staring down at the table. When he looked up, he stared straight at me and said, “He can stay with me, if he wants company, Dean. There are two extra beds in my room”

Hating to put this burden on him, but knowing exactly how Jimmy was feeling, I smiled softly at Jimmy, “That would be great Jimmy, thanks”.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

After dinner, I left Cas in the kitchen with the younger boys to clean up and Jimmy and I went up to his room to dress one of the beds in his room. Not knowing which bed, Michael would want to pick, we ended up dressing both spare beds in Jimmy’s room and one of the beds in the extra room.

Jimmy disappeared for a minute and when he came back, he had some books in his hands that he liberated from the bookcase in the sitting room. There was the first Harry Potter book, a Dragon Slayers book and a copy of the Magic Treehouse.

I watched as Jimmy put them on the locker beside the bed furthest from his.

Seeing me watching him, he shrugged, “if he’s stuck in bed for a while, he might want to read something”.

I smiled, “That’s an excellent idea, Jimmy, thanks”.

A noise behind me alerted me that Cas had joined us, “All ok?” he asked.

Looking back at Jimmy, I said “Yeah we’re done. Are you coming back down?”

Jimmy shook his head, “I think I’ll hang up here for a while”.

I hesitated, “Do you want some company?

Jimmy looked up in surprise, but gave a small smile, “No, I’m good Dean, thanks though”.

I nodded and turned back to Cas. We joined the other boys in the sitting room as they watched telly, relaxing after another day of activity.

At nine, we herded them to bed, with no trouble, as another afternoon of fun had wiped them out.

I was disappointed for the boys that the weekend had to end on such a quiet note, but this was the reality for a lot of these kids. It was so goddam unfair. I don’t know how Sonny had done it all these years.

The anger that was simmering a low boil inside of me all evening, wanted nothing but to burst forth, but I didn’t have my usual crutches to help me handle it.

No monsters to kill, no whiskey to drown in, hell I didn’t even have a punching bag. At least that might be the one thing I could rectify.

I was going to go to bed and throw the covers over my head and hibernate, but Cas tugged me back downstairs and marched me out to the porch swing and made me sit down. Disappearing back inside, he was soon back with two bottles of beer.

Smiling while handing it to me he said, “You might actually finish this one”.

I snorted as he sat down close enough for our shoulders to be touching, and then I turned serious, “I don’t think I’m going to be good company tonight Cas”.

Cas sat in silence for a minute before he answered, “You know what else I learned from my research, Dean”.

I turned to him and waited.

Cas stared straight out across the front yard as he said, “It’s very common for people like us who care for vulnerable people to feel their pain acutely, and for someone like you Dean, it will hit you very hard. You want to fix the problem, fix the pain and when you can’t, where does that leave you”.

Cas reached down and took my hand that was resting on the seat between us. Linking our fingers together, he raised his eyes to me as he continued, “It leaves you with me Dean. As you say, no sugar coating, no holding back, you talk to me and I’ll talk to you and that’s how we’ll get through it”.

Cas hadn’t broken eye contact. Of course, we were the champions of eye contact but this time the words accompanied it, stirred something in me.

The words burst forth from me in a rage, “I want to kick the shit out of someone Cas. I haven’t even met this kid yet and I want to find every one of those fuckers that hurt him and eviscerate them. I want to throw them into a nest of vampires and watch them tear those fuckers apart. I want…………gggrrrrrrrr. I want to hurt them so bad”.

I scrubbed my face with my left hand, my right hand still enfolded in Cas’s. He was an anchor while this rage boiled inside me.

Then Cas spoke quietly, “Do you not think that I want to do the same to them Dean, and I’ll tell you straight out, right now, the way I feel, if I got the opportunity I probably would, and I won’t fucking apologise for it”.

I huffed out a breath at Cas in surprise, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse before. And that was some awesome “non-sugar-coating” Cas”.

Cas snorted at my air quotes. But it made him smile and he had made me feel better.

I squeezed his hand, “Thanks Cas”.

We sat and finished our beers in silence, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the porch swing, and if Cas had a problem that I didn’t leave go his hand, he didn’t mention it, but he didn’t let go either.

………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, driving Cas, Rose and the boys to distraction. Cas kicked me out mid-morning and pointed me towards the woods behind.

Grumbling about best friends taking liberties, I whistled for Miracle and stomped along the hiking trails with her racing up and down the trails, throwing sticks for her to fetch until I felt myself calm down. I knew Cas was right. I was no good to the boys this way and I definitely wouldn’t be any good for Michael.

Michael needed someplace calm and peaceful to heal himself, body, mind and spirit. Not a high-strung functioning alcoholic with a borderline personality and a bottomless pit of rage.

A couple of hours later I was feeling better, as I made my way back to the farm with Miracle by my side.

I stepped up on the back porch and went into the kitchen to find Rose still pottering around.

She smiled at me and asked, “You ok?” and I nodded my head.

We had told her about Michael and his situation, and she had offered to stick around, even overnight for the first couple of nights, to help him settle. I was so grateful to her for that, but I told her we would play it by ear.

I was washing my hands at the kitchen sink, when Cas came in and announced, “He’s here”.

Turning to Rose I said, “Can you gather the boys in the sitting room. I’m not sure if he’ll be in the mood to meet them, but just in case”.

“Of course, Dean” Rose replied, and I followed Cas out to the front of the house.

As we stepped out onto the porch, Helen was just getting out of her car. Another woman, slim, with vibrant red hair pulled into a messy knot on the top of her head, dressed in pink scrubs, climbed out of the back seat, holding a small suitcase in her hand. I watched as she helped a young boy out of the back seat of the car. He moved stiffly out of the car and as I watched, the nurse placed a hand on his shoulder, but he deftly moved out from underneath it.

He didn’t want to be touched. I got it.

As they moved towards the house, Cas and I stepped down to greet them. We said hello to Helen, and she introduced us to the nurse, whose name was Sarah. After greeting her, Helen introduced us to Michael.

Helen knelt down beside Michael and said “Michael, this is Dean, and this is Cas. They run this farm. They are going to look after you for a while. There are other boys here, who you can play with. I promise you will be safe”.

I knelt down in front of him and it took everything in my power not to weep like a child. Michael was small even for eight years old. His eyes were blue and huge in his face, and his hair was messy and dark and yes, his resemblance to Cas was incredible, but it was the look in his eyes that made me want to weep. It was the look I had seen in experienced hunters’ eyes, who had seen one too many horror shows.

I spoke as softly as I could, “Hello Michael. My name is Dean. I hope you will be comfortable with us. We have four boys staying with us and they are quite eager to meet you”.

There was no response from Michael. Not an eyeblink or a twitch of the lips.

Cas knelt down beside me and introduced himself, “Hello Michael. My name is Castiel, but all my friends call me Cas”.

At the mention of Cas’s full name, Michael turned his face to look at him as he continued “You have a choice of rooms. You can have your own room, or you can share. What would you like?”

Michael stared at Cas for a moment and then he moved towards him and placed his hand on his cheek. Cas stayed perfectly still as Michael seemed to study him.

No one said a word, while Cas and Michael seem to engage in some silent communication. I had seen some strange stuff in my time, so it was only another Monday to me, but I was wondering what Helen and Sarah the nurse were thinking.

Cas may not be an angel anymore but the essence of who he was, was still there. It shone out of him. Just like Cas’s presence grounded me, it seemed to have a similar effect on Michael.

Michael dropped his hand from Cas’s face and Cas stood up. I joined them, my knees cracking from holding that position for too long. Cas held out his hand and Michael took it and together they climbed up onto the porch and into the house.

I turned to the two women and saw that Helen was even in more awe of Cas than before.

She had tears in her eyes as she turned to me, “He would barely let the doctors or nurses touch him in the hospital and only would, because it was necessary. I knew it. I knew this was the right place for him. Cas must be some type of angel”.

I huffed out a laugh as I looked back to watch Cas and Michael enter the house, “Helen, you have no idea”.

When Helen, Sarah and I joined them, Cas and Michael were still in the entrance hall saying hello to Rose, the doors to the sitting room were open and I could see the boys hovering inside, with Miracle beside Jimmy.

Cas looked down at Michael and asked, “Michael, would you like to meet the other boys now?”

Michael looked up at Cas and nodded slightly.

Letting Cas lead, I stayed silent, staying nearby in case Cas needed me, but he had it covered.

I watched as he introduced Michael to Keith, Nicholas and Joseph. Each of the boys said a quiet hello, as if they knew not to make loud sounds or gestures. When Jimmy stepped forward, I saw Michael’s eyes latch onto Jimmy’s face, like he did with Cas. Without prompting, Jimmy knelt down in front of Michael so he could talk to him at eye level.

“Hi Michael, I’m Jimmy. This here is Miracle. She’s Dean’s dog but she sometimes sleeps with me. There’s a couple of spare beds in my room if you want to share. I’ve put some books that you might like to read beside one of the beds, or there is a room all for yourself if you would prefer that. Would you like to see them?”

Michael gave an absent pat to Miracles head before looking back up at Jimmy. Michael’s big eyes seem to devour Jimmy’s face and then he nodded. Jimmy looked up at Cas. Cas smiled and held out his hand to indicate that Jimmy should lead the way.

I stood back as Helen and Sarah followed Cas, Jimmy and Michael up the stairs. Turning to the other boys, I smiled at them and told them they could go play outside, while Helen got Michael settled.

Keith and Nicolas shuffled out, Miracle on their heels but Joseph stopped beside me and peered up at me, his usual cheeky grin missing.

“You ok Joseph” I asked

He shrugged, “Will he be ok?”, he asked looking back up the stairs.

I bent down to meet his eyes, “Eventually with time. We’ll just have to be patient”.

My first instinct was to pull him in for a hug, but I knew that wouldn’t always be welcome unless the boys initiated it first, but Joseph swayed towards me until he was leaning against my side and I caught him in a side hug, squeezing tightly. I pulled away after a few moments, looking down at him and his cheeky grin reappeared before he ran out of the house.

Yeah, these boys were going to stomp all over my heart.

My estimation of Sonny went up a hundred zillion points. Just thinking of him doing this job all these years filled me with awe.

I turned to see Helen coming back down the stairs. Smiling at me she said, “Michael has decided to bunk with Jimmy. He chose the bed nearer the window. Sarah will be down to tell you about his aftercare soon. In the meantime, I will have a quick check in with the other boys. Are they around?”

“I just sent them outside. Who do want to start with?” I asked.

Helen smiled tiredly at me, “I’ll start with Keith today, thanks”.

I caught her elbow, “You ok Helen?”

She huffed a laugh, “Dean there are days I love my job and other days I want to run screaming into retirement. I think you can guess what day I’m having today”.

I squeezed her elbow realising how fond I was of her already, “I understand, really”.

I turned and stepped out onto the porch. I looked left and right before I saw the three boys swinging out of one of the trees on the farm. I called Keith who came running. After he disappeared into the office with Helen, I climbed the stairs to see how our newest addition was settling in.

I entered Jimmy’s room just as he was leaving. I smiled and patted his shoulder as he passed me before he made his way downstairs.

Sarah the nurse had Michael already in bed wearing navy blue pyjamas that made his face look paler and his blue eyes huge in his face. He was lying on his side staring at Cas who was sitting on the middle bed in the room, looking back at him.

Sarah turned to me and spoke softly to me, “I’ve put Michaels clothes away in the locker and some are hanging in the wardrobe”.

She crossed the room to me seemingly not wanting to disturb the silent communication going on between Cas and Michael. Pointing to the door, she led me out onto the landing as she showed me the bottles of medication she was holding.

Holding up the bottles one at a time she said, “This is the antibiotic, its one tablet twice a day with food”.

She paused before holding up the other bottle, “These are painkillers” stopping when I winced, “He can have them every four hours if needed for another week, so you might want to set an alarm to remember”

Nodding my head, I said “That’s fine. I have an alarm on my watch. I can set that. Anything else we need to know”.

Pinning me with a stare, she said, “Michael still has his stitches in, so he has a colostomy bag fitted. That will have to be changed every morning. He can’t have baths or showers for the time being. He can only have a sponge bath”.

I stared at her in horror, “Sarah, he’s not going to want us to touch him. How are we going to …………………”

Sarah placed a hand on my arm, “Dean stop, relax. Michael has bonded with Cas. It’s amazing really. But not unheard of. Michael feels safe with Cas. I’ll show Cas what to do and how to do it. I’ll be coming out every second day to clean and look after the injury. Cas won’t need to do that”.

Sarah could see I was spiralling and took pity on me, “Dean, you are going to be fine. The most important thing here is that Michael gets the security he needs to heal. Security from what I heard; he has never had. I don’t think that boy has felt safe one day in his whole damn short life”.

Seeing the steel in Sarah’s green eyes I could see her coming along, if Cas and I ever found the fuckers who brutalised this child. I found myself liking her immediately.

Scrubbing my face, I smiled wearily at her, “Thanks Sarah”.

She smiled back just as wearily, as she pulled a card out of the pocket of her scrubs, “This is my number. If you have any problems, or if you’re unsure about anything, call anytime. I mean it”.

I looked down at the card. It said Sarah Summers RN with the name of the Hurleyville General Hospital she worked at, and her phone number.

Sarah and I went back into the room for her to say goodbye to Michael. She didn’t touch him, but she knelt by his bed and she assured him she would be back on Wednesday.

Cas stood up and thanked Sarah before she left. Turning to me he told me he would stay a while and I nodded.

I escorted Sarah down to the entrance hall where we met Jimmy coming out of the kitchen munching on an apple.

I asked him, “Hey Jimmy, have you met with Ms Mason yet?”

“No Dean, Joseph is with her now and then me” Jimmy answered

Thanking Jimmy, I turned to Sarah and said, “Coffee?” and she smile gratefully.

When we entered the kitchen, Sarah exclaimed, “What a beautiful room”.

Rose who had been in the pantry walked back into the kitchen, in time to hear Sarah’s exclamation.

“I’m glad you like it. When I started working here, Sonny said since I’d be spending a lot of time here that I could decorate it however I like. Hi, I’m Rose, it’s nice to meet you”.

Sarah smiled, “Actually, I know. I work with Jackie. She never shuts up about you”.

Rose turned around in surprise, “I thought you came from New York City?”

Sarah grimaced, “No I work in Hurleyville General. Michael’s mother keeps a house down here. That’s where the party was”.

Sarah stepped forward with her hand out, “I’m Sarah. Sarah Summers. It’s nice to finally meet you”.

Rose’s face blanched, “Oh my god, you’re Sarah. Jackie is always going on about you. Only for the fact she swore you were straight as a die; I would have been sickeningly worried and jealous”.

Sarah laughed and said, “Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have stood a chance. That woman adores you”.

I stood there watching the two women bond in admiration. They both did jobs helping people survive the worst of humanity and they still managed to be friendly, gracious and accepting of each other. Whoever said women were the weaker race, were bloody idjits.

Rose poured three cups of coffee and we sat around the kitchen table with Sarah telling us some funny stories of what can happen on a night shift in Hurleyville General. She had a way of making people feel at ease, that by the time Helen re-joined us and told Sarah she was ready to go, I was feeling more like myself.

Rose and I walked them to the car with Sarah promising to be back Wednesday, squeezing my arm and telling me again that I got this.

When we came to Hurleyville, Cas and I felt very much alone but between Rose, Helen and Sarah we were setting up one hell of a support system, who were not only on the kids’ side but our side too. It was the support and encouragement that we needed without realising we needed it.

Watching them drive away I could feel Rose’s eyes on me, “What is it Dean?”.

I looked back towards the house and up to the window that I knew Michael could now see out of and I sighed, “Its Cas. He’s so invested already. I’m worried”

Rose squeezed my arm, “Your Cas has a beautiful soul Dean. Of course, he’s invested. But between you and me, we’ll mind him ok”.

Huffing a laugh, I looked down at Rose, “So Jackie’s the romantic is she, what does that make you”.

Rose mock glared at me as she walked away, “You wash your tongue boy”.

The day already felt like it had gone on forever. I wanted to do something with the boys, to defuse the tension, that I’m sure they were feeling, and I had just thought of something. They were back hanging out of the trees again and I made my way over.

“Hey guys, I don’t know about you, but I could definitely use some ice cream, how about it?”

The happy squeals were my answer and I told them to get into the car.

“Give me a minute” I called to them before heading back into the house and climbed the stairs.

I knocked on Jimmy’s door and entered as soon as I heard Cas say, “Come in”.

Neither Cas nor Michael had moved position, but it looked like Cas was reading the Harry Potter book to Michael. I sat down on the bed beside Cas and he leaned into me as if he needed the support. I put my arm around his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Cas looked at me with a soft smile and my heart gave a little lurch.

I glanced over at Michael and he was watching the two of us intensely.

“I’m sorry to interrupt” nodding at the book, “But I’m taking the boys into town for some ice cream, would you like some Michael?”

Michael looked at me when I asked the question, but he didn’t answer. His eyes went back to Cas and after a moment, he nodded.

I smiled and turned to Cas, “How about you?”

Cas smiled again and said, “Yes thank you Dean. I would love some ice cream”.

Patting his shoulder, I asked “Any particular flavour?”

Cas shrugged shyly, “Surprise me”.

I huffed out a laugh and stood up, “We’ll be back soon”.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

After Rose had refused an offer of ice cream, we took off into town. The boys were chatty enough on the drive into Hurleyville. I hadn’t been in the town since I arrived in Sonny’s, but I knew at least one establishment in the town to sell ice cream.

I parked up outside the restaurant named simply “Robin’s” and got out, with the boys following suit.

As we entered the restaurant, I spotted Robin herself behind the counter. She smiled when she saw us and came around to greet us.

“Hey guys. Nice to see you out and about” Robin said with a big smile on her face. The boys all greeted her shyly and I rolled my eyes behind their backs before reaching over to give her a hug.

“We are all in need of ice cream” I told her.

Hands on hips, she said “Well you have come to the right place”.

She picked up some menus and seated us in one of the bigger booths.

“Deserts are at the back of the menus. Do you want something to drink?” Robin asked.

The boys looked at me shyly and I answered, “Whatever you want, go on”.

The boys all asked for sodas and I ordered one for myself, wishing it was something stronger.

By the time Robin came back with our drinks, the boys had decided what they wanted. Keith, Nicholas and Joseph went for bowls of different flavoured ice cream, while Jimmy went for profiteroles. I went for the classic ice cream cone.

Before she could get our order, I stopped her and asked, “Do you do takeaway? I promised Cas and Michael, I would bring them some. Cas stayed behind with Michael. He only arrived today”.

Robin smiled, “Absolutely, I can put the ice cream in proper bowls for you. I can collect them tomorrow when I call for the lessons”.

I smiled back at her gratefully, “Robin, you’re the best. Listen Cas told me to surprise him, so I’ll leave it up to you what to give them”.

Robin winked saucily and said, “You bet” and I rolled my eyes at her.

Christ. I realised, I was in competition with my old girlfriend, for Cas and I shook my head in disbelief.

The ice cream treats went down, well, like a treat judging from the happy grins coming my way. Joseph had an impressive ice cream moustache which I rubbed off with a napkin all the while he grinned goofily at me.

Robin came over with our takeaway ice cream in bright coloured bowls that she thoughtfully put into a cooler bag.

She stopped to chat for a minute before I told her we had to go, “Hopefully I haven’t ruined them for their dinner or Rose will have my hide”.

Robin laughed, “These growing boys, not a chance. They’d eat you if you stood still long enough” and the boys laughed at her.

I loved seeing their smiling faces. I was looking at Jimmy, so I saw the smile disappear off his face, replaced with something close to apprehension.

“Well, well, what do we have here” and I turned to see a man appear behind Robin, dressed in the uniform of a Deputy Sheriff with an ugly expression on his face.

The boys turned silent and bowed their heads and I felt the low boil of anger in the pit of my stomach at the sight.

The Deputy Sherriff was wearing a uniform consisting of green khaki shirt and pants, cream Stenson seated on his head and a gun belt around his waist, complete with gun. His face was red and sweaty as if he had been running.

Robin looked over her shoulder and said “Oh hi Wade. You haven’t met Dean yet have you. This is Dean Winchester. He’s taken over from Sonny while he gets better. Dean this is Deputy Wade Myers”

I didn’t put out a hand for him to shake and neither did he. I just about managed a nod in his direction.

He stood up straighter, pushing the hat on his head back a bit while sticking his thumbs into the waistband of his pants. A typical, red necked asshole manoeuvre made to make him look superior. It didn’t. He just made him look like a dick.

The next words out of his mouth only confirmed this.

“Right, right, Winchester. I heard you and your “partner” took over there. I’ve been meaning to call and make sure you were keeping the boys under control”.

Robin glanced at me at the term “partner” that dripped with disdain out of Deputy Myers mouth and looked set to correct him.

I jumped in before she could, “Cas and I are great, thanks. We’re a “tight” team” I said grinning wolfishly at him, and really enjoyed watching him blanch at my inuendo.

“We don’t need a call out. As for these boys, they could teach some adults a thing or two about manners and how you treat others”.

His mouth thinned at that as I stood and gestured the boys out of the booth, “Excuse us, it’s time we went home”.

Without a goodbye to the Deputy, I pressed some notes into Robin’s hand, giving it a small squeeze and thanking her again for the takeaway.

I got the boys back into the car and it wasn’t until I climbed in myself that I realised, Jimmy was sitting shotgun.

He smiled shyly at me and I returned the smile.

“Are you all ok? I’m sorry about that asshole” I said grimacing as the boys in back giggled at me swearing.

Blushing, I begged them, “Please don’t tell Cas I swore in front of you. He might smite me” and the boys giggled again and promised they wouldn’t.

Jimmy was looking at me like I hung the moon, “Dean you were awesome in there”.

I smiled at him, before saying, “I hate guys like that. Just because they wear a uniform, they think they can act however they like. Your supposed to want to care and protect people, when you put on a uniform like that, not terrorise them”.

Scrubbing my face with my hands, I started Baby and headed back out of Hurleyville for home.

We were halfway there, the boys in the back talking quietly between themselves when Jimmy asked me “Dean you do realise what you did back there, don’t you?”

I looked at him puzzled, and saw Jimmy had a small smile on his face, “Which part?”

Jimmy looked like he wasn’t sure he should say anything before he dived in, “Well you kind of confirmed to the deputy and to Robin, that you and Cas are together”.

My eyes widened at that, “Crap. I did”

Jimmy laughed, “It’s going to be all over the town by nightfall. Guarantee it”

I started laughing because, Hell what else could I do.

I managed to wheeze out, “I just lost Cas all his admirers. There will be broken hearts all over Hurleyville tonight”.

Jimmy laughing said, “Yep. Glad I’m not the one that has to tell Cas”.

I mock glared at him and said “Asshole” under my breath, and he collapsed back against the door laughing.

I joined Jimmy and we were both laughing so hard, I had to pull the car over. Seeing the puzzled faces on the boys peeking at us over the back seat, set us off again and it was a while before we got underway again.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Arriving back at the house, I told the boys to wash up before dinner, as Jimmy shoulder bumped me, before he headed upstairs.

So, it was with a big smile on my face that I headed into the kitchen to put the ice cream into the fridge. Cas and Michael could have it after their dinner.

“Someone’s in a good mood. That must be some ice cream their selling in town” Rose said glancing up at me from peering into the oven. The smells emanating from there was heavenly.

I leaned against the counter, “Yeah we went to Robins. Boys seem to enjoy it. Hey Rose, do you know Deputy Myers?”

Rose straightened up and said, “You mean Deputy Douchebag?”

I beamed at her and said, “Marry me” and she barked a laugh.

“So, you met him, I take it” Rose asked.

I grimaced at her, “That son of a bitch is a Grade A asshole, Rose. How’s he allowed to get away with it”.

She looked at me pointedly, “Maybe because he’s the Sheriff’s son. Look don’t get me wrong; Sherriff Wade isn’t so bad. He loves this town and does right by it, but he has a blind spot where his son is concerned unfortunately”.

“Yeah well, he nearly ruined the outing for the boys, but I think I managed to salvage it. All in all, they had a good time, I think” I said to her.

Rose smiled at me, “Dean you’re doing great, both you and Cas. Relax. There will be enough times when this job will tie you up in knots. Don’t stress out the small stuff ok”.

I knew she was right, “Thanks Rose. Listen, have you seen Cas?”

“He’s still with Michael. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes, why don’t you go on up and get him” she smiled at me and I nodded at her.

As I got to the bedroom door, I could hear voices inside. Knocking lightly, it was only a couple of seconds before Jimmy opened the door.

Cas’s smile was bright as he said “Hello Dean. I heard you had a good time at Robin’s. Though Jimmy said that you had something to tell me”

I turned and made a grab for Jimmy, but he ducked out laughing and ran down the stairs.

Cas was looking at me in bemusement and Michael was staring with his big blue eyes.

I huffed a laugh and knew I was blushing as I scratched my head.

Cas’s face changed then as he asked, “Did you change your mind about Robin. Are you seeing her again?”

Looking at him in surprise, I said, “No, no actually the opposite happened” and Cas tilted his head looking puzzled.

I sat down beside him, “I’ll tell you later, I promise”.

Turning to Michael, I said, “I have your ice cream in the fridge downstairs. Yours too Cas. We were a bit longer than I thought. Dinners nearly ready, so you can have the ice cream after, is that ok?”

And for the first time, Michael acknowledged me by nodding his head a small bit. Who would have thought it, ice cream worked on all the boys!

Cas stayed upstairs with Michael and helped him eat his dinner. I missed him at the table, but the boys kept me entertained especially Jimmy who kept smirking in my direction. Rose had left after she served up dinner, muttering about a rare night, that her Jackie was off. I promised her the kitchen would be shining when she arrived in the morning.

Hours later, the kitchen was cleaned, the boys were in bed and I was sitting on the porch swing drinking a beer, when the screen door opened, and Cas was standing there. He looked tired and rumpled but still so beautiful.

I held up my beer as he made his way to over to sit down and asked him if he wanted one.

Cas smiled, “No thank you Dean. Michael is asleep but I thought I should stay the night there, just for tonight. Jimmy is ok with it. Michael seems comfortable with me, but it’s his first night in a strange place and it’s just in case he wakes in the night, well I can be there to comfort him”.

I smiled at him and said, “Yeah that’s fine Cas, I understand. But make sure you get some sleep ok. You look tired”.

Cas smiled back at me, “I will. So, what do you have to tell me? I have to admit, Jimmy has me curious”.

I huffed a laugh, “That boy”.

Cas shouldered me, “You like him”.

“Yeah, I do. He’s a good kid, hell a great kid” I said smiling.

Cas smiled back, “So what happened”.

I told Cas about going to Robins and what the boys ordered and the fun we were having when Deputy Douchebag turned up.

Cas interrupted me, “Dean I’m sure that’s not his real name”.

“That’s what Rose calls him” I said indignantly.

Cas laughed until I continued, and then his face got stony. When I got to the point of him mistaking us as being partners, Cas interrupted again.

He looked at me worried, “I’m sorry Dean. I hope you put him right”.

I grimaced at Cas and scratched my head and said, “Well not exactly Cas”.

While Cas looked at me in amazement, I thought in for a penny, “I um, kind of confirmed that we were, in front of him and Robin and I know I shouldn’t have without your permission, but he was such an asshole to the kids and now it’s probably all over town and you’ll lose all you admirers and I’m sorry about that and I’m also sorry…………………..”

I stopped when Cas threw his arms around me, in a slightly awkward side hug.

“This was so not the reaction I was expecting” I said into Cas’s shoulder smiling.

“Well, when my best friend who’s now pretending to be my boyfriend and doesn’t care who knows, because some assbutt was upsetting the boys, and he put them first, well then yeah, he gets a hug” Cas said into my ear, his breath puffing against my skin.

“What about all your admirers??” I asked meekly.

Cas pulled back and smiled at me, his blue eyes slightly watery. His hands reached up to cup my face and he pulled me down slightly and kissed me on the forehead, his lips lingering. The heat from his hands and the feel of his lips and the smell of earth and air, that was all Cas, surrounded me until my head was swimming.

Cas pulled back again and said simply “Goodnight Dean” before he got up and headed back inside, leaving me dazed and slightly aroused on the porch swing.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

The piercing screams that filled the air had me awake and reaching for my gun. In the silence that followed, I realised that I was alone in the room, remembering that Cas was staying with Michael.

Michael.

That was Michael. I jumped out of the bed and dragged on a pair of sweatpants. I crossed the landing and made my way down to the second floor. I didn’t bother with knocking, I opened the door as quietly as I could, so as not to frighten Michael any further.

The only light in the room was coming from the lamp beside Jimmy’s bed. Jimmy was hovering looking so unsure as to what to do while he watched Cas cradle Michael in his arms. Miracle was lying beside Michaels bed looking up at him. The tears running silently down Michael’s face like a river was heart wrenching to watch. As Jimmy turned to me, I could see he was crying too. Cas looked up at me and my heart lurched. He was not ok.

None of them were. First things first.

I gently pulled Jimmy out of the room, murmuring to him to come with me. As we came out into the hall, I saw the other boys peeking out of their room. I told Jimmy to sit on the stairs and I walked over to the other boys.

“Hey guys, he’s ok. He just had a nightmare. Cas is with him and he’ll be ok” I said doing my best to reassure them.

I got them back into bed, “Try and get some sleep alright” I told them, looking at the clock in the room that showed it was 4.30am.

They all nodded quietly back at me, looking shell shocked. I didn’t blame them. Michael’s screams had frightened the life out of me.

At the door, I turned back, “Hey, you know where I am, if you need me. I don’t care what time it is, alright”.

That turned out to be the right thing to say. The boys nodded again but they looked more relaxed and settled back into their beds.

Returning to Jimmy, I patted him on the shoulder and said, “Come with me”.

I brought him downstairs and out onto the front porch. The air was cool but not cold. We should be ok for a few minutes in just our t-shirts and sweats. Sitting him on the swing, I went back into the kitchen and filled two glasses of water.

Returning back to Jimmy, I asked, “Do you want something else, coffee, tea?” but he shook his head and took the glass.

We sat in silence for a few minutes sipping at our water.

Finally, Jimmy asked, “What happened to him Dean, those screams……….” he stopped his whole-body shuddering.

I looked at him, “I can’t tell you Jimmy but even if I could, I wouldn’t. You don’t need that crap in your head”.

Jimmy glanced up at me, “Its bad, real bad. I know it is. You and Cas, at dinner last night, you both looked wrecked”

Blowing out a breath I said, “Cas and I are new to this. We have dealt with a lot of monsters in our time, but this is different. It’s up close and personal so please forgive us, if we mess up sometimes”.

Jimmy was quiet for a minute before it spoke softly “Actually I think you’re doing great”.

Looking at him in surprise, I nodded jerkily at him not trusting myself to speak, the lump in my throat in response to his words, not letting me.

We stood up after a while and went back upstairs. Jimmy had said he wanted to go back to his own room, instead of taking the spare room.

“I think Michael likes having me there too” Jimmy said, and I agreed with him.

Standing outside his bedroom, I stopped him before he entered, “I’ll say the same thing to you, that I said to Cas. If it gets too much, say it. I mean it Jimmy. I know you want to help Michael, but you can’t do that, if you are hurting. You’re here to heal as well, remember”.

Jimmy nodded his head. He swayed towards me before turning away again and some instinct I didn’t know I had, reached for him and pulled him into a bear hug. Jimmy’s hands coming up immediately around my waist, confirmed I had made the right call.

I released him after a minute, and he ducked his head shyly and opened the bedroom door.

Michael looked like he was asleep again and Cas was lying on the middle bed watching him. He turned as he heard us enter and I motioned for him to come out for a minute.

Standing on the landing, I waited for Cas to join me. He closed the door behind him and like we had prearranged it, we reached for each other.

“Jesus Christ, Cas, are you ok?” I mumbled into his shoulder.

Cas shuddered in my arms, “Oh Dean, that poor child. I can’t bear his pain”.

“I know, Cas I know”, I squeezed him tighter, telling him over and over, “I’ve got you, ok, I’ve got you”.

We stood like that for long minutes before Cas reluctantly let me go. Grabbing his face in an emulation of what Cas done for me downstairs, I pressed my lips against his forehead, before releasing him.

Cas smiled weakly at me before he entered the bedroom again, leaving me feeling bereft and my arms empty.

**To be continued**


	4. Chapter 4

Hi all. First, I want to thank you for all your comments and kudos. They are so welcome. I am delighted that you are enjoying the story so far and hope you continue to do so.

So, here’s friendly warning. This is where I earn my explicit tag. Its right at the end of the chapter so if want to skip it, feel free. And if you don’t……………enjoy 😊

**Six Months at Sonny’s Part 4**

**Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.**

I was lying on my bed, still wide awake when my alarm went off at 7am. I had got up a couple of times to check on the boys and thankfully they seemed to have gone back to sleep without any more problems.

Making a mental note to stay close to them today, I showered and made my way down to the kitchen, wanting to be there when the boys arrived down.

Rose was already in the kitchen when I entered, the smells of breakfast and coffee, filling the air. She took one look at me and grabbed a mug, filling it with coffee.

Handing it to me, she asked, “What happened?”

Swallowing two big mouthfuls, I told her, “We had a rough night”

In low tones I told her about Michael waking the house with his screams.

“Rose, I have heard some horrific noises in my lifetime, but that sound makes the top ten” I told her, shuddering.

She patted my arm in consolation just as the boys burst into the kitchen.

Plastering a big smile on my face, I joined them at the table and made them tell Rose about their visit to Robins the evening before.

I worried when there was no sign of Cas joining us. Excusing myself I made my way back up to Michaels room. Peering in I saw that both Michael and Cas were fast asleep in their respective beds. Not wanting to disturb them, I quietly closed the door and went back downstairs.

I told the boys that they could clean their rooms later, so the noise wouldn’t disturb Cas and Michael. I helped them clean up the kitchen and after that we collected eggs from the chickens and cleaned up the coop. The boys were in good spirits even after the fright they had last night.

Leaving them in the sitting room to start their schoolwork, I told them I would be in the office, if they needed anything.

I threw myself down into a chair at Sonny’s desk feeling completely out of sorts. I felt I was drifting, and I had nothing to latch onto. I was missing Cas terribly even though he was just upstairs, missing his presence that always grounded me.

Over the years, Cas had always disappeared for weeks at a time and I would always feel his loss keenly but never really examined why. When he turned up again, I always feel a sharp surge of happiness, revelling in his company.

Rubbing my tired eyes, I asked myself how long I had actually been deluding myself regarding my feelings for Cas.

I needed Sam. I needed to hear his voice. He was the only other person besides Cas that knew me, warts and all.

Dialling his number before I could talk myself out of it, it rang twice before he picked up.

“Hey D-Dawg” Sammy answered which managed to pull a snort out of me. Yes, this is what I needed.

“Hey Sammy, you’re a funny guy, do you know that, how you doing? You have time to talk?” I asked

“Actually, I do. I’m in between apocalypses at the moment” and I could practically hear him grinning.

I huffed a laugh, “Oh god, don’t even joke about that. We are done. No more apocalypses. Jack owes us”

Sam responded with a laugh saying “Too right”

I continued, “So how goes it in your world?”

“I’m good. We’re good. We have a couple of young hunters staying with us at the moment. Eileen is putting them through their paces. And when I say young, I mean young, Crikey I can’t believe we were as young as that” Sam replied

“Actually Sammy, we were younger” I said laughing

I let out a deep sigh and said, “I needed this. It’s good to hear your voice, Sammy” my voice cracking on his name.

I heard a sharp intake of breath, “Dean what is it? Is it Cas? Is he ok?”

I couldn’t tell him everything, but I could tell him something.

Taking a deep breath, I told him, “We have a new kid, arrived yesterday. You should see him Sam, he’s the image of Cas. Big blue eyes, messy hair. Its surreal how much he looks like him. And he’s taken to Cas………………..And Cas is brilliant with him but……………”

“Dean” Sam said while I was trying to catch my breath.

I stumbled on, “I can’t tell you Sam, but it’s bad, what was done to him is bad and I’m trying to be there for the boys and I’m trying to be there for Cas and Cas is wrecked but he’s determined and……and”

“Dean, Dean slow down, please. Slow down” Sam pleaded, “Take a breath, you’re ok, breathe”

I did what Sammy asked me to do, I breathed.

I heard Sammy breathing down the phone with me, “Dean you got this. I know you. But you have to take some of your own advice sometimes. If Cas is busy with this kid and you need to vent, call me, call Jody, call Eileen on Facetime. We are all here for you”

I heard Sam and I knew he was right. I had backed myself into a panic attack because I was sugar coating. I couldn’t do what I normally did and internalised everything. Not here. Not with this job. I thought I was doing better but hell, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Feeling more in control, I said, “Thanks Sam. I……..thanks”

“Dean, how is Cas, really, how’s he doing? “Sam asked

Rubbing my eyes, I puffed out a breath, “You should have seen it, Sam. This child won’t let anyone touch him, but one look at Cas and he……………let’s just say, it was impressive. Cas hasn’t left his side since he got here yesterday. We had a bad night………. anyway, thanks I needed this”

“Anytime, Dean”

Sam and I spoke for another few minutes about the boys before we turned the conversation to the training of the hunters and Eileen before we hung up.

Sam finished “Dean, call me at any time, you hear and pass that message onto Cas as well”

“I will Sam, thanks. Talk soon” I replied, and I hung up.

Feeling better after talking with Sam, I checked in with the boys and spent an hour with them, helping with homework.

Later as I wandered into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, Rose told me that Cas had come down for breakfast but took it back up with him to the room.

I decided to check on them myself. Knocking on the door. I waited until I heard Cas call “Come in” before I entered.

Michael was sitting up in bed, nibbling on a piece of toast, while Cas sat on the other bed drinking a mug of coffee.

Smiling at them both, I said “Hey guys, just wanted to see how you were getting on”

Michael just stared at me with his big blue eyes, but Cas smiled tiredly at me and held out his hand, “Sit. I’ve missed you”

Reaching out, I grabbed his hand and squeezed before releasing it and sat down beside him, “Sam says hi and to call if you ever need to”

Cas’s look told me he understood perfectly what I meant.

Knowing that Michael wasn’t as comfortable with me as he was with Cas I said, “When Jimmy is finished with his schoolwork, he can keep Michael company, let you get a shower, maybe go for a walk, if you need to”

Cas’s eyebrows arched as he said “Is that your way of telling me, I smell bad”

“What, no, no Cas. Just if you want to freshen up is all I meant………. you always smell good” and blushed when I realised what I said. Oh, Jack kill me now, I thought.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I glanced at Cas to find him blushing furiously. He smiled softly at me and I returned it.

Looking over at Michael, his gaze rested on Cas, then on me, and back again, listening intently.

“Actually, that sounds great. But until then, I think we can squeeze in another chapter of Harry Potter. What do you think Michael” Cas asked

Michael nodded and Cas turned to me and said, “Can you stay?”

I grinned at Cas and Michael and said, “No place I’d rather be” and enjoyed the blush filling Cas’s cheeks again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

In the afternoon, Cas was taking a walk around the farm, Jimmy was in with Michael and the boys were playing outside, when Robin pulled up outside for her guitar lessons.

I walked out to meet her, holding the bowls she had given me, for the ice cream. She looked a bit wary as I handed them to her.

She said, “Dean look about yesterday with Deputy…………….”

“Douchebag” I filled in for her.

She grimaced, “Yeah him, look I’m sorry”

I shook my head, “Don’t apologise for that asshole Robin. You did nothing wrong”

She shrugged her shoulders, “Still. I wanted you to know, I gave him a piece of my mind after you left. He knows full well, that none of the boys who have stayed with Sonny have ever caused trouble. I think it was more about…………. well about…………” and she blushed

I bent my head to look at her, “What, it was more about the fact that he thought I was in a relationship with Cas”

Robin blushed again, “Well yeah. But that’s just him, Dean. Not me”

I laughed “Jeez Robin, I know that. But I only said that because he was being such a douche”

Robin’s eyebrows disappeared into her bangs, “Oh so you’re not……………..”

Before I could answer, Cas came around the side of the house and his face lit up when he saw me. I couldn’t stop the smile that crossed my face in return.

Robin snorted a little, patting me on the shoulder, she said, “I don’t know if I believe you Dean” waving to Cas as she went into the house.

………………………………………………………………………………………

I looked at my watch. 4.58am. Very very am. I’m sitting on a very squishy monstrosity of an armchair in the boy’s room. Keith, Nicholas and Joseph have finally gone back to sleep, and I sent Jimmy up to the attic to sleep in Cas’s bed.

Michael’s screams had roused us from our sleep about an hour ago, leaving us all shaken again.

I was worried. Worried for the boys and what impact this would have on them. I was worried for Michael and his future recovery and I was worried for Cas.

Once the screams wake Michael up, he never makes another sound, not even when the tears stream down his face. That in itself is unnerving, but its Cas’s face that haunts me when I lean my head back and close my eyes.

My friend’s eyes meeting mine over the head of this broken distraught child, nearly flooring me.

I want to drag him away. I want to climb into the Impala with Cas and drive as far away from here as possible until the haunted look is gone from his face. But I can’t.

Rousing myself from the monstrosity that is trying to swallow me whole, I tiptoe out of the boy’s room and cross the landing to Michaels bedroom.

Opening the door slowly, I peered in. Michael is asleep, with Miracle lying beside him in the bed, his right hand buried in her fur. Cas is sitting on the floor next to the bed holding Michaels other hand, his head leaning back against the locker with his eyes closed.

Well, he’s not staying there, I thought to myself.

Crossing the room quietly, I kneel down in front of him, ready to rouse him, but as soon as I do, Cas’s eyes opened.

His face crumpled when he saw me, as he whispered my name, “Dean”.

Reaching for him I pulled him forward into an embrace. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, Cas tucked his face into my neck, enfolding his free arm around my waist. I moved one of hands to the back of his neck and massaged him up into his hairline. Cas’s sigh against my skin sent goosebumps tingling all over.

Checking on Michael to make sure we weren’t disturbing him, I said, “Cas you can’t stay here. Let me get you up on the bed”.

Cas sighed again into my neck, god it really felt nice, before he mumbled, “I think I want to stay right here”.

I huffed a laugh, “Now I know your delirious from tiredness”.

Cas’s head lifted and he leaned back to look at me, “Don’t do that, Dean”.

I looked at him puzzled, “Don’t do what”.

Cas lifted his hand from my waist to cup my face, “Ever since I’ve got back, you’ve been different, kinder, softer, happier. Our friendship has grown and changed. You show me affection so easily and now with this, your support, letting me lean on you, it’s not nothing, its everything. The only thing getting me through this is knowing your close by, ready to let me have this. It means everything, Dean”.

Cas’s speech left me speechless. But I needed to express to him that this worked both ways.

Words are not my strong point, neither is sharing my emotions, but here in the hour before dawn, in the quiet of the house, it seems easier.

Holding his gaze, I said, “Cas, it’s the same for me. I mean, I need this too. It’s not just you. But yeah, I want to take care of you, you’re important and I’ve screwed up enough times in the past with us, that I’m determined it’s not going to happen again. So, no matter what, whatever you need, it’s yours Cas, ok, it’s yours”

Cas’s eyes welled with tears and he leaned forward again to embrace me. I was practically sitting in Cas’s lap as I tightened my arms around him. I scratched the back of his neck and listened to him sighing.

After a few minutes I begged Cas to take pity on my knees and with a soft snort from him he released me. I stood up, my knees cracking loud enough to wake the dead, but Michael never stirred. I helped Cas into the bed, tucked the covers up around him.

I held his face and whispered, “Anything you need, ok” and at his nod, I bent forward and kissed him on his forehead.

I stumbled down the stairs to start the coffee, knowing there was no point in going back to bed. It was there sitting at the kitchen table, nursing my second cup, that Rose found me.

I must really look like shit as she said “Oh Dean” when she saw me.

I grimaced, “If you think I look bad, you should see Cas”.

I shook my head as she sat down beside me, “Rose I’m afraid all the boys will end up traumatised if this carries on”.

Rose got up to pour herself a coffee and topped me up as well, “Sarah is coming today right? Maybe there is something she can recommend”.

I snorted, “Unless it’s a fucking DeLorean that can go back in time and stop this nightmare before it starts……………….” I blew out a breath, “I’m sorry Rose, I know you’re trying to help”.

She reached over and squeezed my hand as the sounds of the boys getting up to start their day reached my ears.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Rose sent me back to bed a couple of hours later, promising she’ll keep an eye on the boys while they did their schoolwork.

I passed out the minute I hit the pillow.

I woke later to gentle knocking on my door. Muttering a “Come in” Rose peeked her around the door and the smell of coffee wafted in with her.

“Hey Dean, I thought you might need this” Rose smiled down at me.

Groaning I sat up, “Rose please marry me, and also what time is it?” I said as I took the coffee off of her.

Grinning down at me, she said, “Jackie and Cas would have both our hides, it’s just after 1pm and I thought you would want to know that Sarah is here”

I nodded, “I’m up. Be there in a sec” and Rose left.

After I splashed some cold water on my face, gulped most of the coffee down, I made my way down to the second floor, to find Cas sitting on the top stair.

“Hey Cas, you ok” I asked sitting down beside him.

Cas looked bleary eyed as he turned to me, “Yeah I’m good. Sarah is in with Michael to check on him and change the bandages”

“How about some coffee” I said

Cas looked over his shoulder back towards the bedroom door, “I said I would wait here. Sarah is going to help me with Michael’s first sponge bath, so I’ll know what to do”

Cas reached out and grabbed my hand and squeezed it between the two of his, “I’m a bit apprehensive about it. I don’t want to scare him any further, but I………….”

I reached over with my other hand and held onto his, “Cas, you’ll be fine. You’ll do great. Remember, Sarah will show you the correct way to do it and if Michael doesn’t like something you’re doing, then you’ll stop. Deep down he knows you are on his side. Otherwise he wouldn’t let you near him, Cas. You got this. And I got you, ok”

Cas smile was all the reward I needed. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine and it was like this, with our hands joined that Sarah found us.

“Hi Dean”

I looked up to see Sarah smiling gently down on us, her eyes narrowing as she took in both our appearance, “You both look so tired”

Cas and I both stood to talk to her, as I said, “Yeah, well it’s been a rough couple of nights” as I explained about the nightmares.

She listened intently to the events of the last couple of nights without interruption.

Once we were finished talking, Sarah said, “Ok, there is a drug I could prescribe called Paxil. It’s for kids with anxiety. It could help Michael to relax and maybe help with the nightmares, but I’m reluctant to prescribe it, unless necessary. But I also don’t want the two of you burning out either. It’s not just Michael you have to look after here.

Cas, there is a few relaxation techniques we could try with Michael before he goes to sleep at night, that might help. But if the nightmares continue after a week, I will prescribe the medication, ok”

Cas and I sighed in relief at the plan. Smiling at Cas, she said, “C’mon I show you how to prepare the bath for Michael. First we need a basin”

Cas with a last look over his shoulder at me, followed Sarah down the stairs

………………………………………………………………………………………

Michael fell asleep after his bath, so Cas and Sarah joined us for some lunch. The boys told Sarah all about our weekend previous activities and she gave me and Cas very impressed looks, that were welcome to our tired souls.

I had been planning to take the boys to the funfair this weekend, the one we had passed on our way to the beach last Saturday but now I was unsure of what to do. Michael would not be able to go and I didn’t want to leave Cas behind, but that was no reason the boys should do without. But what to do?

Escorting Sarah out to her car, she interrupted my thoughts, “Dean, that frown will become permanent if you don’t relax”

I straightened my face as I told her what I was thinking about. “Jeez you really like to make things difficult for yourself, don’t you?”

At my puzzled look she said, “The funfair does sound like a fun day out, but the weather has been so warm, why don’t you take them to the lake again. It sounds like they really enjoyed it. It’ll be a more relaxing activity than the funfair. Especially when your all tired. You don’t have to do something different every week, just be with them, Dean. That’s what they really need”

I smiled at her in relief, “Thanks Sarah. I might just do that”.

She patted my arm and said, “I’ll see you Friday. But ring if there are any problems, ok” she said, before climbing into her car and driving off.

The boys were having a cooking lesson with Rose, so I went to find Cas. I found him in our room, sitting on his bed in fresh sweats and a t-shirt, his hair still damp from his shower.

“Hello Dean, I was hoping you’d find me” Cas said smiling up at me.

I grinned back at him, “I always do. Think of me as your friendly neighbourhood stalker. Can’t hide from me” as I sat down beside him and bumped his shoulder.

We grinned at each other before Cas looked away, his face rosy.

Cas looked beat. I wrapped my arm round his shoulder as I asked him, “Are you going back into Michael?”

Cas nodded, “I will but I’m not sure what to do to be quite honest. He doesn’t say anything so I don’t know if he would prefer some alone time or what. I’ll probably stay as much as I can until the weekend and then lessen my time gradually. Eventually, he’ll be out of the bed and hopefully, he will play with the others”

I nodded my head, “That sounds like a good plan. Listen I was talking to Sarah and she thinks I should take the boys to the lake again. I know Michael can’t go but…………”

Cas’s hand rested on my thigh, “That sounds perfect. You should do it. They’ve had a rough week too, Dean”

“I know Cas, but I hate leaving you behind” I laughed somewhat embarrassed.

Cas smiled at me before resting his head on my shoulder, “I miss you too. Isn’t that strange. It seems different this time with us. Since I came back, we have been in each other’s company constantly, first at the bunker and now here, that when your gone, I feel it deeply”

Squeezing his shoulder, I nodded in agreement.

I couldn’t say what I wanted to say. It wasn’t the time. But the urge to tell him that I hated not being with him, missed him sleeping in the next bed beside me, or us watching T.V together with the boys. Jeepers I had it bad. The avalanche of feelings I had for Cas left me breathless.

Squeezing his shoulder again, I stood up before I threw myself at him and made a fool of myself.

“You know what, the boys might be nearly finished with Rose. I’ll ask them if they want to take a small hike with me. After that, Jimmy can relieve you for a while, to give you a break. I’ll see you in a bit”

Pretending not to see his puzzled look, I left the room on unsteady legs.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

The boys were happy to do a small hike. Despite their sleep getting interrupted, they had an abundance of energy, that needed to be burnt off. They took turns throwing sticks for Miracle and laughing when she caught every one, no matter how far they threw them.

I walked a bit behind, thinking back to my conversation in the bedroom with Cas and the resulting emotions I was assaulted with.

What was happening? Why now were my feelings changing so fast? What was so different with Cas and I, that the floodgates were blasting open.

And the only answer I could think of, was time. I had time.

Cas told me he loved me and then he was gone. But that wasn’t all he told me. He told me how he saw me. And for five months I had time to live with those words, to examine them and take them in.

There were no more deadlines, or end of the world scenarios, no major bad guys, nothing but time.

And when Cas was returned to me, he wore his feelings for me proudly and didn’t try to hide them, even though he thought they weren’t reciprocated. That’s how proud he was to love me. My heart swelled just thinking about it.

But it wasn’t just Cas.

I had time to allow myself to be me. To relax. To enjoy being with my friend and it was now becoming apparent how much of myself I had been denying. How much of myself I had been holding back, because our lives had been so crazy, so hazardous, so unpredictable.

And that’s when I realised.

I stumbled to a halt in the middle of the hiking trail, the boy’s laughter floating on the air, getting further and further away from me as the simple truth hit me in the solar plexus.

I was in love with Cas. And I think a part of me always knew it.

I don’t know how long I stood there in shock before I was aware of Jimmy waving his hands in front of me.

“Dean, Dean are you ok” he said, my eyes finally focusing on his worried face.

A bubble of laughter escaped my mouth as I said, “Yeah Jimmy I’m fine, I just got hit with an epiphany”

“Really, cause you look like you’ve seen a ghost” Jimmy said, not looking very convinced.

I laid a shaking hand on Jimmy’s shoulder, “Believe me Jimmy, this epiphany is scarier than any ghost”

Still clasping Jimmy’s shoulder, we continued walking to catch up with the boys. Jimmy turned to me and asked, “What’s an epiphany?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

The next couple of days I barely saw Cas, which in a way was a good thing, for me. My head was still reeling from my epiphany.

Wednesday night, Michael had another nightmare, but Cas managed to get him back to sleep without too much trouble.

Thursday passed with Cas and I only seeing each other in passing. He was busy with Michael and I was busy with the boys.

Friday morning, I woke leisurely, taking the time to yawn, when I noticed the sun peering through the curtains. I sat up quickly. I saw from my phone it was 6.48am.

I panicked thinking I’d slept through Michael’s nightmare. Dammit.

I jumped out of bed, pulled on a pair of sweats and ran down to the second floor. I peeked in at the boys, but they were fast asleep. All good there.

At Jimmy and Michael’s room, I opened the door as quietly as I could, but all I saw were three sleeping forms.

As I stood there, Michael’s eyes opened sleepily and widened when he saw me standing there. I made my way over to him slowly and knees cracking, I knelt down beside his bed.

I smiled at him whispering “Hey buddy, looks like you got a good night’s sleep huh”

His eyes so like Cas’s, gazed at me unblinking but he nodded once. Feeling like I had achieved a major victory, I gave him the best smile I had.

“That’s great Michael, I’m very happy to know that. Are you hungry now? Do you want something to eat” I asked

Michael shook his head as I said, “Ok buddy, maybe in a little while. I’ll let you rest” and I smiled at him again.

As I turned, still smiling, I caught Cas staring at me. The expression on his face was beautiful as he smiled back at me.

I moved over to Cas’s bed on my knees to say “Good morning. I see we all slept well”

Cas glanced at Michael and said “Yes we did”

My eyes washed over Cas’s face, “You look rested. I’m glad”

Cas smiled softly at me and we ended up having one of our staring moments, where neither one of us could look away.

The words were on the tip of my tongue.

I love you.

But this was definitely not the time or place.

Jimmy stirred in the bed beside us and I stood up to go. Leaning over Cas, I whispered, “Come down for breakfast ok. The boys miss you and so do I”

Cas smiled again and said “Ok”

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Cas joined the boys and me for breakfast and it was heart-warming to see how glad they were to see him. They told him the story of the ice cream outing, with Jimmy giving slight digs at Cas over all his heartbroken admirers, which had us both blushing and delighted Jimmy no end.

Rose sat with Michael while Cas joined us for breakfast. She came back down informing us that Michael was fast asleep, so Cas said he would take advantage of it and go for a small walk and check on the vegetable garden, before showering.

It was just after lunchtime when Sarah arrived. After I greeted her, she went upstairs to check on Michael. It was an hour later before she came back down with Cas and they found me in the office.

I smiled when I saw the two of them and asked, “Sarah, you’ll stay for something to eat, yeah”

“Oh Dean I wish I could, but I have another couple of house calls to make” she replied “I’m just letting you know that the doctor on my recommendation, is taking out Michael’s stitches, and removing the bag on Monday. I informed Michael just now and Cas and I decided that I would collect them both and bring them to and from the hospital”

I glanced at Cas, “Michael wants me to go with him”

I raised my eyebrows, “He talked” and Cas beamed at me with a nod.

Feeling the victory for my friend I said, “That is the best news I’ve heard all week”

“Yes” said Sarah smiling, “And I heard we had a nightmare free night last night as well”

I laughed, “We did. You should have seen me jump out of the bed this morning in fright, thinking I had slept through it”

Sarah laughed, “I know exactly how that feels”

She stood up and said, “Ok I have to go. Call me if you need me” and she left with smiles and a wave.

Cas and I smiled at each other over the desk, before Cas’s face turned serious, “Dean there’s something I need to talk to you about”

I frowned at the serious tone, “Oh, what is it”

Cas looked anywhere but at me, “It’s difficult to bring up, I don’t want to embarrass you. My people skills might be improved but I need to know……………………”

The sound of a car pulling up halted Cas’s question and I saw the familiar blue car of Helen’s through the window.

Cas looked frustrated and I reached out my hand and said “Cas”

Cas schooled his features before saying, “Its fine, we can talk later. I need to get back to Michael anyway”

Pressing down the disappointment of losing what I thought was the start of an important discussion between me and Cas, I made a conscious decision, that once Michael was not so dependent on Cas, I was stealing Cas for a couple of uninterrupted hours to talk.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Castiel’s smiling face is wet with tears as he faces me.

“Why does this sound like a goodbye”

“Because it is. I love you”

“Don’t do this Cas. Cas”

“Goodbye Dean”

The screams rent the air as I’m dragged from my nightmare and on my feet in seconds. Taking a moment to catch my breath, I throw on my sweats, and race down to the second floor in what feels like a moment of Déjà vu. I knew it was too much to hope that our nightmare free night would continue.

Ducking into the boy’s room first, I found Keith and Joseph crying, their breathing hitched, while Nicholas looked like he saw a ghost. For a brief moment, I would have preferred the ghost. That I could kill.

Anguish, fear, rage, I couldn’t even vanquish them in myself, never mind anyone else.

I raced to Keith first and scooped him up. Jimmy raced into the room behind me and headed straight for Jimmy. I coaxed Nicholas over on Keith’s bed and managed to comfort him as well.

“It’ll be ok, it will” I said, over and over, to both of them as Keith’s sobs wet the front of my t-shirt.

I looked over at Jimmy cradling Joseph to his chest, trying to apologise with my eyes for the burden put on him but as I met his eyes, the look of Jimmy’s face reminded me of Sam. He seemed to be saying back to me, “I’m ok, Dean I got this” and I gave him a tight smile and nodded.

Once the boys stopped crying, I told them I had planned on taking them to the lake again tomorrow and they cheered up considerably when they heard.

Thirty minutes later, when the boys were more settled, Jimmy said he would stay with them until they fell asleep. I tucked them back in, and Jimmy plonked himself down on the monstrosity of an armchair to keep watch.

I glanced at my watch as I made my way to Cas and saw it was only 2.45am.

Cas was sitting on the floor beside the bed again, holding Michael’s hand, murmuring softly to him.

I crossed the bedroom and settled myself behind Cas, just pressing a hand to his back, to let him know I was there. Cas immediately slumped back against me and I wrapped both arms around his waist and took his weight.

Hooking my chin over his shoulder, I whispered, “I’m here ok, whatever you need”

Cas shuddered, as a sob escaped and he bowed his head, and I knew the former angel was on the verge of losing it.

I whispered words to him that I hoped would help him, words I should have told him years ago,

“I’m so proud of you Cas

I’m so happy you’re here with me

I know you are finding this extremely painful but I’m here

Cas I’m here, ok. I’m not going anywhere, I’m here”

Cas’s free hand gripped both of mine entwined across his stomach. We both watched as Michael finally drifted back to sleep.

Eventually, I picked Cas up and walked him out onto the landing.

He looked tired and wretched. I could barely stand seeing him like this.

“Cas you need to rest, c’mon let me get you into bed, please. I’ll stay here with Michael. He’s getting used to me”

Cas slumped against the wall rubbing his face with his two hands. He smiled tiredly at me, “I told Michael I would stay with him for another while. I can rest on the middle bed. I’m ok Dean, really. I just……………..I just need to be here for him”

I understood. I really did.

Michael had bonded with Cas, big time. In a way, I was glad it was Cas he latched on to and not me. Not because I didn’t like the kid, he was bloody adorable.

But his likeness to Cas was too much. Cas could actually pass for his Dad. His dark curls and his big blue eyes that were so full of pain, it was hard to take.

I pulled Cas into my arms, “No sugar coating, you hear me. You wake me if you need me. I mean it Cas”

I felt Cas shudder in my arms, that I knew was from tiredness. Bone tiredness that never left you rest.

Cas eventually pulled out of the embrace and smiling weakly at me, he turned and went back into Michael.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

I wasn’t sure what woke me. For once it wasn’t a nightmare. Miracle was in Michael’s room, so it wasn’t her moving around that woke me. I lay there for another moment listening out for the kids, when I heard it.

I looked over towards Cas’s bed and I could just make out his outline in the dark. Lying with his back to me, I recognized the sounds for what they were.

Goddammit Cas.

I jumped out of my bed and climbed into Cas’s.

Without thinking too much about it, I pulled him against me, his back to my chest. Wrapping one arm around his shoulder and one around his waist, I leaned my chin on his shoulder.

Grabbing onto my arms, Cas’s sobs broke my fucking heart. I didn’t shush him, or tell him it was ok, because it wasn’t ok, none of it was fucking ok, but I held him as tight as I could and let him cry it out.

When he eventually quietened down, he sniffled, “I’m sorry, Dean, I should have woken you, I know I promised but it just seemed to overwhelm me”

I tightened my arms around him and said “Its ok, I get it. I do. I just hate you going through this alone”

Cas made to move, and I reluctantly loosened my arms, but Cas turned to face me and buried his face in my chest instead.

He mumbled something that I didn’t get, “Sorry Cas, I didn’t hear that”

He raised his head a little but still wouldn’t look at me, “Will you stay? I think I need you to stay”

I didn’t say anything. Keeping one arm around Cas, I tried to move the blanket so I could get under it. Seeing what I was trying to do, Cas helped, as I raised my hips, and I was soon under the blanket with him. Wrapping both my arms around Cas, I tucked his head under my chin as he wrapped his arm around my waist. We lay like that, me rubbing my hand up and down Cas’s back, trying to provide whatever comfort I could give him.

Cas moved his legs until they were tangled between mine. I tightened my arms around him, very aware of the intimacy of our embrace. I wanted to tip Cas’s face up towards me and press my lips to his, but Cas needed comfort right now, not raging hormones. I settled for kissing the top of his head, “Sleep Cas, I’m not going anywhere”.

Cas responded by snuggling closer, his arm tight on my waist and I swear I was never so content in my life.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

The most delicious sensation woke me out of my slumber. I was wrapped around Cas playing big spoon to his little spoon. My very erect cock was nestled right up against Cas’s ass.

I groaned internally. I had to use superhuman strength not to grind myself against his amazing ass. I didn’t want to move, but I had to. I didn’t want Cas to think I was a heathen that would take advantage of him while asleep.

Very gently, I removed my hand from around his waist as I moved onto my back, trying to make it feel like a natural movement.

What I wasn’t expecting was Cas being awake already and following me, and he wasn’t subtle about it either. Looking over his shoulder, his bed head completely out of control, he grumbled at me, “Where are you going?”

He grabbed my arm and pulled it back around his waist again. I snorted in surprise but allowed him to do it but this time I kept some distance between my crotch and Cas’s very fine, very firm ass, finally grasping that Cas had been very much awake and very aware of what had been pressed against him.

Relishing that information, I tucked my chin over his shoulder and whispered in his ear, “You ok Cas”.

He squeezed my hand and mumbled “Yes Dean, I feel much better. Thank you for staying. I haven’t slept this well in a while”.

I hummed my agreement, “hhhmmmm me either, actually. Best sleep I’ve had in a while too”.

Cas turned his face to look at me hovering over his shoulder, “Really” he asked.

I smiled at him at him and said, “Yeah really”.

Cas seemed to think about this, “Maybe we should continue to do so then”.

I arched my eyebrows at him in surprise, wondering if he was joking.

I took it that he was, so I waggled my eyebrows at him lavishly, “What, so you can brazenly use my body for snuggles, you have no shame”.

Cas actually giggled, “Well I have to admit, you do snuggle very well”.

“Damn right I do, I’m the snuggle king. I could sell these snuggles and you want me to give them to you for free” I tickled him right above his hip and to my delight Cas spasmed in laughter.

“Dean no, don’t, please” before he dissolved in laughter again. I got Cas unto his back and straggled him. My morning erection had softened while talking and now I could concentrate on making more shouts of laughter come from Cas’s mouth.

My hands roamed his chest and side looking for more ticklish spots, as Cas tried unsuccessfully to stop me, laughing loudly.

“Dean please stop” Cas begged between bursts of laughter. I loved hearing how carefree he sounded after his ragged crying fit last night.

I caught his two wrists in my hands and pinned them over his head, giving him a break from the tickle fest. That action brought not only our chests, bellies, hips and crotch close together but also had me hovering inches over Cas’s face.

The only thing stopping me from lowering my head was the knowledge that my damn alarm was going to go off any minute and we would have to get up, but dammit if this didn’t feel good.

Instead I said to him, “So if you want snuggles, we will need to discuss terms for payment”

Cas gave me a look that was too innocent to be real, “I don’t think I should have to pay for snuggles”

I raised my eyebrows at him, “And why not?”

If there is one thing in the whole universe that Cas couldn’t manage even as a powerful angel, it was an eyewink. As a human he was even more a disaster at it. But he attempts one now saying, “Perks of a best friend”

Now I was the one dissolving in laughter, I released Cas’s wrists and I ended up burying my face in Cas’s neck chuckling at his dorkiness. Cas’s arms came up around me as his chest rumbled with laughter.

The fact we were wrapped around each other in bed wearing boxers and t-shirts early in the morning laughing our asses off and there was no embarrassment, no awkwardness, was really fucking nice.

My alarm going off, had me groaning. I raised my head to look at Cas and said “Playtimes over”

Looking at him, we could hear the sounds of the boys getting up and moving around.

Cas eyes widened and said, “I better get back into Michael”.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Lying on a blanket, in the May sunshine listening to the sounds of the boys, fooling around in the lake, while the drone of insects lulled me into a light doze, my mind drifted to this morning in bed with Cas.

I remembered the feel of his body as I woke up, the playful tickle fest, the pining him to the bed, his laughter, the feel of our bodies together as I straggled him. It was all so fucking perfect, so easy, so right.

I could beat myself up for wasting so much time by denying my feelings, but I was slowly learning to not quibble over what I couldn’t change.

What was important was here and now. What I did know is that Cas loved me, and I knew that I loved Cas. But did it mean the same to him as it did to me.

I knew he liked the change in our friendship and God so did I. It was so easy now. No more bickering or fighting but then, we had completely different lives now. Different challenges.

But did he want an intimate relationship. A sexual one. Cas may be human now, but he was an Angel for a gazillion years.

And how did I bring it up. How do I ask without ruining this beautiful new direction we were going in?

I had no answers, so I let my mind drift back to this morning again, smiling as I remembered.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Cas was in the kitchen setting up for dinner when we arrived back.

He waved out the window to us as we climbed up the back porch.

“Well, you all look like you had a good time” Cas said as we entered the kitchen.

The boys launched into a blow by blow of their afternoon activities to Cas before I held up my hands and said “Woah woah woah”

The boys giggled at me as I said, “Showers first. You can tell Cas all about it over dinner, ok now scoot”.

After the boys left, I turned and smiled at Cas, happy to see him. I watched as Cas made to come and hug me but stopped himself at the last minute, busying himself with getting the salad from the fridge.

Puzzled I caught him by the elbow, “Hey you ok? Did something happen with Michael?”

Cas looked a bit pained but answered, “No, Michael is good. He’s reading in bed. I thought it would be nice for you and the boys to have dinner ready when you got back. You’ve been so good to me Dean. This past week, your support………..”

“Hey” I said hooking my hand under his chin. Once his eyes met mine, I continued “No one is keeping score here, ok”.

There was something in his eyes, like he was holding something back, but I didn’t push it.

Holding out my arms, I said, “How about a perk of a best friend. I won’t even charge you”.

Cas huffed out a laugh and reached for me at the same time. Holding him tight, I said to him, “Don’t hold back if this is what you need Cas, I told you, whatever you need, it’s yours”.

Cas’s face was turned into my neck again, his breath puffing against my skin, as his arms tightened around me. It was only when we heard the clatter of footsteps on the stairs, that we let go.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

It was around ten that night and I was sitting on the porch swing, wearing sweats and a t-shirt, nursing my second beer, when Cas joined me on the porch. Beer in hand, he sat down beside me.

I smiled at him, “Michael asleep” I asked.

Cas replied, “Yeah. Jimmy is in with him. I told Michael I would sleep in my own bed tonight, but that Jimmy would get me if he needed me. He seems ok with it”.

I nodded my head, “That’s good news. Maybe he’ll like a bit of his own space. He seems to like books. We should get him some more”.

Cas nodded and drank some of his beer. We sat in silence for a while, drinking our beers, listening to the constant drone of insects.

The silence would normally have been comfortable, but I sensed a tension in Cas. Moving one arm around his shoulder, I asked him, “Cas, is everything ok?”

Cas automatically curled into the embrace. He pressed his face against my neck, his arm tight around my waist. I was so surprised that I hadn’t time to react before Cas groaned and jumped up off the swing, sloshing some of his beer onto the porch at the suddenness of the movement.

Cas stood breathing hard, “I’m sorry Dean”.

I stood up, “Cas, what is it? Is it Michael, the boys? Talk to me”

Cas shuddered out a breath, “It’s me, Dean. I’m sorry. I’m ruining everything”.

I’m nearly sure my jaw hit the floor. “What the hell are you talking about, Cas. You’re doing brilliantly. The boys love you. Rose loves you. Hell, I think even Miracle loves you more than me”.

Cas turned to me with tormented eyes, “Not them, Dean, I’m ruining things with you”.

My breath caught in my throat, “What do you mean, Cas? You haven’t done anything to me”.

Cas’s next words definitely floored me, “But I want to”.

My brain was trying to comprehend those words when Cas continued as if the words were falling out of his mouth without consent.

Cas’s eyes were pleading, “Dean I didn’t lie when I came back, I swear. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t return my feeling. I loved you so much that I was just happy you knew, and I thought we would carry on like normal. But then our relationship changed, even back at the bunker, you were freer, relaxed and then we came here, and you hugged me and held me and showed affection without hesitation and Dean, it was wonderful. It truly was”.

Cas rubbed his two hands down his face, “But I had to ruin it, I had to be greedy, because I want more. Each time you hold me, it gets harder and harder to let go. It gets harder not to push for more………………..so I think it would be better for you, if we went back to the way we were, because I don’t want to lose our friendship. You’re too important to me. I’m sorry, Dean”.

And then he was gone. He ran back into the house before my feeble, screwed up, imploding brain could articulate a word.

I stood on the porch, just trying to get my breathing under control.

I felt a bit guilty for not running after Cas straight away, but I was blown away by what he said.

I would never truly understand the way he loves me.

Even now, Cas doesn’t think of leaving me, no matter how much it hurts him. I shook my head in disbelief.

But now was Cas’s time. Our time.

I may have said earlier that I wasn’t keeping score but when I looked back on the last twelve years, maybe we both owed each other a hell of a lot.

I locked up the house, checked on the boys and made my way to the attic.

I could hear the shower running, so I sat and waited. It was taking some time for Cas to come out, but I figured he was stalling.

I could wait.

When Cas eventually came out, dressed in boxers and a t-shirt, the expression on his face nearly broke my heart.

I stood up and said to him, “You keep doing that”.

Cas eyed me cautiously, “Doing what?”

I gave him a mock glare, “You keep telling me you love me and then you disappear”.

Cas blushed and his eyes dropped to the floor, “I’m sorry Dean”.

“Dammit Cas, don’t be sorry. Just give me a chance to respond” I said.

Cas’s eyes filled with tears as he pleaded with me, “Dean please don’t be angry, I promise, I’ll never…….”

I rushed towards him, “Cas, stop, I’m not angry…”

Cas’s eyes widened. I held my hands up and said “Cas I’m not angry, please. 

Reaching out, I tilted his chin up, before dropping my hand, “Cas my response is, I love you. Ok. I fucking love you too and if its ok with you, I would like to kiss you now”.

Cas’s eyes widened again and dropped to my lips. He looked back up at me and stammered “But……you can’t. You can’t love me like that, you don’t like men, this vessel is the wrong kind for you”.

I smiled slightly at that and said “True, but Cas this isn’t a vessel anymore, your fully human, this is your body now and male or female it doesn’t matter, I want you, so I’m asking Cas, can I kiss you?”

Cas continued breathlessly, “But…………Dean…………are you sure? You don’t have to because……”

I arched an eyebrow at him, “I thought I said I want to. But Cas I will not touch you in any way, shape or form unless it is something you really me want to do. No crossed wires, and absolutely no hard feelings if your answer is no, I promise”.

Cas’s breathing hitched as he searched my eyes, and his voice sounded so deep as he said, “Yes Dean”.

My heart leapt as I brought my hands up to cup Cas’s face. I could feel the scrape of his permanent 5 O’clock shadow under my palms, I could smell Cas’s unique smell of earth and fresh air, I could feel the dampness from his tears, and I brushed them away with my thumb and I felt his gaze as his blue eyes followed my lips on their path to his. Cas’s lips felt soft and full. I pressed gently giving us both a moment to savour it.

My second press of his lips, I nudged my tongue out to open his lips to mine. The groan that came from his mouth nearly undid me.

Cas had a hold of my forearms as I still cupped his face.

Using my hands, I turned Cas’s head slightly so I could kiss him easier. I slid my tongue into his mouth, tasting his unique taste. My hands left his face and slid around his shoulders, pulling him closer to me.

Cas’s hands dropped from my arms and wrapped around my waist. We were pressed against each from shoulders to hips.

Our kisses became more urgent, Cas was getting bolder, his tongue exploring my mouth like he had to know all its secrets.

Cas’s hands pulled at my t-shirt and when he found skin, I broke the kiss gasping.

I pulled back and Cas went straight for my neck, kissing wide open wet kisses up and down my neck. That and his hands on the bare skin on my back nearly had me coming in my pants.

“Cas” I gasped

“mmm” Cas murmured, completely absorbed in what he was doing.

“Cas, I don’t want to rush you, we could…………….go…………..slow…….if that…………..would ………..make ……….you………….feel…………….better…..” The feel of Cas’s hands drifting down and grabbing my ass to pull me closer to him made me lose all coherent thought.

Cas was hard. As was I. He was grinding his hips against mine like his life depended on it.

Grabbing his head, I lifted his lips to mine again and plundered his mouth. Our tongues started a dance of their own, swirling and churning against each other. My shocked brain was trying to comprehend.

This was Cas.

This was Cas who was making me feel so amazing.

This was Cas and I wanted to know him, I wanted to taste him, and I wanted to watch his face as I made him come.

Steering him to the end of the bed, I broke the kiss for one moment.

Staring at his mussed hair, his blown eyes, and wet swollen lips, I thought I had never seen anyone so beautiful before in my life.

This was Cas.

It was so freaking amazing. He had a dazed smile on his face as I tugged on the end of his t-shirt, “Cas, can I take this off?”

“Yes Dean” Cas whispered

Holding the shirt on either side, I pulled it up over his head, taking my time. Once I had if off, I threw it onto my bed.

I guided Cas down onto his bed, kneeling over him as he gazed up at me.

I kissed him on each cheek, his forehead and finally his lips whispering against his mouth “Stop me at any time, you hear me?

Cas’s hands came up and grabbed my face. Staring at me in wonder he said “I have been thinking about this moment for years Dean. It’s even better than my expectations, why would I ever ask you to stop, but Dean are you sure this is what you want”.

I could feel tears prick at the corner of my eyes and I swore there and then, I would make this the most amazing experience ever, as I answered him “Yes Cas. This is what I want. I want you. I wouldn’t have started this if I wasn’t sure”.

I bent down and kissed him on the mouth, nibbling and sucking on his bottom lip, savouring the little gasps that came from his mouth.

Still kneeling over him, no part of our bodies was touching except for our lips, that is until I started exploring.

Grabbing Cas’s wrists, I pinned each one to his side and trailed a line of kisses down his neck. Kissing a trail onto his chest, I sucked on a nipple that had him arching off the bed bringing his crotch into contact with mine. We both gasped at the friction and Cas groaned when I moved out of his reach.

“Dean please” Cas groaned.

“SSShhhh, I’ll look after you” I whispered against his skin sucking the other nipple into my mouth and swirling my tongue over the nub.

“Ahhhhhh Dean please, I can’t” Cas muttered.

Still holding his wrists so he couldn’t touch me I continued my journey down his chest, onto his stomach where I swirled my tongue around his belly button that elicited a groan that was practically pornographic.

Following the trail that disappeared under his boxers I realised I couldn’t wait to discover what was underneath. Releasing Cas’s wrists to find out, Cas used this time to reach down and not only grab me but flip me as well.

Stunned, I looked up into the gorgeous blue eyes of my best friend, who leaned down to kiss me and whisper “My turn”.

The thrill those words gave me, never mind being flipped like I weighed nothing, had me hard as a rock.

Cas started with my mouth, plunging and swirling his tongue in, that elicited noises I didn’t know I could make.

He followed the same path I did, removing my shirt before swirling his tongue around my nipples, making me arch off of the bed.

Cas glanced up at me and the look in his eyes was pure lust.

Smiling devilishly, he said, “I found a trail of freckles and I think I want to find out where they lead” and still watching me, his tongue found my skin and he trailed hot open-mouthed kisses all down my chest and onto my stomach, repeating the tongue swirl around my belly button that had me moaning out loud.

Cas shushed me against my skin as he reached the waistband of my sweats. Speaking to me as he lowered my pants, he said, “Dean, please don’t wake the boys because I will be very cross if we get interrupted now” and then he released my very erect, very hard cock.

I watched as Cas knelt between my legs and lowered his mouth to my cock. He was close enough for me to feel his hot breath when he paused. A whimper may have escaped my mouth, drawing Cas’s gaze to mine.

Our eyes locked as I watched as Cas’s tongue licked at the top of my cock, before enveloping the head completely. My head fell back as I groaned into the pillow.

Cas’s mouth was so fucking hot. His tongue swirled over the head of my cock again before he swallowed me down to the base, before sucking me back up to the top. Another swirl of tongue around the top of my cock before Cas plunged again swallowing me whole.

If he kept this up, I’d be coming in no time at all, and I didn’t want that.

Finding strength from god knows where, I muttered “Cas, I need you up here”.

Cas looked up at me with blown pupils, and with his mouth still around my cock, he shook his head at me.

I snorted a laugh and reached for him, “Cas get your feathery ass up here now”.

Cas slowly released my cock, before I dragged him up beside me.

Cas pouted at me, “I was enjoying that”.

Leaning over him, I plundered his mouth, tasting myself on his tongue, “So was I Cas but I want to see your beautiful face”.

Wrapped around each other, we rutted frantically before I whispered, “You still have too many clothes on Cas”.

I knelt up to look at Cas. He was so gorgeous. Mussed hair, swollen lips, beautiful, tanned skin. I reached for his boxers and pulled them down his legs and dropped them over the side of the bed.

Cas’s cock was long and thick, nestled in dark hair. I wrapped my hand around and stroked it slowly, taking my time in this new sexual experience.

“Oh Dean”, the exclamation from Cas brought my eyes back to him. He was looking as if he couldn’t remember how he got here. Still stroking him, I hovered over him, leaning on my elbow, and asked, “You ok, Cas”

“Dean that feels wonderful, don’t stop, please don’t stop” Cas breathed jerkily.

I kissed him again, “I won’t. I want to see you and I want you to see me, for our first time. I want to watch you come Cas, that ok”.

Cas grabbed my face with two hands sighing, “Yes Dean, I want you so much”.

I took both of our cocks in my hand, the sensation of them side by side had us both groaning.

Both of our cocks were leaking precum that acted as a natural lubrication as I stroked both of us, until Cas joined in, using both hands to my one.

Our hips gyrated as our hands linked together to stroke our joined cocks while we shared wide open-mouthed kisses, our tongues dancing.

It was beautiful and dirty, warm and erotic.

From the tingles in the base of my spine, to the beautiful noises coming from Cas’s mouth, I knew neither one of us would be lasting long.

I was right.

Cas came with a soft exclamation, “Dean”, his eyes rolling back, his back arched as hot thick spurts of cum, splashed over his belly and chest. The sight nearly sent me over the edge. I was close as I watched Cas’s dazed eyes open and stare at me.

“Cas” I whispered as I still stroked myself.

Cas’s hands wrapped around me again pumping my cock.

“Dean look at me” and I did. Cas pinned with his eyes as he whispered, “I love you Dean”

That did it. My cock jerked in Cas’s hands and I came hot and hard, as it mixed with Cas’s on his belly. Not able to hold myself up any longer, I collapsed down beside Cas, my face on his chest.

Not caring about the mess, Cas turned and pressed our bodies together as we held each other, our foreheads touching and our breath mingling.

When I floated back down to earth, I glanced up at Cas, who was already watching me.

I smiled shyly at him and he responded with a, “Hello Dean” which elicited a soft laugh from me.

Cas grabbed my face and kissed me deeply before asking, “Did that really happen?”

I knew how he felt. I never thought we would get here, and I hadn’t been waiting even a fraction of the time Cas had.

Stroking his cheek, I said “It happened, finally, despite all the obstacles in our way. Was it ok?”

Cas’s wide-open smile, my smile, lit up his face, “Dean it was wonderful. It was perfect”.

My smile felt just as big as his, “Good, I wanted it to be special. I’m sorry it took me so long”.

Cas grabbed me in another wide-open dirty kiss, “You were worth the wait”

We eventually made our way to the shower to freshen up. We took turns washing each other, taking time for kisses, and teasing and soft touches, exploring this new dynamic with us.

Curling up bed with Cas, skin on skin, I felt a happiness that I had only read about in stories and I fell asleep with Cas wrapped around me and a smile on my face.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

It was still dark in the room and only a sliver of moonlight was making its way through the curtains, when my eyes drifted open. I could feel Cas tucked into my back doing an absolute fabulous impression of the big spoon. Cas’s left arm was wrapped around my left shoulder and across my chest acting as a pillow under my head. His right arm was around my waist. His chest was warm on my back and he had was felt like a very impressive hard on right against my ass. He wasn’t the only one.

I lay there thinking about what happened only a few hours ago. Kissing Cas, his mouth on my cock and I swear to god my cock just twitched thinking about it.

I remembered the way Cas looked as he came in my hand. He was so beautiful, so expressive, so Cas. I loved that we were each other’s firsts. He was the first man to touch me. I was the first man to touch him. It was a heady feeling.

Three things happened simultaneously, while I lay there thinking of the night before.

Cas’s arms tightened around me, his cock pressed up against me and his warm breath breathed in my ear as he whispered, “Hello Dean” and I swear I nearly came just from hearing his deep baritone so close.

I blushed but I couldn’t help turning my head to look at him and say “Hi Cas”

I had barely said the words before Cas plundered my mouth with hot open mouth kisses, his cock grinding against me slowly.

Cas wasted no time as his right hand slid down to grab my cock and I gasped into his mouth as he thumbed the opening of my cock and I felt him rubbing pre-cum around the top. My soft thrusts into his fist had my ass pressing more against Cas’s cock and I found myself spreading my legs, while digging my heels into the mattress, looking for purchase.

I wasn’t a virgin when it came to anal sex having explored it with women who were into it with strap on’s. And I knew that if Cas and I wanted to explore that I was going to need to pick up some stuff the next time I went to the drug store, but right now I didn’t care.

I reached my right hand around to grab Cas’s cock and push it between the cheeks of my ass and rub it slowly against my hole. I couldn’t believe myself how much I wanted this. Cas’s groan gave me the courage to keep going.

I could feel pre-cum from Cas’s cock wet my hole like a natural lubrication. I lined up Cas’s cock and moaned as he pressed up against me, but Cas had other ideas.

Cas whispered into my ear, “Wait Dean, I don’t want to hurt you” and I groaned.

“Patience grasshopper” Cas teased, and I snorted but what he did next had me groaning into the pillow.

He reached for my cock and rubbed his finger around the opening until it was slick with my pre-cum, he then moved his finger around to the opening of my ass and worked his finger in slow and easy. It was so fucking hot that I started rocking my ass to fuck his finger.

“More” I groaned, and Cas obliged by adding a second finger. He took it slowly, delving in and out, opening me up. He plunged both fingers and caressed my prostate, sending spasms of sensation throughout my body, that had my cock twitching and leaking pre-cum.

I reached back again and grabbed Cas’s cock, “Now Cas please”.

Cas’s tongue swirled in the shell of my ear, his hot breath panting, “You are so impatient” but he pulled his fingers out gently and batted my hand away from his cock, lining it up against my hole.

I spread my legs as much as I could and Cas pushed his way into me, all the way to the hilt.

“Oh Dean” he cried into my ear, like a starving man finally getting what he has always longed for and it nearly tipped me over the edge.

Oh my god. Strap on’s did not cover this.

Cas was rock hard and soft as satin. He was also burning hot. He felt amazing.

I counted to ten backwards in my head because I wanted this to last. I wanted it to last forever.

Cas started to thrust into me gently, giving us both time to get used to the feel of each other. It burned a bit as I got used to him, but it didn’t last long.

Cas still has me anchored back against his chest with his left hand and when he has a rhythm going, his right hand finds my cock again, lazily rubbing it.

I’m surrounded by Cas, his arm across my chest, his hand on my cock, his cock inside me and when he whispers in my ear to kiss him, I turn my head to meet his lips, his tongue is in my mouth, we kiss big wet open-mouthed kisses, his cock is thrusting inside me and his hands are everywhere.

The sensations are too much. Cas is everywhere.

Cas breaks the kiss to whisper in my ear, “I’m going to move you now” and before the words are even fully said, he pulls me up on my hands and knees, still inside me.

I hold myself up until he thrusts and this time, he hits that elusive collection of nerves of my prostate that send me into meltdown. My cock is leaking all over the bed, Cas is thrusting so hard into me and hitting those nerves that my face lands on the mattress. Holding me by the hips, he thrusts into me over and over.

“Cas, I’m not going to last……….” I say gasping

Cas reaches around for my cock again and says, “Let go Dean, I’ve got you”.

As Cas’s hand strokes me, I spurt all over the bed.

My face is pressed down into the mattress and Cas is pounding hard into me and he’s still hitting that sweet spot that has me still leaking from my cock. My orgasm feels like its lasting forever.

“Dean” Cas gasped, “can I…...Dean……..inside you, can I”

I knew what he was asking, and I had just mumbled “Yes” when he lost it

“Oh Dean” Cas gasped, and I could feel his hot cum spurt inside me, Cas jerking through his orgasm, before we both collapse towards the bed, Cas half on top of me.

I lay panting, incapable of speech or movement and from the sounds of it, Cas is in the same boat.

I eventually hear mumbles coming from Cas and I managed to say, “Didn’t quite catch that”.

Cas pressed his lips between my shoulder blades, “Sorry, I know I’m heavy, but I can’t move”

I smiled to myself, “Who’s asking you to move” and I heard a deep sigh.

A minute or so later, when I had control over my arms and legs again, I turn over to face him, to find Cas smiling, no not smiling, beaming at me, taking my breath away.

Catching his face to drop a kiss on his bruised lips, I said “Cas, I got to ask, where did you learn to do that?”

At Cas’s mischievous grin, I mock glared at him and said, “Do not say the pizza man” and Cas actually giggled.

Leaning forward to kiss me he said shyly, “I did some research, on the internet. There was a time when I thought of telling you how I felt, wondered about a physical relationship with you. It was all a bit wishful thinking, but I wanted to be prepared”

I gaped at him, “Prepared. You were prepared like a boy scout. And I was asking if you wanted to take it slow”

Cas winked at me and said, “It was slow good though”

I groaned, “No no, not bad puns, Cas no”

Cas giggled again but then gave me what I could only describe as a downright sultry look, “Was I bad Dean? Was I very very bad?”

I gaped at him in shock, but I couldn’t help myself, I dissolved into giggles along with him, “God no more porn channel for you. My heart can’t take it”.

I pulled him into my arms whispering, “Cas, man you are the king of research”

Cas returned the embrace before pulling back to look at me with a serious look, “Dean, you really enjoyed it?

I squeezed him tighter, while staring into his eyes, “Cas, you need to believe me when I say, that was one of the best sexual experiences of my life”

Cas’s face turned incredulous before softening into a smile, “I wanted to ask, next time, if there is a next time, you know, you know you don’t have to, if you don’t want…………….”

“Cas, Cas stop, there is going to be a next time and another and another. What did you want to ask?”

Cas looked so shy, but he looked me right in the eye and asked “Next time, I want you inside me, I would really like that”

I groaned and kissed him deeply. Against his lips I muttered “You are going to kill me, but what a way to go”

**To be continued**


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